(no subject)
He missed Milliways, he missed feeling like he actually fit in somewhere. Today had been the Winter Festival and he was sore everywhere from the performance. At least it gave him an excuse to slip out of the royal dinner which he wasn't sure he could face.
Every time he turned around, it seemed like someone was giving him a look of You're not good enough.. All he wanted to do was yell back that he knew but he couldn't do that. So he just had to keep going through sword practice, Petty Court, Perspective and hope that he wouldn't mess up on this scale again.
The worst was Abhorsen prep with that book just staring back at him, even when he'd seen his mother in Milliways, there was no way to start. Even his workshop didn't feel like a refuge anymore, he missed Teja asking him to explain things better and Val never came to the forge.
Even though he'd made a mess of things with Blodwen, at least he'd been trying to do what he was supposed to do. At least no one followed him up here to his workshop and he pulled on the door with a wince from all his bruises.
Every time he turned around, it seemed like someone was giving him a look of You're not good enough.. All he wanted to do was yell back that he knew but he couldn't do that. So he just had to keep going through sword practice, Petty Court, Perspective and hope that he wouldn't mess up on this scale again.
The worst was Abhorsen prep with that book just staring back at him, even when he'd seen his mother in Milliways, there was no way to start. Even his workshop didn't feel like a refuge anymore, he missed Teja asking him to explain things better and Val never came to the forge.
Even though he'd made a mess of things with Blodwen, at least he'd been trying to do what he was supposed to do. At least no one followed him up here to his workshop and he pulled on the door with a wince from all his bruises.