PLease do forgive the cliche
My father has never been in a good mood in his life, that I can remember. This gets worse as time passes. The fights sprang up every two hours with five minutes of verbal spittle launched to and fro, birthed from the quiet that was too quiet to be real or easy. There is so much space there that you can easily forget there are other people until a storm front moves through you and your room and there's no way to get out of the way because really the space is an illusion and you just walk in circles forever. My mother, my brother, my sister in public at the outlets, me. These were his enemies until the next one. I thought I made him loose the house, so I took it and allowed him to be angry at me. Then he showed me that payments were made without problem, and it's next month he's worrying about. $3000 short for Alex's school and something else. I thought about selling my kidney or my cars to bail him out, but really, why does my mother HAVE to drive a mercedes? Why did he have to buy it for her it the weekend my house's electricity was cut off, and then make me promise not to say anything to her? My dad gave me some cash and two checks, but I can't use the checks until march. I asked him why he didn't just not give me a present, because really that's what's going on, and he puffed right up like a southern man with bruised pride. I wish I could understand him.
Abigail died, and Alex and Stephanie and Ellie found her in the barn while they were mucking out stalls. Alex, pissed, ran back to the house and blamed my parents. That's about right, as far as I'm concerned; they took her in and they should have put her down if she was nearly as sickly as our parents would have us believe the veterinarian said she was. Dying of exposure is not how nature "takes its course" when you have a perpetual cold. It's dying of exposure. I took over for Alex on this one, pointing out that they acted immorally. I guess that is the same thing as impugning someones character. They got awfully mad at me for that one and it almost came to blows. I left the house more times than I can remember just to get out...I couldn't stand being there in the yelling and dying and disintegration of what I used to love. I went to Ariella's even, where we got chased down and improperly handled by telephones that turned their backs on us. I went to a Christmas party, but I handled myself improperly and went home early.
Rafael came with Seta. He seems right normal, except for waking up every morning with the dawn to do things I don't understand like climbing the silo and moving wood out of the courtyard. But he's happy and weird and weird things happen to him, like he got us the same Christmas present we got him. Certainly odd. I bought some books so that I can get over this thing, but I'm not going to and it's been pouring acid on myself every chance it has for the past week and there's probably no realistic way around it. So I left at first light and caught the Rafael to Louis Express, Madame Jacqueline Conducteur, and then things got really strange. She wouldn't come in. Can you fucking believe that? It's Christmas Day, and she's the font of familialism and she wouldn't fucking come in because "it's not neutral territory". Just say hello! How long has it been since you've seen him?!?!
I saw him, and her, and the kids. After all the dreams where he shows up and everything is ok and I convince myself that it's not a dream even though it is, I couldn't tell it was real. It felt exactly the same. He's skinny, she looks the same, and the kids are kids. Gabrielle has long hair that looks like Ellie's. I can't remember being 11. Emile looks like Alex. I didn't see the baby because she was asleep. Everyone was nice, except he kept his distance and shook my hand. I told him "Fuck that" and gave him a big hug. I can imagine her telling him "he's a bear of a man!" Seta refused to leave but mom drove up and down Karen Drive until Rafael dragged her out by her purse, and Andrea tried to explain in French to Gabrielle why mom wouldn't come in. Just saying it's difficult doesn't clear it up in any language. It also doesn't get to the heart of the matter. It was no different than any dream.
Does anyone want to buy a car? I'm selling some.
Abigail died, and Alex and Stephanie and Ellie found her in the barn while they were mucking out stalls. Alex, pissed, ran back to the house and blamed my parents. That's about right, as far as I'm concerned; they took her in and they should have put her down if she was nearly as sickly as our parents would have us believe the veterinarian said she was. Dying of exposure is not how nature "takes its course" when you have a perpetual cold. It's dying of exposure. I took over for Alex on this one, pointing out that they acted immorally. I guess that is the same thing as impugning someones character. They got awfully mad at me for that one and it almost came to blows. I left the house more times than I can remember just to get out...I couldn't stand being there in the yelling and dying and disintegration of what I used to love. I went to Ariella's even, where we got chased down and improperly handled by telephones that turned their backs on us. I went to a Christmas party, but I handled myself improperly and went home early.
Rafael came with Seta. He seems right normal, except for waking up every morning with the dawn to do things I don't understand like climbing the silo and moving wood out of the courtyard. But he's happy and weird and weird things happen to him, like he got us the same Christmas present we got him. Certainly odd. I bought some books so that I can get over this thing, but I'm not going to and it's been pouring acid on myself every chance it has for the past week and there's probably no realistic way around it. So I left at first light and caught the Rafael to Louis Express, Madame Jacqueline Conducteur, and then things got really strange. She wouldn't come in. Can you fucking believe that? It's Christmas Day, and she's the font of familialism and she wouldn't fucking come in because "it's not neutral territory". Just say hello! How long has it been since you've seen him?!?!
I saw him, and her, and the kids. After all the dreams where he shows up and everything is ok and I convince myself that it's not a dream even though it is, I couldn't tell it was real. It felt exactly the same. He's skinny, she looks the same, and the kids are kids. Gabrielle has long hair that looks like Ellie's. I can't remember being 11. Emile looks like Alex. I didn't see the baby because she was asleep. Everyone was nice, except he kept his distance and shook my hand. I told him "Fuck that" and gave him a big hug. I can imagine her telling him "he's a bear of a man!" Seta refused to leave but mom drove up and down Karen Drive until Rafael dragged her out by her purse, and Andrea tried to explain in French to Gabrielle why mom wouldn't come in. Just saying it's difficult doesn't clear it up in any language. It also doesn't get to the heart of the matter. It was no different than any dream.
Does anyone want to buy a car? I'm selling some.