And because his confusion is finally beginning to outweigh his anger and even his mistrust, Gokudera just continues to stare back. This is the last thing he anticipated; he expected to face a cold-blooded killer in this alley, not someone like this. Someone who’d actually risk getting shot by letting the would-be shooter go. Someone… almost like Tsuna.
And there's the rub--Gokudera still has a weakness for the Jesus-types. As hard as his own life has been in this 'verse, a part of him still wants to believe in the kind of brighter, optimistic future that Tsuna sort of symbolizes. So when he sees someone do something insanely naive and trusting like this, he can't help but be drawn to it.
Finally, because none of it makes any sense and he can’t think of anything else to do, he asks, “Why?”
Yamamoto just shrugs.
Because the answer is extremely complicated. XD
Leave, the common sense part of Gokudera thinks to himself. Just leave, before reality snaps back in place and he remembers you’re on different fucking sides.
He takes a step back. And then, before he can stop himself, “We’ll still be enemies after this, you know.” Because this isn’t right, after all, and fuck.
“I know,” Yamamoto replies, not sounding like he expected any different.
He really wasn't. He let Gokudera go because he's just realized they're not on different sides after all.
“After what you did to Squalo, and all the others, don’t think you can just…”
He stops short. Just what? Become an ally? Of course he can’t, so why would his mind even suggest that possibility?
Because they're supposed be be allies, of course. Even though so much has happened in this AU timeline to screw that up, there are still forces at work drawing them toward each other. It was kind of hard to write this and try to get that across without making it seemed cheesy or forced. XD But they really are kind of tied together by fate, and Tsuna too.
“I know,” Yamamoto repeats.
It doesn’t feel right. Any of it. The logical part of him still wants to turn and run, but a greater part is becoming louder and more urgent by the second. It’s insane, but suddenly Tsuna’s voice is there in his head. If things had gone differently, maybe we would have been friends instead of enemies.
Yeeeeeep. Can't fight destiny, kid.
“…Come talk to the Tenth.”
He knows how stupid the offer is even as the words leave his mouth. And yet, a part of him can’t help but think: maybe it is fate, that they were both here tonight. Maybe this is why. Maybe the Tenth was right after all. All he knows is, somehow this is the only option that doesn’t feel completely wrong.
He knows it because for the first time tonight, Yamamoto actually looks surprised. And then something else, something almost like longing.
It never, ever occurred to Yamamoto that Gokudera would ever make that offer. And because a part of him is also feeling the same twinges of fate that are pinging Gokudera, the instead those words are out of Gokudera's mouth, he does feel a bit of longing--rather powerfully, at that. Because for a very long time he's been working for someone... preeeetty much evil, and doing things that are pretty much evil too, and he's been doing them unquestioningly because he is very much the type of person who feels lost if he doesn't have a place or a goal. And when he lost his dad, the goal became revenge, and unfortunately his place became at Enrico's side instead of Tsuna's, because Rico got there first.
But it's not where he should be, and while he's felt that vaguely before on occasion, this is the first time he ever feels, for a moment, that there absolutely is somewhere else where he belongs.
And then his face goes steely again.
But the instant he does feel that, the weight of everything that's happened and everything he's done comes crashing down on him again, and he realizes that it's really not a possibility at this point. It's too late.
MAN HE IS A DEPRESSING GUY IN THIS AU. ;; I'm almost worried it's OOC, but well, a lot of shit's gone down. XD
Gokudera frowns. “This is a one-time offer,” he warns.
Yamamoto nods.
“…Good night, Gokudera.”
And off he goes, before he can be tempted to change his mind again.
A moment later, he brushes past Gokudera and walks out of the alley. And Gokudera just stands there.
What the hell just happened?
He should be relieved. Hell, he should be thrilled that one of Vongola’s worst fucking enemies didn’t take him up on possibly the dumbest offer he’s ever made.
But he’s not. Instead he just feels vaguely unsettled and not a little pissed off.
…Shit.
And Gokudera, of course, is still kind of blown away by the whole thing, and very confused by his conflicted feelings about Yamamoto (up till now, he's pretty much been hating the guy from afar, and he really did not expect this up-close-and-personal meeting to screw with things as much as it did). GOD DAMN IT, WHY WAS HE ALMOST NICE, WHY DON'T I WANT TO KILL HIM, AND WHY THE FUCK DOES IT FEEL LIKE SOMETHING'S GONE TERRIBLY WRONG. Sob it's been a very strange night for him.
This whole excerpt was kind of the pivotal scene in the fic (or one of them), actually, because it's the point where I finally finished setting things up, and then went and twisted them around again, because even when Yama's the bad guy, he isn't really. Lol. XD And then it starts things moving toward the climax, so yeah. I'LL STOP LISTENING TO MYSELF TYPE NOW.
Re: PART 3, LOLanoldstoryJanuary 9 2010, 03:40:01 UTC
Oh man!!! You gave insight into Yamamoto's mind!!! And that makes the fic hit the back of my head so much harder!!! I really need to reread the whole fic again, since I know the end now, and maybe I'll pick up more awesome things that you've left in there. I like the destiny thing, I think you did well in not making it feel cheesy or forced.
Re: PART 3, LOLmakesteJanuary 9 2010, 21:55:44 UTC
I literally can't write a character if I don't know what they're thinking in a given scene, even if I'm not actually writing their POV, so I do try to have a basic sense of what's going on in their heads. I'm glad it adds to the scene; the idea is that hopefully when the sequel is done (whenever that finally happens, lol), it'll help paint a much more complete picture, and fill in any of the missing pieces in the first fic. This is sort of a preview, I guess? Anyway, thanks for the comment, and I'm glad you like it. ♥
And there's the rub--Gokudera still has a weakness for the Jesus-types. As hard as his own life has been in this 'verse, a part of him still wants to believe in the kind of brighter, optimistic future that Tsuna sort of symbolizes. So when he sees someone do something insanely naive and trusting like this, he can't help but be drawn to it.
Finally, because none of it makes any sense and he can’t think of anything else to do, he asks, “Why?”
Yamamoto just shrugs.
Because the answer is extremely complicated. XD
Leave, the common sense part of Gokudera thinks to himself. Just leave, before reality snaps back in place and he remembers you’re on different fucking sides.
He takes a step back. And then, before he can stop himself, “We’ll still be enemies after this, you know.” Because this isn’t right, after all, and fuck.
“I know,” Yamamoto replies, not sounding like he expected any different.
He really wasn't. He let Gokudera go because he's just realized they're not on different sides after all.
“After what you did to Squalo, and all the others, don’t think you can just…”
He stops short. Just what? Become an ally? Of course he can’t, so why would his mind even suggest that possibility?
Because they're supposed be be allies, of course. Even though so much has happened in this AU timeline to screw that up, there are still forces at work drawing them toward each other. It was kind of hard to write this and try to get that across without making it seemed cheesy or forced. XD But they really are kind of tied together by fate, and Tsuna too.
“I know,” Yamamoto repeats.
It doesn’t feel right. Any of it. The logical part of him still wants to turn and run, but a greater part is becoming louder and more urgent by the second. It’s insane, but suddenly Tsuna’s voice is there in his head. If things had gone differently, maybe we would have been friends instead of enemies.
Yeeeeeep. Can't fight destiny, kid.
“…Come talk to the Tenth.”
He knows how stupid the offer is even as the words leave his mouth. And yet, a part of him can’t help but think: maybe it is fate, that they were both here tonight. Maybe this is why. Maybe the Tenth was right after all. All he knows is, somehow this is the only option that doesn’t feel completely wrong.
He knows it because for the first time tonight, Yamamoto actually looks surprised. And then something else, something almost like longing.
It never, ever occurred to Yamamoto that Gokudera would ever make that offer. And because a part of him is also feeling the same twinges of fate that are pinging Gokudera, the instead those words are out of Gokudera's mouth, he does feel a bit of longing--rather powerfully, at that. Because for a very long time he's been working for someone... preeeetty much evil, and doing things that are pretty much evil too, and he's been doing them unquestioningly because he is very much the type of person who feels lost if he doesn't have a place or a goal. And when he lost his dad, the goal became revenge, and unfortunately his place became at Enrico's side instead of Tsuna's, because Rico got there first.
But it's not where he should be, and while he's felt that vaguely before on occasion, this is the first time he ever feels, for a moment, that there absolutely is somewhere else where he belongs.
And then his face goes steely again.
But the instant he does feel that, the weight of everything that's happened and everything he's done comes crashing down on him again, and he realizes that it's really not a possibility at this point. It's too late.
MAN HE IS A DEPRESSING GUY IN THIS AU. ;; I'm almost worried it's OOC, but well, a lot of shit's gone down. XD
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“I can’t.”
Gokudera frowns. “This is a one-time offer,” he warns.
Yamamoto nods.
“…Good night, Gokudera.”
And off he goes, before he can be tempted to change his mind again.
A moment later, he brushes past Gokudera and walks out of the alley. And Gokudera just stands there.
What the hell just happened?
He should be relieved. Hell, he should be thrilled that one of Vongola’s worst fucking enemies didn’t take him up on possibly the dumbest offer he’s ever made.
But he’s not. Instead he just feels vaguely unsettled and not a little pissed off.
…Shit.
And Gokudera, of course, is still kind of blown away by the whole thing, and very confused by his conflicted feelings about Yamamoto (up till now, he's pretty much been hating the guy from afar, and he really did not expect this up-close-and-personal meeting to screw with things as much as it did). GOD DAMN IT, WHY WAS HE ALMOST NICE, WHY DON'T I WANT TO KILL HIM, AND WHY THE FUCK DOES IT FEEL LIKE SOMETHING'S GONE TERRIBLY WRONG. Sob it's been a very strange night for him.
This whole excerpt was kind of the pivotal scene in the fic (or one of them), actually, because it's the point where I finally finished setting things up, and then went and twisted them around again, because even when Yama's the bad guy, he isn't really. Lol. XD And then it starts things moving toward the climax, so yeah. I'LL STOP LISTENING TO MYSELF TYPE NOW.
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