Time, why do you punish me?
What's wrong with my timeline? It seems like there is always either too much time or not enough time for what I want to do. The universal sundial is never in harmony with the way I'd like for things to be. Will this ever change?
I can't help but think it will change someday, and there will be someone who wants to live with me in the time frame that makes me happy: the one where learning, honesty, laughter, and heartfelt connections always last longer than misery, disappointment, inadequacy, and loneliness. It's funny because I always thought his wristwatch was sort of silly, but now I miss seeing it every day. The watch he gave me still doesn't have batteries in it. It just stands still--and yet time is not bound by the hands on a clock or a watch. Turning, turning, turning, it keeps things moving at a rate where the past is long gone and the future is far too far from the now. Will I ever be content with the now? Maybe when now is tomorrow. Or when now is yesterday, for that matter.
But for now, I just hold onto another day and then effortlessly let it slip away. I do find days I enjoy and I hang onto them with all my might. Somehow, though, they just move on like all the others.
Days go by and I find I'm standing still. I'm afraid it will take a marathon of epic proportions to get me back on track with the universal sundial.
... I keep running as though I have something to give.