now i can speak
okay i know that i should be off to bed but what fun is that i can sleep anyway . . .not with all this pressure of tomorrow at hand. i feel as if my wkend was a waste of time. i did absolutely nothing good for myself. i ate a lot bc of my cousin's party and at outback for mother's day. but who goes out to a party and doesn't eat or goes out to eat and doesn't just enjoy themselves, eh? but whatev. i am going to start running after school again. it has been like 3 weeks now since districts and that was the last time i ran anything. and i think that i want to do swim next year, but i am going to have to be in really good shape to do that. bc i am doing cross country and swim is in the same season and so i will be wearing myself out. but it is for the better for my lazy ass. and then my mom get off my back about my appearance. i swear that woman is more self-conscious about my body then i am. when it comes to planning a party there are ppl that you know you want to come and feel fine inviting them, but then there are others that you want to invite but if you invite them you have the obligation issue at hand. yeah . . . .that is totally happening to me. but whatev.i really do need to get in shape thou . . .run, run, run! and eat right! okay, so talking to philip is not going to do anything. no matter what i do or say to that estrogen filled boy it will never please him or be good enough. i am just going to stay away and let him be and if he wants to talk to me he will and if he doesn't then he doesn't and i will just have to accept it. but if i continue to push he will continue to pull. oh well . . . .life sucks and then you die, what else is there? can everyone be epicurean or what about everyone become hedonistic? that would be good too! anyways . . . today was my booboo's anniversaire de naissance! and i wished him a happy birthday! i love him sooo much and i know that recently i have not been talking about him all that much ut i do love him and would not rather go out with anyone else! even if . . . todd maloney where to come up to me and ask me out i would decline! i miss my boo and i am glad that i get to see him tomorrow! i am starting to get anxiety and this mainly happens at night. i am not all that sure if daren's mother approves of him having a g/f. i get so nervous around here and i know that she sense it. eh, i guess i don't blame her . . . i do not think that i am the absolute best for him in a mother's persective. where as my mom is like he is so wonderful and yadda yadda. but my dad is like what a fag he doesn't know how to change a tire and he has long hair and he wears a head band! he called him a fag (hehe i thought that it was kinda funny)! i do not like daren's bro bradley and we will leave it at that! is it wicked to not wish your mother a happy mother's day?