The kind [of girl] who tells you she's bipolar just to make you trust her.
I spent all of yesterday in Western Psych.
And I thought I was crazy.
I had to go to the emergency room.
Who even knew there was a mental health emergency room?
So there were basically a lot of crackheads.
Some kid who just witnessed a gang shooting.
A girl who just attempted to committ suicide.
Some random neurotic man in his 40's that kept flipping through the same magazine over and over and over.
And finally, a kid who went to a crisis center because he wanted to kill himself, and the girl from the center brought him to Western Psych.
It seems that the only thing they are worried about in there is whether or not someone is going to committ sucicide that very second.
They ran tests for about 3 hours, asking me the most inane questions I could even imagine.
Do I hear voices or hallucinate?
No.
When was the last time I felt depressed?
Uhm Currently?!?! (fucking duh.)
Was I sexually abused as a child?
No.
Was I physically abused as a child?
No.
(The last two questions were asked to me about 10 times)
If you go home are you going to kill yourself?
No.
(This question was asked about 50 times)
When discussing self mutilation, they inquired about my tattoos.
I found that to be curious.
I talked to 4 different doctors and they all made the same observation.
They all said, "Why do you smile when you talk about wanting to die?"
My current therapist noted this as well.
They also concluded that I have borderline personality disorder.
Manic depression/ Bipolar Disorder
Anixety
I don't disagree with any of this.
Although
I was surprised by borderline personality disorder.
It describes my life perfectly.
And personally
all of this diagnosis is making me act crazy.
But they determined that I was stable enough to go home.
I start extensive therapy and medication management on Monday.
So I will be in therapy 4 days a week for three to four hours a day.
And on a shitload of new medication
Oh I also have drug and alcohol therapy which I seriously do not think is needed.
I've been staying at my molm's for the last couple of days in case Brian shows up at my house.
I spend a lot of time crying and thinking.
Writing.
I am filled with so much empty that I don't even think I could function in the real world right now.
And I thought I was crazy.
I had to go to the emergency room.
Who even knew there was a mental health emergency room?
So there were basically a lot of crackheads.
Some kid who just witnessed a gang shooting.
A girl who just attempted to committ suicide.
Some random neurotic man in his 40's that kept flipping through the same magazine over and over and over.
And finally, a kid who went to a crisis center because he wanted to kill himself, and the girl from the center brought him to Western Psych.
It seems that the only thing they are worried about in there is whether or not someone is going to committ sucicide that very second.
They ran tests for about 3 hours, asking me the most inane questions I could even imagine.
Do I hear voices or hallucinate?
No.
When was the last time I felt depressed?
Uhm Currently?!?! (fucking duh.)
Was I sexually abused as a child?
No.
Was I physically abused as a child?
No.
(The last two questions were asked to me about 10 times)
If you go home are you going to kill yourself?
No.
(This question was asked about 50 times)
When discussing self mutilation, they inquired about my tattoos.
I found that to be curious.
I talked to 4 different doctors and they all made the same observation.
They all said, "Why do you smile when you talk about wanting to die?"
My current therapist noted this as well.
They also concluded that I have borderline personality disorder.
Manic depression/ Bipolar Disorder
Anixety
I don't disagree with any of this.
Although
I was surprised by borderline personality disorder.
It describes my life perfectly.
And personally
all of this diagnosis is making me act crazy.
But they determined that I was stable enough to go home.
I start extensive therapy and medication management on Monday.
So I will be in therapy 4 days a week for three to four hours a day.
And on a shitload of new medication
Oh I also have drug and alcohol therapy which I seriously do not think is needed.
I've been staying at my molm's for the last couple of days in case Brian shows up at my house.
I spend a lot of time crying and thinking.
Writing.
I am filled with so much empty that I don't even think I could function in the real world right now.