LOG; Satsuki + Ryutaro
Satsuki&Ryutaro
Kuro Road -> Ryutaro's House
Rated PG for talk of killing and that sort of thing.
Ryutaro walked into his house, his hands filled with paper bags of groceries. He decided he needed to stock up on food...possibly try and teach himself how to cook. He spent a few moments putting things away, letting out a content sigh. He took a small can of cat food into his hand, peeling off the aluminum top. He rose an eyebrow. No sign of the orange furball. He leaned down and poured the brown seafood mixture into her bowl. Still no sound, which was very odd. Whenever Ryutaro opened up a new can of food, she was always there.
"Soubi?" He called out, slowly standing up. "Soubi!" He called her name again, louder this time. Not a rustle or a meow. Nothing. Goddamnit. He searched throughout the house, looking around every corner, under every piece of furniture. Nothing. Ryutaro sighed out of frustration as he stood in the middle of the living room. She was probably outside. Just great. Ryutaro headed for the front door, going outside into the cool early evening's air. His eyes looked all over the place before he began to walk down the sidewalk. She couldn't be far...hopefully.
Hour one two three four five six seventy-three with no sleep whatsoever found Satsuki walking quickly down the sidewalk in his neighbourhood, watching people through their windows and in yards, kids playing in the streets; just waiting to get run over.
They were all so boring. Really, was their anything more nauseating than normalcy?
He caught sight of something orange and fluffy ten feet ahead. A cat, it seemed... probably a neighbour's pet. He had no business picking it up, staring at it in the eyes, hissing at it to see what it did, but he did so anyway.
"Hey, kitty, kitty." He sat on the sidewalk, placing the cat on the asphalt and patting it on the head. "Where the fuck do you belong?"
Ryutaro was getting slightly worried when he didn't see Soubi. He just wanted to say 'Forget it' and go back in the cold, lonely, dark security of his home, not out here in the wide open when just anyone could see him. The cat would come back...what if she didn't? What if she died somewhere, got hit by a car? Ryutaro bit his lip in anticipation hoping Soubi was okay. He had the cat for his whole life, she couldn't leave now.
Ryutaro looked up ahead and saw someone sitting on the sidewalk. Maybe he would know where Soubi went...Ryutaro really wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone (like he was ever) but he wanted to find his cat. He walked closer and his eyes widened as he saw Soubi in front of the man, getting attention. "Stupid cat." He breathed as he walked up to the man.
"Ahh...you found Soubi." He said, looking down at the cat before his eyes lingered over to the man. Ryutaro didn't have time to look at his face before he saw the wounds covering the other's skin. He knew all too well that they were not just an accident...oh how much he wanted that again. His throat tightened, his stomach doing a somersault as he forced his eyes to look away.
Right there, it would seem.
Satsuki gave the man a crooked grin; damn, he looked sad, like an overaged Goth kid- except his eyes were totally unreadable. "Soubi, eh?"
The cat was handed to Ryutaro. Old cat, it seemed; Satsuki had half expected her to scratch his eyes out. All animals seemed to hate him- including people.
"Better keep a leash on her. Nobody can drive in this city."
His words were detached, as if someone else were saying them, slipping out without a second's thought. He couldn't keep his hands still, linking them together and pulling them apart over and over and over again.
Ryutaro nodded slightly as he took the cat into his hands, holding on the struggling cat. He didn't know what her problem was now a days. Probably after the stay with...Atsushi. His eyes looked down at the "For Sale" sign. Everytime he glanced at it, memories filled his mind and his insides twisted with disgust.
He looked over at Satsuki again, his eyes studying his face. "Heh...that's true. She doesn't need a leash, she's just crazy." He replied as he watched the other. He couldn't have been an adult...he was really fidgety. His eyes glanced down to his hands, watching him link them over and over again. He didn't know how to react, it was almost like meeting someone just like him...
"I'm Ryutaro." He blurted out, not knowing why the hell he doesn't to be an idiot and say his name. Something in the back of his mind told him to...damn voices.
Satsuki could immediately tell that this guy, Ryutaro, was lacking social skills- which was perfect, because so was he.
"I'm Satsuki."
A slow smile; Satsuki had a natural aversion to most people, but somehow, this guy wasn't one of them. Why? How strange.
"I live down the street."
Not that he'd asked, but it seemed appropriate. Something about this guy seemed to penetrate his clouded mind, give him the ability to talk to him. Maybe it was his appearance; after all, he looked so damn sad, and Satsuki had a soft spot for sad.
Seeing the smile gave Ryutaro a bit of relief. At least the other didn't think he was too forward or creepy...who knows, maybe he did but he was just being nice because that was the polite, normal thing to do. His lips curved weakly to return the smile.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Satsuki." He replied, giving him a nod. He would have extended out his hand to shake...despite the cat in his arms and Satsuki already being pretty occupied with his hands.
"Ahh, down the street? I live on this street too." Duh, stupid. "Well, obviously since my cat and...stuff." He trailed off, already feeling dumb. "But I've never seen you before, I should probably get out of the house most often, heh." His eyes couldn't help but stare at the other's arms, it was all so triggering.
Satsuki's eyes followed Ryutaro's, immediately disregarding the other man's words in favour of the staring. The horrid staring- they all did it, thought the same thing of those silly stupid ugly scars.
So sad, so crazy, so damn needy- but what did they know? He didn't make it their concern and therefore it wasn't.
Ten seconds was all it took for a flash of anger to hit him like lightning, dropping his arms behind his back and staring into Ryutaro's dark eyes. "What're you looking for, hm? Think I'm crazy?"
Of course he was.
But that was for him to deal with.
This one wasn't ashamed to going out in public with his wounds and scars exposed. Unless he totally forgot about it, which Ryutaro was guilty of doing rarely. As if Ryutaro didn't receive enough attention already, he wouldn't dare to go outside without his arms and legs covered. In an odd twisted way, he envied Satsuki.
Yet, the thought slid out of his mind when Satsuki obviously knew what he was doing, hiding his arms behind his back. Ryutaro looked over at Satsuki, his eyes widened slightly to the other's harsh tone. Crazy? Ryutaro had no room in the world to determine who was crazy, especially when he couldn't get a handle on himself.
"O-of course not!" He replied quickly. He swallowed hard, looking into Satsuki's eyes before dropping them to the asphalt. "...You're not alone." He muttered. He had never seen another self-abuser before. Never face to face.
Not alone?
It sounded like a plea for Satsuki not to hurt himself, on the outside; an obnoxious message in a self help book. He nearly lashed out a second time after staring for a long moment with his fingers tracing his scars one by one behind his back.
But through the fog in his mind, he figured it would be weird to say it so suddenly, not that he knew anything about what was socially acceptable...
And the guilty on the other's face said he wasn't preaching.
"Aha." It was hard to know how to react otherwise.
Aha?! Did the other not believe him? Maybe it was because he probably heard the same thing over and over again, since his scars were out in the wide open. Ryutaro guessed he thought he meant it in a way to tell him it wasn't right, not quite literally. His eyes stared down at the ground before his grip loosened on his cat, who leaped out of his arms and landed on the ground, looking quite annoyed.
Ryutaro's fingers grabbed his own long sleeve. What the hell are you doing?! He should probably just leave, go back into his house and forget he ever saw anything. But he was so sick of running away. Before he could think anymore, he pulled up his sleeve, exposing nearly healed wounds and dark scars to the other man.
Satsuki's eyes widened just slightly. How unexpected, to see the damage that was fading as if it weren't there in the first place, soon to be covered by time. As if time could heal insanity.
What to say, do, think? He was suddenly far too aware of the heat, the sunlight, and the fact that anyone could walk up and see them stare at them judge them, tell the whole damn city that they were both out of their fucking minds.
And so he just took Ryutaro's arm and pushed his sleeve back down. Not too gentle, but certainly not too harsh.
"Maybe we should go inside somewhere."
Ryutaro's cheeks burned with embarrassment. What an idiot!! He screamed at himself in his mind, nearly forgetting that they were outside, in public, anyone could see anything. Ryutaro just wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. It was like that everyday. He flinched as he felt Satsuki pull his sleeve down.
He nodded slightly, he couldn't agree with Satsuki any better. He leaned down to pick up Soubi who meowed in protest. He glanced at Satsuki for a moment before speaking. "We could go to my house..." He replied, since it was just right there and he had no idea which house Satsuki lived in. Without waiting for a reply, he walked past Satsuki and down the sidewalk towards his home. He usually never let anyone in his house but right now, he just didn't care.
Satsuki wasn't familiar with sympathy in this frame of mind, but he felt it for the guy. So self conscious, as if Satsuki gave a shit about what he did. Really, anything to distract him was enough, and he was more than grateful to follow Ryutaro to his house- new, foreign territory. A distraction from himself.
...Sort of.
Catching up with Ryutaro, the blonde peered at him, trying to catch any recognizable emotion. Unreadable people- frustrating, but the most interesting to be around.
"Don't be so damn embarassed." After all, Satsuki could argue that he might be the more fucked up of the two.
Ryutaro was surprised that the other man decided to follow. He was sure the other would have just looked at him weird and just went back home. Yet, he was the one to decide that they would go somewhere where they didn't look like fucking psychos. Soubi squirmed in his arms as he walked up the pathway of his home.
He rose an eyebrow at the other's statement. Was it really that obvious. He swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry and tense. He didn't respond as he opened his front door, walking in. He set the cat down and turned on some lights for the first time. "I'm sorry I don't flaunt them." He said as he took off his shoes, watching Satsuki closely.
Sorry?
"That's not what I mean." Satsuki grinned, folding his arms and leaning against the wall, examining Ryutaro's house as he spoke. "I usually don't, either. It's just too fucking hot for me to care today, and I can't stay inside. Cabin fever."
A small shrug.
"My boss makes me wear long sleeves every time I go to work." And most of the time, he did it on his own, even though that tended to call as much attention as the scars themselves.
Ryutaro stared at the grinning boy before he retreated to the kitchen, motioning the other to follow him. "I see...I wish I was as courageous as you." He mumbled as he opened the refridgerator, taking out a canned soda. He handed one to Satsuki, not really asking if he wanted one or not. He could just tell since it was a burning abyss outdoors.
"I'm surprised someone actually hired you." He said softly, popping the soda tab open. "They must be pretty considerate." He said as he leaned against his counter. "How old are you anyways...?" He asked. He wasn't sure whether or not it was another one of those teenagers that hurt themselves for attention. Oh how he hated that, but, Ryutaro had a feeling that Satsuki was beyond that.
"21." Too old to live, too young to die. Everything became real once he'd hit 20, too much to live with. Really, he wanted to learn to block everything from his memory, but if he didn't hurt he'd just become a useless corporate zombie like everyone else.
And the thought was more disgusting than his life itself.
"Eh, just a part time job, they'll hire anyone. Yeah, how old are you? Do you work?" He had to; after all, he lived on his own and most people who felt the need to slit their wrists didn't exactly have a loving, supportive family.
Oh fuck. Satsuki was much older than Ryutaro had thought. Just two years younger. His view on the other man changed, knowing it was much more than a cry for help...This had to be interesting. Ryutaro wished he was back into his early childhood that was stopped oh-so short. Back to the time when he didn't care, nothing worried him. Now the load was a billion times worse and he was scared he must just got out of control.
Ryutaro took a sip of his drink before answering Satsuki's questions. "I'm twenty-three...and I do work but I'm not having too much luck with it." Still no calls. He might have to just go out there and find another job. Yet, the thought made his stomach flip. "No one would hire me, I'm not good with people."
"Heh." Satsuki finally popped the tab on his soda, enjoying the fizzy sound much more than he really should have. "Mmmm... what is it you're trying to do?"
Maybe he should get the guy a job at Graycie's. Abuse his power over the manager a bit. He had no idea why the guy bended so easily for him. Maybe he was scared of him. Wouldn't be all that surprising, really... everyone was scared of Satsuki.
"Places will hire you as long as you show up and act polite. Nobody can tell how anyone really is in an interview. It's easy to bullshit your way through them... and since nobody wants a job in this stupid city, they won't fire you 'cause they need you."
It was ridiculous, in all honesty. Satsuki wished he had the power to fire people just to make some of the idiots at his job go home crying.
"I watch people for a living...people, usually of big corporate companies, pay me to watch, note and take pictures of someone's every move." He answered. Satsuki didn't seem like the type of person to run around blabbing about his life so there was nothing Ryutaro should be too worried about.
Ryutaro listened to the other man, nodding his head. It was true. Akachou was a pretty boring city despite all the shit that went on and the famous people that lived here. It was a place to get away from the craziness when just as much was going on. "Hmm. I suppose that's true. I might go out there and try...I don't know." He said with a shrug, swallowing down his drink.
Ryutaro would wish to rather stay inside, he liked the fact of having no schedule...plus he would have no problem seeing Zull. He couldn't see himself standing as a cashier or doing anything remotely close to that.
Satsuki's interest climbed significantly. He watched people? He made his money being a stalker?
How interesting.
Cool.
The blonde had never heard of such a thing.
"You watch people, eh?" He was seriously curious, not just feigning interest for the sake of being polite. In his mind, Ryutaro had just become the most interesting person in the entire city- especially if he was sneaky enough to spy on rich corporate shits without getting caught.
In a sense, he was a little jealous, being a department store worker and a student. Didn't get more mundane than that.
Ryutaro watched Satsuki's reaction and he couldn't help but smirk. Whenever he did tell people his profession, which was rarely, he usually got an awkward or negative response. Yet, this person was far from different. He nodded, running his fingers through his hair. "I suppose it is alright...besides being lonely and constantly lying. Other than that, the rush of excitement is relieving." He said.
He ran his tongue over his lips as he stared into space, thinking. "Well, I've done more than that though." The phrase that refused to stay in his mind slipped out. Don't even fucking go there, Ryutaro. He took another sip of his drink before setting it on the counter. He pulled himself up so he was sitting on the tile. He wondered what else Satsuki had to hide...he knew a self-abuser didn't cut just for the hell of it. There was always a story behind it.
"Mmm... cool..." It sounded like the perfect job for Satsuki, who preferred being lonely alone and lying. Too bad he'd already chosen his path...
And what a bright one it was.
Not.
"Other stuff? Other jobs?" If anything was as interesting as that, Satsuki would've been more than happy to hear it. Ryutaro was turning about to be... fascinating. From five minutes of talking to him, at least...
Then again, everyone had a story, and he was just short of positive that the only reason the other was sharing his was because he'd seen Satsuki's scars. What a fucked up common ground, sitting around hacking up one's skin.
Ryutaro opened his mouth to speak but closed it, thinking. No. He couldn't say one word about what had happened. He didn't even know the man and he had already said way too much. Yet Satsuki did find his profession cool, sliced himself up, didn't seem like your average neighbor...someone quite similar like Ryutaro.
What if he snitches and tells the police? Well, one person already knew of his actions and the police were not roaming his house anytime soon, that including trying to kill the man. It wouldn't hurt to tell one more person...right? Even if Satsuki threatened to tell...Ryutaro would make sure that he wouldn't tell a soul.
"You know the kid...the student that went missing for a month?" He started, his eyes glued to Satsuki. You already started, now you have to finish. "It was me...I was the one who kidnapped him." He said lowly as if someone else was in the house.
Satsuki's eyebrows shot up behind his bangs. He was clearly truly shocked, almost creeped out simply because he'd spent so many hours watching the news, half paying attention to the news about a kid named Yuzuru who had gone missing, and he'd been so close by...
How bizarre.
He had no idea how to respond. He wouldn't tell the police, of course- he hated them. But really, what did one do after hearing a kidnapping confession?
"...Why?"
He did his best to appear nonconfrontational, strictly curious- which he was. So many things made a person kidnap another person; money, hate, love... maybe he'd been hired to kidnap some rich guy's son.
That would be cool.
His eyes scanned the room. He hadn't seen the follow up story to the kid's disappearance... and really had no idea what had happened to him, a thought which made him a little nervous- but just a little.
Ryutaro winced at the other's response. Big mistake. Ryutaro began to grow slightly uncomfortable, shifting from where he was at. His eyes dropped to the kitchen floor, his long fingers running through his dark strands.
"Why?" He repeated as he continued to stare intensely at the floor as if something entertaining was down there. What was the exact reason why he had kidnapped Zull? Because he liked him? No, it was much more than that. He even told Zull he would figure out the reason why he was here, coming up with that excuse because he didn't even know himself.
Remembering that night was foggy, he could only remember bits and pieces of it...grabbing, struggling, tying up...it was like someone deep inside Ryutaro took over his mind for that night and did something absolutely out of Ryutaro's boundaries.
"I...don't know." He breathed. "I did it...just because. I honestly cannot tell you why." He said looking up slowly over at Satsuki who seemed to be anxiously looking around. "He's gone." He added, a bit louder. "He went back to his precious, normal life."
Satsuki was even more surprised that it had been a personal decision. After all, kidnapping was so risky... so easy to get caught if done poorly.
...back to his normal life?
And Ryutaro wasn't in jail?
Satsuki had heard of Stockholm Syndrome, a bizarre phenomenon that seemed to occur in situations like that, which meant that they must have...
"Hm. Well..."
It was impossible to know what to say after such a confession from a stranger.
"...Well done, I guess. For not getting caught, and for... letting him go..."
He felt a bit self conscious for the first time in three days.
Ryutaro didn't expect much from the other man...he had just released one of his sacred secrets to someone he never seen in his life. Just because. Ryutaro bit his lip, he could feel the thick tension in the air, knowing it was all his fault. His stomach turned with nervousness. Maybe it was a bad idea to invite the man over. Yet, he rose an eyebrow as he heard Satsuki. Well done? Maybe the other man was actually into stuff like that...who knows.
"Uh...thanks." He said, nodding his head, biting down on the inside of his cheek before he inhaled, speaking again. "Well, enough about me. It seems like I'm spilling out my life story." He chuckled awkwardly. "But, uh, tell me about yourself...if you don't mind. You seem like you're hiding something." He replied with a small smirk.
"Hm."
What was there to tell? Satsuki's life was a horror novel, one he never felt like dictating simply because he didn't enjoy thinking about it. He had no major secrets, did nothing majorly nasty except refuse to take his medicine, but he doubted a kidnapper would find that very interesting.
"I'm really not all that interesting. What is it you think I'm hiding?"
Aside from secrets that would need to remain secrets, of course; after all, they were completely irrelevant to the present.
That was hard to believe. This guy thought it was cool that he was a stalker and that he kidnapped someone. Honestly, he had been one of the most interesting people he had met in Akachou and being the way he is...he couldn't help but prob. His eyes dropped down to Satsuki's arms, causing his heart to race again. All he wanted to do was grab his special knife in the drawer and just slice himself apart, scratch that unbearable itch.
"How come you do..." He pointed to his arms. "That." Yet, knowing Ryutaro's luck, he just might get that answer that didn't explain anything. Because I like it. Ryutaro had no right to criticize anyone for that answer because he would have said the same thing. Knowing it was true.
Why, indeed?
Satsuki had half predicted Ryutaro would ask eventually. After all, knowing someone sliced themselves up was not nearly as interesting as knowing why, and it was human nature to wonder.
"Because I am sick." Not very descriptive, but certainly the truth. "And I refuse to get better."
He had far too much fun being cryptic, but answering such a question in plain, clinical terms would seem too easy, as if his disease were just another factor in his life rather than the thing that controlled it.
Ryutaro listened to Satsuki and gave him a nod. Understandable. Ryutaro was never diagnosed with any kind of personality disorder...besides the fact he would never go to the doctor's office. Even though his problems had gotten the best of him, he wasn't able to escape them. He couldn't imagine himself being "normal". Doing normal things, thinking normal.
"I see..." He said softly before taking a deep breath. "Just seeing that makes me want to...ugh." He mumbled, dropping his eyes down to the floor again, rubbing his covered arms. "It's been more than a month for me...I made a promise to someone but, everyday is getting harder and harder." He breathed, shutting his eyes. "You know that feeling...like someone is in your mind pushing you closer and closer, you just have to feel something."
Satsuki nodded; he knew, of course. Could relate to every little thing the other man was saying, only he couldn't imagine going for a month because he'd given his word to someone. In his mind, nobody was a real friend if they took away someone's ideal relief.
"So do it." A shrug. "Promises are just words." And words may have meant something at one point, but they didn't anymore. They were overused, meaningless; people said things they didn't mean and meant things they didn't say. It was just a fact. "Besides, the way you dress, nobody will ever even know."
Ryutaro's eyes found their way back to Satsuki. Promises are just words? Ryutaro began to think about that one...it was his first time making a promise to anyone remotely important to him so he wouldn't know. Zull would find out...if they ever...He would hate him if he broke his promise but...goddamnit.
He nodded slowly. "I suppose so..." He replied. Maybe they would heal by the time he saw Zull again. Ryutaro was almost to the point where he just did care. He needed to. He let out a low sigh, leaning his head against the wall. "I'm...I'm sorry if I am talking too much." Why was he apologizing? Ryutaro wasn't used to doing all the talking, especially about things he kept deep inside for so long.
Satsuki just shrugged. "Don't apologize. If you want to talk then talk."
He enjoyed certain aspects of this state of mind, not giving a shit what anyone else thought or did. Really, he was glad for the distraction, and Ryutaro was... an interesting guy, to say the least. Satsuki had a soft spot for anyone mentally unstable, like that... writer.
He sighed, peering around Ryutaro's living room once more. He rarely went to other people's houses and had completely forgotten how to act in such a situation. Polite, of course, but... manners came rarely to people like Satsuki.
"So, how long have you lived in this city?"
Ryutaro was somewhat happy that the other was actually tolerating him and not finding any excuses to get the hell out of Ryutaro's presence. A little hope lingered in his mind, maybe he could possibly have a real friend, someone just like him. Maybe.
Ryutaro watched Satsuki look around, not minding too much. It wasn't like he had anything interesting in his home. "Ahh...about 4 years." He said. Was it really that long? Most of it spent in his home or watching anyone. Yet, this seemed to be the year where he was beginning to find out more interesting things.
"What about you?"
"Mmm, about a year. I moved here to get my own place while I'm at the university nearby." Why that university when there were so many others that wouldn't require being near such a shitty city.
It seemed it had just ended up that way.
"I plan to leave as soon as I graduate." And get a good job, of course- he had no intention of being stuck in Akachou, couldn't decide if he didn't fit in at all or fit in all too well. It was strange and insane, and yet... so shallow.
University? "So, you're a student? That's cool..what do you major in?" He asked. He remember when he had graduated highschool and his parents wanted him to go to college. Ryutaro was so sick of it all, the people, the stupid theories they tried to teach him. So, he just picked up and left.
"There's not much here in Akachou, so, moving out will probably be nice...I've thought about it but, I don't know." He shrugged. There was always the anxiety in the back of his mind, causing Ryutaro to ask 'What If...' to anything. Maybe he would move out whenever he had a handle on things. Which wouldn't be anytime soon.
"Yeah." A small shrug. "I major in European history..." Though what would he do with it? Become a teacher?
...For the sake of all things sane, he hoped not. He couldn't handle such an underpaid, overstressed job where his success depended on complete and utter idiots.
"This city is the fakest pile of shit I've ever set foot in."
And it was true; it was the epitome of artificial, so many plain people with awful awful secrets. The population itself would probably bring on something tragic that Satsuki did not care to be a part of.
"European history? That's...interesting." He said. Ryutaro really wasn't the one for history. Whatever happened in the past, happened. There was no need to bring it all up...he personally thought it was a waste of time. Maybe it was just something to keep the other's mind off of other "stuff".
He rose an eyebrow at the other's last statement. He nodded slowly. He had met and seen people who put out such a fake guise and once they were by themselves, be a totally different person. It was a shame, living a lie. "Mm, yeah...Sometimes, I get this feeling that something absolutely horrible will happen. Like an outbreak or something like that." He shrugged. "But I can't see to get out of here."
Satsuki laughed harshly, almost coldly. "The way people are treated here, I'd not be surprised if a serial killer appeared and took out the whole city."
And what a shame that would be.
Only not.
He'd gladly give up his own life for the demise of this city- except once he was gone and it didn't matter anymore.
"Or maybe just the really rich people..."
Them with their sickeningly large houses and unnecessary toys. Made Satsuki sick every time he saw it.
Ryutaro had to admit, he was jealous of some of the rich people. Watching them walking into their luxurious mansions, breaking into their huge houses and seeing all sorts of expensive things all over the place. He knew most of them didn't deserve it, gaining their riches by threatening others and more.
His ears perked up at the serial killer comment and his eyes watched Satsuki. Ryutaro wouldn't have doubted that Satsuki was treated badly...he knew people like himself would never get treated with much respect. Especially by the way they acted, dressed, looked...He opened his mouth without thinking and asked the curious question.
"...Would you ever kill them?"
Would he?
As much as he wished death on others, Satsuki didn't know if he had it in him to kill, no matter how angry he got. There was something so... intimate about taking a person's life, something that left a mark on a person forever...
Only the truly insane became murderers. Complete sociopaths.
"I don't know," he admitted softly. The actual act of murder...
It just didn't feel possible for him.
"Probably not." He bit his lip. "Would you?" If he could kidnap... well, that was just a step away.
Ryutaro swallowed hard at the question as he thought. He didn't know what to think anymore...knowing he had been the reason why there was a 'For Sale' sign next door. Just thinking about that incident made his stomach twist and turn. The way his mind completely snap and moments later, he found his own fingers around someone's neck. It was something that was completely out of his personality. Before any of that happened, he would have said no.
What if it happened again? What if his mind just went beyond what he really was and he just completely snapped. The thought scared him and he slowly shook his head. "I'm not sure..."
Not sure?
Maybe he was thinking of what he had done... or maybe he actually had killed someone in the past and was guilty for it. A fascinating thought, really.
"You don't look like a killer to me."
It was mostly true; Ryutaro seemed too timid to be vicious, but then again... people often hid the way they really were. Especially people who were unstabled.
Somehow, though, Satsuki didn't find himself at all concerned for his own safety.
Ryutaro chuckled lightly at Satsuki's response. "Thank you, I guess." He supposed it was better than he didn't look like the type to kill. He didn't want to make the other uncomfortable.
"You don't seem like the type to kill but, I've only known you for a little bit of time. Anyone could do anything." He replied, running his fingers through his hair. "But, I suppose most people have their reasons to do such things. So, I guess if you killed someone and had a good reason, I couldn't hate you." Yet then again, there were people that killed out of the blue...but, Ryutaro decided there shouldn't be anything to worry about.
Satsuki's grin returned. Ryutaro, he decided, was definitely smart... twisted, but a smart guy. And those were the best kind to be around.
"Yeah, some people deserve to die."
A shrug.
"I just can't be assed."
And it was true; while he wanted to kill those awful awful people every time he saw them- bullies and abusers and guys who didn't understand no, he calmly stood back and waited for them to find their own downfall. It was... sort of disgusting, really, but he couldn't change the fact that he was a bit lazy in some respects.
Seeing Satsuki's grin was relieving. Ryutaro knew they were going to get along great. Finally, someone he could confine in when he just needed to talk...plus it was always nice to share sick ideas or thoughts with someone who knew actually what he was talking about without getting scared.
"Hah, that's understandable. You see someone to deserves all the worst in the world but then you wonder if it is worth it to go through all that trouble." He replied. He bit his lip for a moment before continuing. "You're a really interesting person, I hope you know that."
"Am I?" Satsuki's grin didn't fade. Hearing it from Ryutaro was actually pretty flattering, considering how fascinated he was becoming with the guy. "As are you. Far more interesting than myself, I daresay..."
Then again, everyone considered themselves boring. After all, there was never an escape from it. His opinions, mannerisms...
He didn't even notice them, so maybe Ryutaro was the same way.
"I live just down the street. 1043. You're welcome to come by any time." Except when he was in one of those awful depressive states, but Satsuki never answered the door in those.
Ryutaro nodded and he could feel his own lips curve into a similar smile. Him? More interesting? He wasn't sure whether or not that was a good thing...being a stalker and now a kidnapper. Ryutaro just thought he was just fucked up individual but to hear he was interesting made him a bit happy.
"Thank you." He said softly, surprised that the other gave his address. Finally. Someone he could spend time with other than trapped in his own home. A possible friend. "I'll keep that in mind. Same here, you can come over whenever, I'm usually home most of the time." He added.
Satsuki smiled, a real smile, not the sort of sadistic one he'd been wearing for a good part of their conversation. "Awesome."
Would he visit?
Maybe.
After all, Ryutaro was pretty damn cool- and as much he tried to be independent, he could use a friend who wouldn't judge him.
"I'd better go, I guess. Shit to do." A sigh; he'd planned to clean up a bit, maybe actually... go out. Once he was feeling better, anyway. He was damn near out of food, would starve to death if he didn't gain some motivation.
Ryutaro nearly forgot that he was taking up a lot of Satsuki's time. He didn't know how much passed by but the other had something clearly to do, especially if he was outside. He nodded. "Ah, okay~ Same here." He said. Maybe he would reorganize his house again. Find something else to do, who knows.
Ryutaro began to walk over to the front door, opening it for Satsuki. "Well, it was nice meeting and talking to you, Satsuki. I'm sure we'll see each other again." He said with hope in his voice.
"We will." Satsuki nodded as if reassuring Ryutaro, though he didn't know why he should feel he needed to. After all, it wasn't as if Ryutaro depended heavily on seeing him again. "Soon."
Hopefully.
He felt almost happy, which was both weird and nice. "1043. Don't forget."
He waved before turning to leave, somehow feeling much more motivated to get through the rest of the day.