(no subject)
I feel like I need to reflect and write stuff, but Im tired. Physically and mentally I am worn out. Life has been exciting and I like who I am becoming, but most of the time I find myself in a whirlwind of confusion and unsure of where I am. I am getting tired of getting pushed outside of my comfort zone, although that is where you grow as a person. Sometimes I just want to scream and not be challenged for a little while. I am okay with coasting for a day or two, but not everyday. Work and personal life is becoming harder and exhausting but it is not a bad thing. I am happy and I am enjoying it.
I am beginning to understand how I am and why I am. I think I am trying to say that I am self aware of what I am doing although I still dont know what I want to be doing. I am trying to reach out and really be there for people and to start developing relationships.
Speaking of relationships Scott and I are official, even though I hurt his feelings today. Im not sure if this is going to work. We are too different. Even with the little things that we do. I thought that he was what I wanted, and I do think he is what I want, but I am not sure. Maybe I should end it. I want to be in a relationship because I truly like him, and not the attention. I am not sure. I honestly dont know, although I hope that it is the first. I also feel that there are other relationships in my life that need to be repaired because they are taking a lot of energy out of me. They are taking energy by me hating them. I shouldnt waste my energy hating people, it is ridiculous.
I dont think that I am being coherent. I feel like I should write in here more. Actual events of my life and how I feel so I can look back at it. I just looked through my old journal enries and I likes reading about the things that I forgot about even though I was a drama queen. I noticed that the most important things that have happened that have happened to me, I havent wrote about and those are the things that I need to write about for those few days that I do go through and reread what I write even if it a couple years from now.
I dont know.
I am beginning to understand how I am and why I am. I think I am trying to say that I am self aware of what I am doing although I still dont know what I want to be doing. I am trying to reach out and really be there for people and to start developing relationships.
Speaking of relationships Scott and I are official, even though I hurt his feelings today. Im not sure if this is going to work. We are too different. Even with the little things that we do. I thought that he was what I wanted, and I do think he is what I want, but I am not sure. Maybe I should end it. I want to be in a relationship because I truly like him, and not the attention. I am not sure. I honestly dont know, although I hope that it is the first. I also feel that there are other relationships in my life that need to be repaired because they are taking a lot of energy out of me. They are taking energy by me hating them. I shouldnt waste my energy hating people, it is ridiculous.
I dont think that I am being coherent. I feel like I should write in here more. Actual events of my life and how I feel so I can look back at it. I just looked through my old journal enries and I likes reading about the things that I forgot about even though I was a drama queen. I noticed that the most important things that have happened that have happened to me, I havent wrote about and those are the things that I need to write about for those few days that I do go through and reread what I write even if it a couple years from now.
I dont know.