paging doctor empathy

[makenoise]

i started my new job today in a hospital pharmacy. i didn't realize that working in a hospital pharmacy meant working in a...hospital. i saw more human pain and suffering today than i have seen in the past few years combined. hospitals don't really have positive associations in anyone's mind, since you're usually only there if something is going wrong, so it's way weird to work there. it's not often you have people routinely die in the building you work in. i saw people sitting in waiting rooms with scared looks on their faces, people hobbling around in hospital gowns, people who had just gotten out of surgery, kids with cancer, premature babies in plastic boxes with UV lights shining on them (WHAT THE?!?) and it was all way too emotionally draining. i'm so attached to the people i see normally, and being around people in pain (physical and emotional) all day long was pulling me in so many directions that my heart didn't know what to feel. i felt a little fainty a few times simply from being emotionally overwhelmed and emphathetically attached to soo many people.

my mom was a nurse, so i grew up in a household that was very open and accepting about the terrors of illness and accident, but i was definitely not prepared for today. i thought i'd be sitting at a table counting pills all day long, not encountering the reality of pain for eight hours straight.

i got off work at 9pm and i have to be back at 7am...is that even legal?

ohwell, goodnight and praise God i got a job that will pay for me to move to new york in...let's see...eight months.