indifferent..
sometimes i wish i was more of a mans man. ya know, one of those egotistical manly men who have to use force with everything.be a boss. a fucking asshole. maybe then i could get laid. for now, i can only dream. this year makes 4 years since the last time, and to be quite frank i've never enjoyed sex. the best times i've had werent even sex, it was "outer course" with my first girlfriend. she made me feel amazing.. like i actually mattered. but seriously, i've had better jerk off fantasies than enjoying the real thing. i think there's a total of 3 times i've actually done it. sad huh? well i usually dont give this part of my life much thought, considering i'm more of a romantic guy myself, but at this point, i dont really care anymore. i've lost most of those qualities anyways. cause girls are just shallow, selfish, predictable, manipulative little cunts. they don't deserve any of the good i ever had to offer anyway. we have an unspoken agreement.. i am ugly, they're (read above) and im good to have around for a few laughs, (or someone to laugh about) and thats that. and the few exceptions (my female friends, you know who you are) there's no one left. all the good ones are taken, and i'll get to go to their weddings, but never have one of my own. the only girl who seems to come close enough to being the one for me, is living in her own world, and i don't know how to get her out.. not that it matters anyways, cause if its meant to happen, it will. well i've said enough, i should've been in bed hours ago and now tomorrow i'm gonna feel like shit. goodnight.