(no subject)
Apparently this is quite the livejournal day for me, three updates in one day after a time period so much silence. I cant sleep, as usual because I am by myself. Which in an of itself is significant because as a child I was the worst at sleepovers, having other people near to me made me anxiouse to sleep and well....ADD and as you can put them together with sugar and see why I was a terrible sleepover guest. Point of this is that now unless I am near someone else I find it very hard to sleep. I mean I share a room with Kim, and then when I am home, I like to sleep in the "rat bed" (digusting yes, but its my little home)or I'm with laurel or whomever to keep me company and then when I'm here by myself I dont have anything to breathe with me except the broken dehumidifyer. (which I cant spell and it's frustrating me)...
Oh yeah so there was a real point to this entry which was to listen to myself...or...read myself complain about --I don't know. Well okay so as you ought to know "Weetzie Bat" by Francesea Lea Block is the closest thing I have to a bible on how to live in the fullest way. Jared gave me the entire book series for Christmas, which I recently finished. The books have so much beauty mixed with human emotion you know, so that it captures what it feels like for me to be real. Save for that at the end everyone finds thier true meaning, or true life essence, or SELF i guess. I know my personality. I know myself. Except for...
Have you noticed how many TV shows or informecials are about losing weight. AH. Now, this isnt a fat rant. But I find myself enviouse of people who I see who are "put together" as far as fashion. I mena some people I love thier fashion sense and others not so much but if they look/feel like themselves in thier body and clothing I think it kicks ass. I want to find my *insert spongebob voice* STYLE. which I dont want to be complicated. I know what I want but how does it get here on my body.
I ought to start making clothes...first step.. operation a sewing machine...you know my mom sewed a needle straight through her finger once..and if genes have anything to do with it I'm screwed.
Nevermind scratch that.
Why do I have such a fixation on money. Not in that I want to gain ample amounts but I am always afriad of running out and then starving to death. Which is really silly because I have a job....a couple jobs.
Well maybe I wont after what I want to do with my hair..
I want to be Weetzie bat.
Maybe I should wait for the whole hair things. I am a very complusive person though then arent I?. notice the period after this so dont really bother remarking on such.
God, I have such silly thoughts sometimes.
Its hard sometimes, because the only people you hear about are the ones who are either rich, important, beautiful, or incredibly stupid. or sometimes all of the above. Where are the people like myself. Then I remember I am myself and that's all I can ask for. Hell I'm not half bad for never having breast milk which apparently is suppose to have made me a dumbass. I think I'm alright. and my mom can pretend her boobs dont sag (they do a little, but then so does my arm fat so it's cool)
Anyways, what I am saying is that as much as I genuinly (incorrect spelling IGNORED) try to seperate myself from the general people/public of the world-- I am of these general people and there is no one who is more incredible than any other person really. We can all die. I mean take MacBeth for example...he thought he was pretty frickin sweet and that so didnt work out at all now did it.
I am very selfish, and I have come to be very perfectly comfortable with that . I dont want to live for other people. I mean you really cant, because living for other people??? then they wont be able to live thier own life...you will be sitting around being them or living through them or feeding them or some shit like that.
I forgot to ask Max about Hinduism, I know he was online earlier. I dont want to practice it. I hate organized religion. hell motherfuck it. I hate the PRACTICE of relgion...not the organiztion...I mena you can mentally organize the slaughter of thousands of innocent people for no reason excpet for thier skin color or EVEN BETTER because thier religion is different...BUT PRACTICING that is the problem....oh. wait. religons do that dont they..?. notice. period dont comment or I will conjure my own damn religion and practice it by slaughtering you...
JUST KIDDING. or am i?
SMOKE BREAK. except I can smoke and type...because well lets be honest I kick ass at being a smoker..I either dont get ID'd (in livonia) or they look at my picture on my licsence a million times because I never look the same between months let alone years. ASHES ASHES EVERYWHERE BUT NOT A DROP TO DRINK.
I LOVE THIS FUCKING SONG...the crucifucks-- Marching for Trash.
You know Ive always wanted to write book
hey i got into another college...uh...right now..I just checked...5 hours ahead dont you just know. Why didnt Jared get any responses. that pisses me off. Kingston University. Outside of London.
I need guidance give me some rules...so I can be like all the other fools!
That totally stopped my trains of thought. Which didnt make any sense anyways. Maybe now would be the appropriate time to sleep and pee...although not at the same time. I hope.
Oh yeah so there was a real point to this entry which was to listen to myself...or...read myself complain about --I don't know. Well okay so as you ought to know "Weetzie Bat" by Francesea Lea Block is the closest thing I have to a bible on how to live in the fullest way. Jared gave me the entire book series for Christmas, which I recently finished. The books have so much beauty mixed with human emotion you know, so that it captures what it feels like for me to be real. Save for that at the end everyone finds thier true meaning, or true life essence, or SELF i guess. I know my personality. I know myself. Except for...
Have you noticed how many TV shows or informecials are about losing weight. AH. Now, this isnt a fat rant. But I find myself enviouse of people who I see who are "put together" as far as fashion. I mena some people I love thier fashion sense and others not so much but if they look/feel like themselves in thier body and clothing I think it kicks ass. I want to find my *insert spongebob voice* STYLE. which I dont want to be complicated. I know what I want but how does it get here on my body.
I ought to start making clothes...first step.. operation a sewing machine...you know my mom sewed a needle straight through her finger once..and if genes have anything to do with it I'm screwed.
Nevermind scratch that.
Why do I have such a fixation on money. Not in that I want to gain ample amounts but I am always afriad of running out and then starving to death. Which is really silly because I have a job....a couple jobs.
Well maybe I wont after what I want to do with my hair..
I want to be Weetzie bat.
Maybe I should wait for the whole hair things. I am a very complusive person though then arent I?. notice the period after this so dont really bother remarking on such.
God, I have such silly thoughts sometimes.
Its hard sometimes, because the only people you hear about are the ones who are either rich, important, beautiful, or incredibly stupid. or sometimes all of the above. Where are the people like myself. Then I remember I am myself and that's all I can ask for. Hell I'm not half bad for never having breast milk which apparently is suppose to have made me a dumbass. I think I'm alright. and my mom can pretend her boobs dont sag (they do a little, but then so does my arm fat so it's cool)
Anyways, what I am saying is that as much as I genuinly (incorrect spelling IGNORED) try to seperate myself from the general people/public of the world-- I am of these general people and there is no one who is more incredible than any other person really. We can all die. I mean take MacBeth for example...he thought he was pretty frickin sweet and that so didnt work out at all now did it.
I am very selfish, and I have come to be very perfectly comfortable with that . I dont want to live for other people. I mean you really cant, because living for other people??? then they wont be able to live thier own life...you will be sitting around being them or living through them or feeding them or some shit like that.
I forgot to ask Max about Hinduism, I know he was online earlier. I dont want to practice it. I hate organized religion. hell motherfuck it. I hate the PRACTICE of relgion...not the organiztion...I mena you can mentally organize the slaughter of thousands of innocent people for no reason excpet for thier skin color or EVEN BETTER because thier religion is different...BUT PRACTICING that is the problem....oh. wait. religons do that dont they..?. notice. period dont comment or I will conjure my own damn religion and practice it by slaughtering you...
JUST KIDDING. or am i?
SMOKE BREAK. except I can smoke and type...because well lets be honest I kick ass at being a smoker..I either dont get ID'd (in livonia) or they look at my picture on my licsence a million times because I never look the same between months let alone years. ASHES ASHES EVERYWHERE BUT NOT A DROP TO DRINK.
I LOVE THIS FUCKING SONG...the crucifucks-- Marching for Trash.
You know Ive always wanted to write book
hey i got into another college...uh...right now..I just checked...5 hours ahead dont you just know. Why didnt Jared get any responses. that pisses me off. Kingston University. Outside of London.
I need guidance give me some rules...so I can be like all the other fools!
That totally stopped my trains of thought. Which didnt make any sense anyways. Maybe now would be the appropriate time to sleep and pee...although not at the same time. I hope.