I never update...
It has, once again, been brought to my attention that I never update my diary, and that whenever I do, its just crap to fill some time, not a real entry. To this, I say MEEP!!
As for something to update with, I cant think of much to say, I'm gonna start with my personal life...
Things are going well with Rachael, as usual, but just when I think im overcoming my depression, a sort of wave of doubt and sadness just envelopes me. I become paranoid, I KNOW Rachael loves me as much as I love her, but little things just set me off when Im in this state. The smallest things begin to put doubts into my head.
"Rachael hasn't spent much time with me this week, something's up, she hates me." or "Rachael is talking to someone that isnt me, have I done something." In the first instance, I know that Rachaels been very unwell, and has been in bed, and thinking these things just makes me feel even worse, in the 2nd, I know that Rachael is entitled to her life outside of the relationship, and I wouldnt even dream of saying anything to the contrary. Again this adds to my feeling of self doubt and depression. I have always asked that Rachael come to me should she have any problems, but after experiencing this, I understand why she doesn't. You just feel so stupid for thinking these things, because, by my own admission, they are ridiculous. After a while, these feelings are surpressed, and so you think your over this particular bout, until the next time these foolish doubts being to creep in once again, the sadness washes over you, and you find yourself fighting back tears. Depression is a terrible, terrible condition, I only hope that together, we can overcome it. As the old saying goes, united we stand....
Next, my new job, I now work for the DSA, booking driving tests, so far, it seems pretty good, a very relaxed atmosphere, and in my first few hours of taking calls, I feel such a sensation of satisfaction, I'm actually doing something to benefit someone else, providing a good customer service. I'm hoping that this will add some routine and stability to my personal life, after working at sitel, I've realised that being in a job as bad as that one only exacerbates things, in this case to the point of making me physically ill.
Thats about all I can think of to say for now, my longest and most heart-felt entry to date. My hope, to feel better after getting some of this off my chest, my request, for some reason, I've left this as public, so no ridiculing me.
Thanks for reading this far, sorry, no prizes :)
My love, as always to my little Bambino, my heart and thoughts are always with you.
x x x x x x
As for something to update with, I cant think of much to say, I'm gonna start with my personal life...
Things are going well with Rachael, as usual, but just when I think im overcoming my depression, a sort of wave of doubt and sadness just envelopes me. I become paranoid, I KNOW Rachael loves me as much as I love her, but little things just set me off when Im in this state. The smallest things begin to put doubts into my head.
"Rachael hasn't spent much time with me this week, something's up, she hates me." or "Rachael is talking to someone that isnt me, have I done something." In the first instance, I know that Rachaels been very unwell, and has been in bed, and thinking these things just makes me feel even worse, in the 2nd, I know that Rachael is entitled to her life outside of the relationship, and I wouldnt even dream of saying anything to the contrary. Again this adds to my feeling of self doubt and depression. I have always asked that Rachael come to me should she have any problems, but after experiencing this, I understand why she doesn't. You just feel so stupid for thinking these things, because, by my own admission, they are ridiculous. After a while, these feelings are surpressed, and so you think your over this particular bout, until the next time these foolish doubts being to creep in once again, the sadness washes over you, and you find yourself fighting back tears. Depression is a terrible, terrible condition, I only hope that together, we can overcome it. As the old saying goes, united we stand....
Next, my new job, I now work for the DSA, booking driving tests, so far, it seems pretty good, a very relaxed atmosphere, and in my first few hours of taking calls, I feel such a sensation of satisfaction, I'm actually doing something to benefit someone else, providing a good customer service. I'm hoping that this will add some routine and stability to my personal life, after working at sitel, I've realised that being in a job as bad as that one only exacerbates things, in this case to the point of making me physically ill.
Thats about all I can think of to say for now, my longest and most heart-felt entry to date. My hope, to feel better after getting some of this off my chest, my request, for some reason, I've left this as public, so no ridiculing me.
Thanks for reading this far, sorry, no prizes :)
My love, as always to my little Bambino, my heart and thoughts are always with you.
x x x x x x