Ok I choked and I called
Ok nobody was home when I called, I guess you can say that I am relieved t o hear that no news is good news at this poing. I went to the bank, and I called his sponsor. His sponsor told me that I was doing the right thing by telling him that if he doesnt seek help, I can't be there for him. Well I dont know why I didnt come up with this on my own, maybe because I am real scared to let go.
Letting go for me right now seems to be the last thing I want to do. I don't want to let go as much as I dont want to feel like this. Damn this sucks, How can I be so sure that giving him that chioce that he is going to do the right thing. Well I dont. Thats the hard part, maybe he will come to his senses and realize that the people around him only care for him and that why we are being tough with him. Maybe its because of the times we've spent together had nothing to do about telling each other what to do (other than where to park or what machine we're to work out on). I dont know I am still shitty about this and it just doesnt make sense to me.
I have thought about these feelings that I am having and I was wondering if it was making me want to use. Absolutely not. I dont want to use that shit now more than ever. I cant explain where I get this from, but it is here and I want to show others what i have and that I want to give it away. In me the feelings I get from being sober far extend the feelings I received while on dope. I cant explain this. Dope no longer has a grip on me. People no longer can tell me that the actions of another will lead me back to using. Only the actions of myseld will lead me back to using. The actions I take today are true, honest, and noble. I am a noble being these days. In fact sometines I feel I am far superior to others, and that is not a good feeling. But when it comes to treatment and recovery I am far superior in my recovery than others. This isnt fair. I want to share it with others and how do I do this?
I do this by continuing to do what I have been doing to make a differnece in MY life. I go to work everyday, I go to my meetings on a regular basis, I eat and sleep regularly and I stay possitive. I do have social events that I try to plan, but now I am mostly focused on excercising. This way I keep doing possitive things for myself that I wasnt doing when I was using. I am a secretary for a meeting because I enjoy having a committment, and having somewhere to belong in recovery makes all the difference to me.
What really pisses me off about this, is that I have met someone who I like who has a way different addiction to the same drug that I am addicted to. What I mean by this is that it act completly different in him than I and I am running out of advice. It scares the shit out of me what it does to him, and he realizes it eventually, but that doesnt last long. I truly believe that if he is able to abstain for long enough, then it will make all the difference in the world for him. This time I talk about needs to be a minimum of 6 months for this to stick. It took me a year before I really started to see a significant change in my attitude. What can I expect then for the future?
Letting go for me right now seems to be the last thing I want to do. I don't want to let go as much as I dont want to feel like this. Damn this sucks, How can I be so sure that giving him that chioce that he is going to do the right thing. Well I dont. Thats the hard part, maybe he will come to his senses and realize that the people around him only care for him and that why we are being tough with him. Maybe its because of the times we've spent together had nothing to do about telling each other what to do (other than where to park or what machine we're to work out on). I dont know I am still shitty about this and it just doesnt make sense to me.
I have thought about these feelings that I am having and I was wondering if it was making me want to use. Absolutely not. I dont want to use that shit now more than ever. I cant explain where I get this from, but it is here and I want to show others what i have and that I want to give it away. In me the feelings I get from being sober far extend the feelings I received while on dope. I cant explain this. Dope no longer has a grip on me. People no longer can tell me that the actions of another will lead me back to using. Only the actions of myseld will lead me back to using. The actions I take today are true, honest, and noble. I am a noble being these days. In fact sometines I feel I am far superior to others, and that is not a good feeling. But when it comes to treatment and recovery I am far superior in my recovery than others. This isnt fair. I want to share it with others and how do I do this?
I do this by continuing to do what I have been doing to make a differnece in MY life. I go to work everyday, I go to my meetings on a regular basis, I eat and sleep regularly and I stay possitive. I do have social events that I try to plan, but now I am mostly focused on excercising. This way I keep doing possitive things for myself that I wasnt doing when I was using. I am a secretary for a meeting because I enjoy having a committment, and having somewhere to belong in recovery makes all the difference to me.
What really pisses me off about this, is that I have met someone who I like who has a way different addiction to the same drug that I am addicted to. What I mean by this is that it act completly different in him than I and I am running out of advice. It scares the shit out of me what it does to him, and he realizes it eventually, but that doesnt last long. I truly believe that if he is able to abstain for long enough, then it will make all the difference in the world for him. This time I talk about needs to be a minimum of 6 months for this to stick. It took me a year before I really started to see a significant change in my attitude. What can I expect then for the future?