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I seriously need help here. PLEASE someone give me some kind of advice on how to relax...how to just..trust someone. I have NO idea what i'm doing anymore...
I've been so miserable lately...like..when i hang with my friends, i'm not REALLY having as much fun as i probably should be having. For example, my birthday party was really fun, for everyone BUT me. There was no reason why i shouldn't have been enjoying myself. Nothing bad was happening. Mostly everyone showed up. And everyone was having soooo much fun...except me...for no damn reason. The only reason i could pull out of it was that austin wasn't paying as much attention to me as i would have liked...but that's not fair to him i guess...
But moving on...last night i went to the movies with Austin and people. And i was just miserable the whole time. I feel super depressed half the time. And i'm expecting way too much from him...he has his own life. I know that. But it's like i'm making it so he CAN'T have his own life, and at this rate i'm gonna end up ruining our relationship and losing him again...only this time, it will REALLY be because of me.
Everytime he goes somewhere with his friends i think he's gonna do something stupid. All because he tried pot ONCE. I never had a problem with him going out before...
So basically i worry and i worry and i work myself up. and then he feels bad like he shouldn't even bother seeing his friends. And it's just not fucking fair to him..but i have NO IDEA how to stop it from happening.
I need to figure out how to relax. How to trust him again. How to trust his friends not to force him to do anything. How to be laid back like i used to be and stop needing eveything in some kind of order or something. Basically...i need to be more like i was a year ago...and i dont even know how to go about it.
I MISS who i used to be. TERRIBLY. And i'm driving him crazy with this, along with myself. He said it seems like my trust issues just keep getting worse and not better. He knew it waould take time to fix things when we got back together, but he didn't think it would be THIS bad...and neither did I...
He said it's like i depend on him for everything...and i can't deny it. It feels like he's the only person i can be happy around for the most part...and i just don't know what to do.
And he is being very supportive. He said he wants to help me with this, and he's going to try his hardest, but he needs me to try too...and I am...but i can't figure this out...I'm hoping my 2 week vacation in Connecticut, away from my job, away from my florida friends, away from Austin...will make this better...I really really am...but that's not a promise i can even make...I mean, i'm sure it'll fix a decent amount of it. But my other huge fear, is knowing i won't be around here for him. And he'll have all the time in the world to do whatever with his friends...which he needs...god i know he needs that...so do i..but i'm so scared to let it happen...I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHY!
It's like i'm trying to keep him from experiencing his life or making normal human mistakes..And it hurts me that i can't control myself right now...
I just wanna be like i used to be...care free, happy, laid back...
Any advice would be great...=[
I've been so miserable lately...like..when i hang with my friends, i'm not REALLY having as much fun as i probably should be having. For example, my birthday party was really fun, for everyone BUT me. There was no reason why i shouldn't have been enjoying myself. Nothing bad was happening. Mostly everyone showed up. And everyone was having soooo much fun...except me...for no damn reason. The only reason i could pull out of it was that austin wasn't paying as much attention to me as i would have liked...but that's not fair to him i guess...
But moving on...last night i went to the movies with Austin and people. And i was just miserable the whole time. I feel super depressed half the time. And i'm expecting way too much from him...he has his own life. I know that. But it's like i'm making it so he CAN'T have his own life, and at this rate i'm gonna end up ruining our relationship and losing him again...only this time, it will REALLY be because of me.
Everytime he goes somewhere with his friends i think he's gonna do something stupid. All because he tried pot ONCE. I never had a problem with him going out before...
So basically i worry and i worry and i work myself up. and then he feels bad like he shouldn't even bother seeing his friends. And it's just not fucking fair to him..but i have NO IDEA how to stop it from happening.
I need to figure out how to relax. How to trust him again. How to trust his friends not to force him to do anything. How to be laid back like i used to be and stop needing eveything in some kind of order or something. Basically...i need to be more like i was a year ago...and i dont even know how to go about it.
I MISS who i used to be. TERRIBLY. And i'm driving him crazy with this, along with myself. He said it seems like my trust issues just keep getting worse and not better. He knew it waould take time to fix things when we got back together, but he didn't think it would be THIS bad...and neither did I...
He said it's like i depend on him for everything...and i can't deny it. It feels like he's the only person i can be happy around for the most part...and i just don't know what to do.
And he is being very supportive. He said he wants to help me with this, and he's going to try his hardest, but he needs me to try too...and I am...but i can't figure this out...I'm hoping my 2 week vacation in Connecticut, away from my job, away from my florida friends, away from Austin...will make this better...I really really am...but that's not a promise i can even make...I mean, i'm sure it'll fix a decent amount of it. But my other huge fear, is knowing i won't be around here for him. And he'll have all the time in the world to do whatever with his friends...which he needs...god i know he needs that...so do i..but i'm so scared to let it happen...I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHY!
It's like i'm trying to keep him from experiencing his life or making normal human mistakes..And it hurts me that i can't control myself right now...
I just wanna be like i used to be...care free, happy, laid back...
Any advice would be great...=[