a sad sad day...
I just lost a huge support group of women..that i thought were all my friends. well apparently i'm an ungreatful bitch who has no respect for anyone or their kindness and likes to yell as other peoples children. Why can't people just be upfront and honest with me? if they've got a problem please tell me before it causes you to hate me. i've learned my lesson again for the last time.. i absoloutly WILL NOT ever open myself up that way again. it really hurts when a group of people you went through a life changing event with decide that they don't like you, hate your husband and want to break all contact off with you. i've been so fucking distraught over this the past 18 hours that i can't eat and i was up late because i had a hard time going to sleep.
I guess i just wasn't meant to have that kind of connection with anyone else. i tried..i truly tried..but the age gap and alot of other shit probably religion as well had a big part to do with it. ON a HUGE level i blame Eric. I feel as if i might have had a chance if he weren't there but too late. it's done and over with. I have this HUGE gaping hole in my heart. it just really really hurts.. i've not felt this broken in 6 years. it hurts. i feel helpless, useless.
I really hate people that are so two faced. that they can't come right up to me and complain..that a week's time has to pass and they stew and bitch over the small quabbles so much that they end up making mountains over mole hills. Please tell me what the hell i did to deserve this? i'll make sure to never do it again.
The first thing i'm doing in 20 mins is ripping eric a new asshole for his behaviour over the weekend..he can deny it all he wants but if i'm getting shit from 3 diffrent men about the same shit..well there has to be truth right? because why would a complete stranger lie about another one? I was complained about. that i'm a lazy bitch that lays around all day, not lifting a finger to help around the house, wont get a job and that i'm a stingy bitch because i watch our money like a hawk. excuse me.. why don't you tell me how you really fucking feel ERIC!
Some days i think that man puoposely causes shit for me so that i have to depend on him., and no one else. he's lied to me so many times, talked shit about me so many times.. i'm about ready to give up on everything.
Someone tell me where i went wrong so that i can learn from my mistakes.