~Retrospective KHR Theatre, Sexy Edition~
God, it's been like... two months since I last did one of these. And since last week's Jump was apparently a double issue (meaning that in all likelihood we will not get a new chapter this week) (insert weeping here), I'm going to need something to pass the time, damn it.
SO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET'S REVISIT CHAPTER 9.
1. Yes, that's right; before there was Adelheid, before there was Lal Mirch, there was... Bianchi.
I must now take a moment to inform you all that I am taking a leaf from tsunayoshi's book and adding some background music in order to set the mood for the rest of this post. I feel that this is very important.
Awwwwwwwwwwwww yeah.
2. For some reason, Bianchi beams Tsuna in the forehead with a can of POISONED COLA before pedaling off somewhere. I guess because this was the Daily Life arc and things like this just happened, okay. Tsuna runs off to report these happenings to Reborn, only to find that Reborn has broken out in a bad case of Beetle Face, presumably for the same reason there was an attempted cola murder. This is your life, Tsuna.
3. Because Reborn can SPEAK BUG (then what did he tell them as he was shoving them into Shitt P's mouth so many months later? "SORRY GUYS, IT'S FOR THE SAKE OF SCIENCE"?), he informs Tsuna that his ex-girlfriend Bianchi is in town. Only he doesn't mention the ex-girlfriend part yet. That skeeviness is later to come.
4. In a scene taken directly from a porno movie, Bianchi randomly shows up delivering a pizza, except SURPRISE! IT IS A PIZZA OF DEATH! Birds die, Tsuna gags, and Reborn and Bianchi have a sweet mafia reunion. Once again I would like to remind you all that the only explanation we have gotten for any of this thus far is an understood "this is KHR." But then, that's really all the explanation we need.
5. Bianchi wants to run off back to Italy and have sexy mafia adventures with Reborn (and I think, deep down in our hearts, that's what we all want to do), but Reborn won't have any of it because he has an important job here in Japan, training this loser kid to grow enough balls to yell at Squalo 300 chapters later. Bianchi cries a bit and says a few ominous things to the effect of "GEE, IT'S JUST TOO BAD THE VONGOLA TENTH ISN'T DEAD," and then leaves. At this point, were I in Tsuna's shoes, I would have just about reached pants-wetting levels of terror, but for some reason Tsuna is more concerned with Bianchi's romantic history. Reborn informs him that he is Bianchi's romantic history, and for once, Tsuna is completely justified in spazzing out.
(On the following page he actually does complain that this vision of womanhood is targeting his life, and Reborn responds in the absolute most perfect way possible. If I had been there sitting in the corner, I would have loled and been like, "HAHA, REBORN, GOOD ONE," and given him a thumbs up, and even though these actions would certify me as the biggest loser in existence, I wouldn't have cared because HE TOTALLY DESERVED IT.)
6. The next day, as Tsuna walks to school with Kyoko having the world's lamest conversation, Bianchi rides up and tries to kill him again, a scene which is noteworthy both because of the shameless way Amano blatantly reuses the bottom center panel from page 2, and because of Kyoko's complete non-reaction to these events. Oh, Kyoko. At this point I was still trying to decide whether she was just really oblivious, or incredibly hardcore.
7. Later on in home ec, everyone is like "YAY!!!! ONIGIRI!!!!" (because everyone in Japan goes right the fuck crazy over onigiri), and in a room full of girls, Yamamoto is the one that makes Tsuna blush, lols. Then all of a sudden, Bianchi sneaks up and poisons the onigiri that Kyoko is about to offer to Tsuna! UH OH, WHAT A CRAZY SITUATION! THIS SPELLS TROUBLE, BY GOSH, OH DEAR.
8. Because shy dorky middle school attempts at flirting are serious fucking business, Tsuna feels compelled to eat the onigiri despite the fact that he knows they will kill him. (Serious. Business.) Then Gokudera and Yamamoto show up and are like, "I want a piece of that," and start shoving riceballs into their mouths for NO DISCERNIBLE REASON WHATSOEVER. What could their motives possibly be here?? I am just so curious; I really can't figure it out.
9. In a sequence of events that must seem incredibly strange to those innocently witnessing, Tsuna then does the following:
- Smacks the onigiri out of his friends' hands while screaming "OMFG IF YOU EAT IT YOU'LL DIE!!!"
- Bursts out of his pants and starts chowing down on the riceballs himself.
- Shrieks that IT'S NOT ENOUGH!! and starts running around the room shoving everyone else's balls in his mouth too. (Uh huh. I WENT THERE. Oh yes.)
10. And in response to these events, the students of class 1-A have the following reactions:
- Hana: "You should take that as Sawada's love confession." Indeed. His confession. TO EVERYONE IN THE CLASS, APPARENTLY.
- Gokudera: "You were so manly, Tenth!" I wonder if he's referring to the pants-bursting or the balls-eating.
- Yamamoto: "Good going, Tsuna!" A sentence which casts doubt on every single instance of praise Yamamoto has ever given Tsuna. Because clearly he will praise him for anything.
Meanwhile, Reborn takes a beetle on a date, and the audience is left wondering just what to make of this chapter that began with a really hot chick and ended with a riceball love confession. Years later, they are still wondering.
The end.