I'm not nervous. Who's nervous?
I'm fine. Totally fine. Great, even.
Except that writing job-- the one that I'm kind of conflicted about, but was fantastic in that it paid more than twice as much as [Retail Overlord] even as a temp position-- is ending next Friday. And [Retail Overlord] just offered me a promotion, not a great promotion (because the next level is the one that has to catch all the shit and smile about it-- yay retail) but something I would have grabbed with both hands and happy-danced about a year ago. Instead, I told them I was floating my resume on a few communications jobs (which is true) but I hadn't heard back yet and I wouldn't want to take the promotion and then ditch them when I got a better offer.
Which I would. Bringing me back to my nerves.
Change is not my forte. It's not anybody's forte, and I know people much worse with change than I am, but that doesn't mean a little bit of change-aversion and anxiety isn't obnoxious. The thing I keep landing on is that I've worked at [Retail Overlord] for ten years next month. First of all, I have a degree and I should really be doing something that makes all the time and money I invested in it pay off. Second of all, ten years is a really long time to keep myself stuck in a not-ideal job (I won't lie and say that I don't like it; most days are fine and I've made friends I never would have if I hadn't been there this long).
The real anxiety comes from the part where I've been filling out applications, sending in my resume and tweaking the hell out of my professional digital portfolio, and I haven't even gotten any interviews. Hell, I didn't even get an interview when I applied for the job I'm temping in; I got a very nice form email explaining that they were looking at other candidates.
So anyway. Tonight sort of brought all the imminent change into focus. I'm looking for full-time employment instead of going back and forth through various part-time things. My boss knows I'm looking for other stuff, which doesn't actually mean anything but still adds to my nerves. And my bumper paycheck from that temp job is going away.
I'm fine.
Except that writing job-- the one that I'm kind of conflicted about, but was fantastic in that it paid more than twice as much as [Retail Overlord] even as a temp position-- is ending next Friday. And [Retail Overlord] just offered me a promotion, not a great promotion (because the next level is the one that has to catch all the shit and smile about it-- yay retail) but something I would have grabbed with both hands and happy-danced about a year ago. Instead, I told them I was floating my resume on a few communications jobs (which is true) but I hadn't heard back yet and I wouldn't want to take the promotion and then ditch them when I got a better offer.
Which I would. Bringing me back to my nerves.
Change is not my forte. It's not anybody's forte, and I know people much worse with change than I am, but that doesn't mean a little bit of change-aversion and anxiety isn't obnoxious. The thing I keep landing on is that I've worked at [Retail Overlord] for ten years next month. First of all, I have a degree and I should really be doing something that makes all the time and money I invested in it pay off. Second of all, ten years is a really long time to keep myself stuck in a not-ideal job (I won't lie and say that I don't like it; most days are fine and I've made friends I never would have if I hadn't been there this long).
The real anxiety comes from the part where I've been filling out applications, sending in my resume and tweaking the hell out of my professional digital portfolio, and I haven't even gotten any interviews. Hell, I didn't even get an interview when I applied for the job I'm temping in; I got a very nice form email explaining that they were looking at other candidates.
So anyway. Tonight sort of brought all the imminent change into focus. I'm looking for full-time employment instead of going back and forth through various part-time things. My boss knows I'm looking for other stuff, which doesn't actually mean anything but still adds to my nerves. And my bumper paycheck from that temp job is going away.
I'm fine.