Just detailing....instead of briefing

Aug 14, 2006 07:16

Well it turns out that I have a lot on my mind lately. It seems that I cant put anything into words when I try to write. Not only that but I've ventured off my normal way of writing and have moved over to "Free Style." Which is OK but now I'm having a hard time going back to my normal way of writing. It turns out that I love Nathan now more then I ever have and its hard knowing that he's with someone else. He spent the night the other night. As usual, we stayed up all night talking. He told me that he's still in love with me. Its funny how we both thought that we were over each other and then one day BOOM the feelings hit you so hard. I hope that he gives us one more chance. I dont think that we really got to be together the first times. Mom is doing OK I think. Shes really tense and snaps easily. I have to walk on eggshells. She worries me a lot. I'm losing sleep. No, serisouly, I am. I lay in bed for hours before I finally fall asleep. I wish that I could just make her pain go away or at least make her see that she is much better without TJ but I dont know how. It hurts me, just knowing, the pain that shes in. Saturday was my Sweet 16. It was pretty amazing. I got bunches of cool stuff and I got to hang out with my friends. I had a really great time. We have to start looking for another place to live now. We only have a six month lease and if our landlord doesnt let us sign another lease we have to move. I'm hoping that, if we do move, we wont be too far away from the school that I am going to so that we dont have to switch schools AGAIN. Especially, in the middle of a school year. Speaking of, I start school in a couple of weeks. I actually cant wait but the dress code there is crazy. We cant wear T-Shirts and our pants cant drag on the floor. Guys have to wear polos and shit like that. I have long legs so like the patns thing isnt a problem but like all I wear are T-Shirts. I dont know why they want us not to wear them. Whatever, I'll live with it. My dad is getting married again. This his is fourth legal marriage. Yea, I dont understand either. He said that he wants us to be at this one. Yea, I'm sure. He owes us like $12,000 in back child support. Think I'll ever see that? Thats a really big NO. OK, so yea, my dad isnt my favorite person in the world. I really havent had anything to do lately. I've been questioning some of my friends. They dont seem to be my friend because they wanna be my friend but because they need someone to talk to when no one else is around. Speaking of, Sam and I seem to be getting closer now. We couldnt talk before becuase she was pregnant and my mom was being weird about it. But she had her son two months ago and we've been able to hang out more. I'm hoping now that we'll be able to become best friends again. I have missed her soo much and I like being able to talk to her without worrying about getting in trouble with my mom. Her son, Jamar Lorenzo, is a beautiful baby. I love him with all my heart and I want to be able to see him grow up. Esmeralda asked me to come to her party on Saturday. I hope that I can, but her parents dont like me. At least, I think that they still dont like me. I dont know, it might've changed. I've realized, that for once in my life, I am completely satisfied with the way that I am and the way that I look. I think that I am perfect and I think that everyone should think that about themselves. I have been cut free for 1 year and 2 months as of today and I couldnt be happier about it. It makes me feel even better about myself having accomplished that. I got my tongue pierced a week ago. Its healing quite nicely. No, it didnt hurt, yes, your tongue does swell but not to the point that you talk funny. After a few days it isnt hard to eat at all and after a while you forget that you even have it while eat it. I do suggest plastic balls though so that you dont chip your teeth. Lately, I've been thinking about what I want to go to college for. I eiher want to go for business or I wanna be a math teacher. Not the easy math. I'm talking like Algebra 2 and Calculus. OR I could teach Accounting which is Business and Math. I do not know. I always wanna take creative writing and psychology. I love helping peopl out and giving advice and stuff. I also would like to learn to expand my writing. I mostly write poems and I would like to learn how to make my poetry better and learn how to write amazing stories. I know that my writing can be amazing I just have to learn how. There is so much to it. Its not as easy as you may think. Looks like I've run out of things to say..... I love you!! <3
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