She shifts and smiles dully at him. "I...I don't."
Inyri presses her lips together and thinks for a moment. "I'm doing it again...the whole...pushing people away. I started a fight with Shalla and walked out when she told me if I did, she'd give up on me.
"I wanted to lose a friend. I lost one. I..." She looks away and bites down on her lip. "I'm so unhappy right now. I don't want...to fly anymore. I don't want the friends I have, and...sometimes I don't even want you around."
She tilts her head and looks at him when she says that, lips pressed together and brow furrowed. She doesn't mean that she never wants him...it's just...she's so...out of it.
"I mean, I love you, I really do. But...I'm sabotaging myself for no reason...except to just punish myself for nothing. I..."
It hurts a little. He knows it shouldn't, but it does, and it requires conscious effort not to lean away from her for a moment.
"Shalla can't give up on you," he says, "not forever. Not if she cares about you. But..."
Most of the things he can think of to say are easier said than done. But so are most things in life.
"But you can't give up on yourself, either. If you don't like how things are, you have to change them. I'll help -- or, or if you don't want me around--"
He reaches out a hand to lower hers, and wipes away her tears gently with a thumb before leaning forward to kiss her cheek.
"I don't know," he says honestly. "But you're the one who's gonna do the important stuff anyway. I'm just here for the booze runs and the paperwork and the really bad jokes. Plus, if you need anyone shot, I can do that."
She leans forward when he kisses her cheek and sighs, watching her hands. They tremble slightly.
"I think...I want to quit again. Flying." She looks up at him. "There's a flight instructor opening, and maybe I'd be better at that. I mean...I can show people what to do. I don't want other people dying."
She just doesn't trust herself at the helm of a ship anymore.
He shrugs out of his jacket as he enters the living room, then sees Inyri on the couch and stops.
"Hey, what's goin' on?"
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She doesn't give in, though. "Hey. I think we should...I should talk. If...if you're willing to listen."
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"Course," he says, sitting beside her and watching her with some concern. "I'll listen. I won't even sleep a little."
(On the inside, he's terrified.)
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Inyri presses her lips together and thinks for a moment. "I'm doing it again...the whole...pushing people away. I started a fight with Shalla and walked out when she told me if I did, she'd give up on me.
"I wanted to lose a friend. I lost one. I..." She looks away and bites down on her lip. "I'm so unhappy right now. I don't want...to fly anymore. I don't want the friends I have, and...sometimes I don't even want you around."
She tilts her head and looks at him when she says that, lips pressed together and brow furrowed. She doesn't mean that she never wants him...it's just...she's so...out of it.
"I mean, I love you, I really do. But...I'm sabotaging myself for no reason...except to just punish myself for nothing. I..."
She shakes her head and drifts off.
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"Shalla can't give up on you," he says, "not forever. Not if she cares about you. But..."
Most of the things he can think of to say are easier said than done. But so are most things in life.
"But you can't give up on yourself, either. If you don't like how things are, you have to change them. I'll help -- or, or if you don't want me around--"
He can't really finish that sentence.
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She reaches out for him, her hand on his shirt, smoothing wrinkles. "I don't think that you going away would make this any better."
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He's ambitious.
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He reaches out a hand to lower hers, and wipes away her tears gently with a thumb before leaning forward to kiss her cheek.
"I don't know," he says honestly. "But you're the one who's gonna do the important stuff anyway. I'm just here for the booze runs and the paperwork and the really bad jokes. Plus, if you need anyone shot, I can do that."
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"I think...I want to quit again. Flying." She looks up at him. "There's a flight instructor opening, and maybe I'd be better at that. I mean...I can show people what to do. I don't want other people dying."
She just doesn't trust herself at the helm of a ship anymore.
"But I'll think on it more."
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"Teachin' a bunch of snot-nosed brats to fly? Yeah, you could do that. Might even be fun for you."
He holds her hands and leans forward again and says, quietly, "I'd miss you in the Rogues, though."
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It's not like the sims. She won't get a restart then.
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"It won't," he says in a fierce whisper. "You won't let it. Boom's only good 'nough for Imps and you know it."
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"I don't know if I know it," She murmurs into his shirt, voice muffled. "And...'m doing it slowly anyway. I didn't stop smoking."
She sounds pitiful, whispering into his shirt like that, confessing her offences.
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"'s better than big boom. But you didn't tell me."
That hurts, too. It's not important in the grand scheme of things, not really, but he can't help it.
"You do know it, though. Just gotta remember. Would a diagram help?"
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She sighs. "I...just didn't want you mad at me."
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