Oh Boy Not Again
Just when I though things couldnt get any better, they got a whole lot worse. I feel like crying now, but no one's shoulder to cry on. I met chris on a early summer afternoon. We met at an AA meeting on capital hill. It was amazing how he was so smooth and sexy. I wanted to talk to him, but I was too nervous to do so. I didnt want him to think I was as interested in him as I was.
ANYWAY WE'LL SAVE MORE OF THIS FOR LATER: Lets get onto how I am feeling.
I feel like shit, absolute shit. I cant believe after all I tried to be careful about opening myself up for someone, that it all came down to this. To this you ask, Well let me give you an example of who I am and we'll take it from there.
I have never considered myself to be such a sensative person. BUT I AM. Ouch...that hurts admitting knowing what I am setting myself up for. What am I setting myself up for: AWell let me share that. I am setting myself up for FATE: Whatever God throws my way, or if you prefer a higher power is fine, I am lost in this world. I am focused on my school now, and have a great job sharing it with people I have never felt more comfortable with. This is just it, I am comfortable with these people in a casual sense4 but not in any other way. I tried being intimate with my boss, he showered me with all you can imagine, love affection, trust, compassion, love, goodies (like a brand new truck of my liking) but the problem there for me was that when we laid down at night it just didnt seem right.
So here i am, alone again, I found someone who when I laid down with made my heart race. Made my thoughts drift, and made me fanticize about life in the future. Actually being close to someone who I felt represented all I ever wanted. Being able to share the ups and downs of life really made me feel whole. Whole like I havent felt in a very long time. I have been single for the most part for the better of three years. Not good for someone who is good looking, hot to some, sext to others, and just too damn cute for the rest. I am sensative and compassionate. I am sensable like I have never been and I am smart. I am getting my education finally and I have never felt any better in my whole life.
Back to the alone part. I am alone because crystal meth entered my life again and swept away my sweetheart. I am so fucking pissed off at that drug....fuck...fuck...fuck...I feel like my head is about to explode.
ANYWAY WE'LL SAVE MORE OF THIS FOR LATER: Lets get onto how I am feeling.
I feel like shit, absolute shit. I cant believe after all I tried to be careful about opening myself up for someone, that it all came down to this. To this you ask, Well let me give you an example of who I am and we'll take it from there.
I have never considered myself to be such a sensative person. BUT I AM. Ouch...that hurts admitting knowing what I am setting myself up for. What am I setting myself up for: AWell let me share that. I am setting myself up for FATE: Whatever God throws my way, or if you prefer a higher power is fine, I am lost in this world. I am focused on my school now, and have a great job sharing it with people I have never felt more comfortable with. This is just it, I am comfortable with these people in a casual sense4 but not in any other way. I tried being intimate with my boss, he showered me with all you can imagine, love affection, trust, compassion, love, goodies (like a brand new truck of my liking) but the problem there for me was that when we laid down at night it just didnt seem right.
So here i am, alone again, I found someone who when I laid down with made my heart race. Made my thoughts drift, and made me fanticize about life in the future. Actually being close to someone who I felt represented all I ever wanted. Being able to share the ups and downs of life really made me feel whole. Whole like I havent felt in a very long time. I have been single for the most part for the better of three years. Not good for someone who is good looking, hot to some, sext to others, and just too damn cute for the rest. I am sensative and compassionate. I am sensable like I have never been and I am smart. I am getting my education finally and I have never felt any better in my whole life.
Back to the alone part. I am alone because crystal meth entered my life again and swept away my sweetheart. I am so fucking pissed off at that drug....fuck...fuck...fuck...I feel like my head is about to explode.