Grey and taupe, beige and blue.
My job laid off all of it's employees excluding myself and a few others. I feel gross worming now, silly as that sounds. I met a boy with crooked teeth and strange beliefs about the world and how he should live. I have four jobs now, all stacking up to nothing but hopefully paying bills. I have a muddled direction I want to walk in, I don't know where to go now. Is this the industry for me? It seems riddled with half time jobs, little here and there's, and no permanence. I make $30,000 a year. I think the minimum you're supposed to do is $40,000- it seems more adulty. That's a word. It's easy to find sex and bodies, and sometimes easier still to pass the time doing nothing or spending money. It's interesting to sift through people lightly until the right few settle at the bottom of the sieve. Nestled in with the chaff. I feel grey. I was supposed to work today, but instead got readyan lay on my floor, despondent. Ive been listening to the same song for an hour now, on the carpet. Prodded by text messages here and there. Ephemeral hello's, no weight. I want weight. I want heaviness. It's autumn, and dark outside earlier now. It's 5:30 and the sky is navy blue black, it looks like home. Walking home from school down the lane and watching the sun set far away, in the cold. Can't something silent and strong wrap me up now? I'm getting blanker. This apartment needs to be decorated but I'm so broke it's stupid.