Incidentally...Pile 'Em On...Beer vs Warm Milk...New Year's Resolutions Are Stupid...
Incidentally after that last post, where I was so proud of myself, I had some problems. Had to exorcise my demons. Brought them to a head and just fought the crap out of them. It left me pretty exhausted and feeling very catatonic. Kid showed up to take care of me, and while I hated her seeing it, she was insanely helpful.
A week or so after that I had a series of panic attacks in a rather public setting that left me very drained and embarrassed. Same catatonic reaction, but instead of a forced battle this was four or five panic attacks in a row.
On New Years Eve I cancelled all plans because I felt panic attacks building and basically shut myself away in my parents house alone. The dog was very worried about me and kept trying to comfort me when I was at the worst, but he was scared. I scared him really bad when I smashed a pill bottle. He's still a bit weary of me at times. That hurts me more than anything. That night I had four panic attacks.
The important part is that I talked to NagiYomi about what's been in my head and most importantly none of the attacks or the exorcism resulted in physical damage. Since these though I have been pretty manic.
Now I made the mistake of trying to go to sleep before I'm ready. The thoughts get in my head at night, alone and quiet as it is. I know a beer could fix it (oh what I'd give for whiskey) but of course that's not acceptable. People will jump at the chance to offer warm milk or sleeping pills, but heaven forbid you have a nip to go to sleep. Oh well.
I'm definately not making any New Year's Resolutions, but there are some things I want to work on. We'll see how it goes.
A week or so after that I had a series of panic attacks in a rather public setting that left me very drained and embarrassed. Same catatonic reaction, but instead of a forced battle this was four or five panic attacks in a row.
On New Years Eve I cancelled all plans because I felt panic attacks building and basically shut myself away in my parents house alone. The dog was very worried about me and kept trying to comfort me when I was at the worst, but he was scared. I scared him really bad when I smashed a pill bottle. He's still a bit weary of me at times. That hurts me more than anything. That night I had four panic attacks.
The important part is that I talked to NagiYomi about what's been in my head and most importantly none of the attacks or the exorcism resulted in physical damage. Since these though I have been pretty manic.
Now I made the mistake of trying to go to sleep before I'm ready. The thoughts get in my head at night, alone and quiet as it is. I know a beer could fix it (oh what I'd give for whiskey) but of course that's not acceptable. People will jump at the chance to offer warm milk or sleeping pills, but heaven forbid you have a nip to go to sleep. Oh well.
I'm definately not making any New Year's Resolutions, but there are some things I want to work on. We'll see how it goes.