"... I've never lost so much... I've never lost so much..."
I'm back in BG. I enjoy it here. I feel better here.
The weekend ended up ok on a superficial level, but... helped me alot on a deeper level.
I finally have an answer to the question I've had on my mind for weeks. And it's a nice thing to have. An answer.
It will be a long, long, long time until I get over Alex, and I just hope she knows that in that time (which will probably end up being at least the next 6 months) if she figures out that I'm what she wants in her life, that I'm still here. I hope she knows that. I will always be ready for Alex. Always. At 20; at 25... or as I promised at 26. She knows I care about her tremendously. And that I always will.
Love will do that to you.
I can't and won't give up on her. But in the next year or so that I take to really "move on," if she wants me, she can have me. Even if I'm dating someone else. Even if I like someone else. My love for her will last a long, long time.
If I had my choice, it'd last forever. It'd last until the day I died, and then even past that.
That day a month ago will always be my one regret.
I took the chance this weekend so I wouldn't have regrets. Or "what if's?"
I know where things are. I know where they will continue to be.
I miss Alex, and I will continue to miss Alex.
I am hers as long as I'm in love with her. And I'll probably be in love with for years to come.
But that doesn't mean I won't work on moving on. I have to. But until that day when I don't feel as if I need Alex in my life, she can re-enter whenever she wants. But it's her choice. She can make it anytime.
When I come back to Cincinnati in December (which is up in the air right now), I'll see where I am. I'll see where she is. Maybe things will change. Maybe they won't. I can't dwell on what could happen. Or what could have happened.
I'm gonna live my life. I believe in fate. And if I'm meant for her, then we'll meet again. Then we'll be together again.
For the first time in over a month, I am thinking clearly. And I feel good.
I'm finally ready to look at things. To look at where I'm going, because I have a handle on the past.
In a sense, I will be waiting for her, because as long as I'm in love with her, I can't be with anyone else. I can't love anyone else. I can't see anyone else. As long as I'm in love with her, I'm waiting for her. But long will that be for? A month? 6 months? A year? I don't know. But I can guarentee it won't be for a long time.
My past will always be in my future. And I hope she knows that.
The weekend ended up ok on a superficial level, but... helped me alot on a deeper level.
I finally have an answer to the question I've had on my mind for weeks. And it's a nice thing to have. An answer.
It will be a long, long, long time until I get over Alex, and I just hope she knows that in that time (which will probably end up being at least the next 6 months) if she figures out that I'm what she wants in her life, that I'm still here. I hope she knows that. I will always be ready for Alex. Always. At 20; at 25... or as I promised at 26. She knows I care about her tremendously. And that I always will.
Love will do that to you.
I can't and won't give up on her. But in the next year or so that I take to really "move on," if she wants me, she can have me. Even if I'm dating someone else. Even if I like someone else. My love for her will last a long, long time.
If I had my choice, it'd last forever. It'd last until the day I died, and then even past that.
That day a month ago will always be my one regret.
I took the chance this weekend so I wouldn't have regrets. Or "what if's?"
I know where things are. I know where they will continue to be.
I miss Alex, and I will continue to miss Alex.
I am hers as long as I'm in love with her. And I'll probably be in love with for years to come.
But that doesn't mean I won't work on moving on. I have to. But until that day when I don't feel as if I need Alex in my life, she can re-enter whenever she wants. But it's her choice. She can make it anytime.
When I come back to Cincinnati in December (which is up in the air right now), I'll see where I am. I'll see where she is. Maybe things will change. Maybe they won't. I can't dwell on what could happen. Or what could have happened.
I'm gonna live my life. I believe in fate. And if I'm meant for her, then we'll meet again. Then we'll be together again.
For the first time in over a month, I am thinking clearly. And I feel good.
I'm finally ready to look at things. To look at where I'm going, because I have a handle on the past.
In a sense, I will be waiting for her, because as long as I'm in love with her, I can't be with anyone else. I can't love anyone else. I can't see anyone else. As long as I'm in love with her, I'm waiting for her. But long will that be for? A month? 6 months? A year? I don't know. But I can guarentee it won't be for a long time.
My past will always be in my future. And I hope she knows that.