The List
Title: The List
Author: maji_nekochan
Characters: USA, Switzerland, Poland, Lichtenstein, Prussia, Estonia, Latvia, Sealand, Finland, and Sweden
Rating: E for Everyone :)
Warnings: Human names (don't worry I included a cheat sheet at the end), Switzerland being Switzerland, and a badly dubbed Kung Fu movie.
Summary: On Myspace there's a "World Domination" game, where you slowly take over the world by building up your army and conquer nations. (how else would you take over the world?) Out of boredom curiosity i went through and copied down the nations by defense. Then I got wondering how the Hetalia nations would react to how they were ranked, this fic is what resulted. How do you think your favorite nation would react?
AND i'm reposting it in my own journal for thouse of you who missed it in the Hetalia comm.
Here's the list if you're interested: http://maji-nekochan.livejournal.com/24360.html
Alfred F. Jones was sitting in his office with his feet up on his desk enjoying some funny videos and a hamburger.
“What the Hell is this?” Vash said, bursting into the room and throwing some papers down in Alfred’s lap.
“Some paper?” Alfred replied.
“You know what I mean!” Alfred looked down at the papers, recognizing the list he’d sent to all the nations.
“It’s a list of nations organized by their defensive rating.” Alfred explained.
“And who determined this ‘defensive rating’?”
“Some of the smartest scientists…from my country.” Alfred admitted, although he mumbled the last bit. Vash heard him anyways.
“Of course they are. That’s why you’re number one. I’m forty-one. POLAND is higher ranked then I am! What is Feliks going to do if he’s invaded? Do their hair?” Vash was getting really worked up. “I mean, I have guns and I know how to use them. Did these people even look at our armories?”
“I’m sure they did their research.”
“Lili is out there crying because she’s number 220 and even Seychelles is ranked higher. Lili has been trying to become stronger. This is a major blow to her self-esteem. Give me one good reason I shouldn’t blow a hole in your chest.” Vash swung his rifle around and pointed it at Alfred.
“Calm down, Vash. I didn’t make the list.”
“Yeah, but you distributed it to everyone.”
“I meant it as a laugh. I didn’t think anyone would take it seriously.” Slowly, Vash lowered his weapon.
“Do any other nations have a problem with the list?” Alfred asked him.
“I don’t know.” Vash answered.
“Well, let’s go find out.” Alfred said as he stood up and pulled Vash with him out the door. Their first stop was the TV lounge just down the hall. As they walked in they heard the unmistakable sounds of Gilbert’s laughter. He was watching a badly dubbed Kung Fu movie.
“Gilbert, have you seen the list that Alfred emailed everyone this morning?” Vash asked, hoping to be vindicated.
“Yeah,” Gilbert responded, eyes not leaving the screen.
“I’d have thought you’d be upset by it. You’re not even on the list.”
“No list can contain the awesomeness that is Prussia.” Gilbert replied.
“See, you’re the only one with a stick up his ass about this.” Alfred shot at Vash.
“Don’t go making assumptions yet, we haven’t asked everyone. Come on.” This time Vash pulled Alfred out the door, leaving Gilbert to his movie.
As they continued down the hall, the sound of typing and Baltic mumbling met their ears. Seeing as it was coming from the office marked Estonia, Alfred popped his head in and asked, “Hey Eduard, what’s up?”
“I’m trying to figure out the formula they used to create this list.” Eduard answered.
“See I told you there had to be another person upset by this.” Vash quipped at Alfred before asking Eduard, “What’s your problem with it?”
“I’m wondering how Raivis got ranked higher then me. The poor guy wouldn’t know what to do if he was invaded.”
“You do know it was all in fun, right?” Alfred asked.
“Oh yes, it’s a very interesting puzzle is all, a challenge.” Eduard said.
“See I told you.” Alfred teased Vash before pulling him out of the office, “I’m hungry. Let’s go down to the canteen.”
“Fine.” Vash said resigned, he’d grown used to Alfred’s bottomless stomach. Fairly quickly they made it down to the canteen. Alfred loaded up his tray with one of just about everything. Vash even grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of water, not wanting to be sitting there awkwardly while Alfred inhaled his food. As they were sitting down, Vash noticed that there was some scandal happening at the Nordic table. An annoyed looking Tino was explaining something to a perplexed looking Peter. Berwald had apparently noticed their entrance and was heading toward their table.
“Heads up.” Vash said, inclining his head toward the approaching Nordic nation.
“Hmm.” Alfred mumbled around a mouthful of food. Seeing Vash’s gesture, Alfred looked over his shoulder, and had to look up to see Berwald. “What’s up?”
“Peter got hold of a copy of your list. The poor boy almost had an apoplexy trying to find Sealand on it.” Alfred had the decency to look ashamed at hearing this, Berwald continued, “Tino’s explaining that because he’s under my protection, Sealand is considered part of Sweden. Peter’s having a hard time wrapping his head around that."
“Well, I’m sorry. It was just meant as a laugh; I had no idea that it would affect the younger nations like this.” Alfred apologized.
“Thanks. I’m just dreading the day he finds out about the Cocos (Keeling) Islands.” Berwald said, sitting in a spare chair.
Suddenly from across the room came Peter’s distinctive voice, “Papa, Who’s Svalbard? Tino says he belongs to Norway, so why is he on the list?”
Berwald groaned, “That’s another conversation I was hoping to avoid.” He got up and walked back to the other Nordics. Alfred and Vash shared a conspiratorial look before Alfred went back to shoveling food into his mouth.
END
NOTE:
Here’s a quick chart for you people who don’t know all the human names, in order of appearance:
Alfred - USA
Vash - Switzerland
Feliks - Poland
Lili - Lichtenstein
Gilbert - Prussia
Eduard - Estonia
Raivis - Latvia
Tino - Finland
Peter - Sealand
Berwald - Sweden
Cocos (Keeling) Islands - a micronation that gained nation status. You can imagine why Sweden wouldn’t want Sealand to know. (#235 on the list)
Svalbard - an archipelago in the Artic Ocean that belongs to Norway. In my head-canon, Svalbard is the love child of Norway and Russia. Don’t look at me that way, let me explain. Almost half of the population is Russian and some areas speak Russian rather then Norwegian. (#230 on the list)
Author: maji_nekochan
Characters: USA, Switzerland, Poland, Lichtenstein, Prussia, Estonia, Latvia, Sealand, Finland, and Sweden
Rating: E for Everyone :)
Warnings: Human names (don't worry I included a cheat sheet at the end), Switzerland being Switzerland, and a badly dubbed Kung Fu movie.
Summary: On Myspace there's a "World Domination" game, where you slowly take over the world by building up your army and conquer nations. (how else would you take over the world?) Out of boredom curiosity i went through and copied down the nations by defense. Then I got wondering how the Hetalia nations would react to how they were ranked, this fic is what resulted. How do you think your favorite nation would react?
AND i'm reposting it in my own journal for thouse of you who missed it in the Hetalia comm.
Here's the list if you're interested: http://maji-nekochan.livejournal.com/24360.html
Alfred F. Jones was sitting in his office with his feet up on his desk enjoying some funny videos and a hamburger.
“What the Hell is this?” Vash said, bursting into the room and throwing some papers down in Alfred’s lap.
“Some paper?” Alfred replied.
“You know what I mean!” Alfred looked down at the papers, recognizing the list he’d sent to all the nations.
“It’s a list of nations organized by their defensive rating.” Alfred explained.
“And who determined this ‘defensive rating’?”
“Some of the smartest scientists…from my country.” Alfred admitted, although he mumbled the last bit. Vash heard him anyways.
“Of course they are. That’s why you’re number one. I’m forty-one. POLAND is higher ranked then I am! What is Feliks going to do if he’s invaded? Do their hair?” Vash was getting really worked up. “I mean, I have guns and I know how to use them. Did these people even look at our armories?”
“I’m sure they did their research.”
“Lili is out there crying because she’s number 220 and even Seychelles is ranked higher. Lili has been trying to become stronger. This is a major blow to her self-esteem. Give me one good reason I shouldn’t blow a hole in your chest.” Vash swung his rifle around and pointed it at Alfred.
“Calm down, Vash. I didn’t make the list.”
“Yeah, but you distributed it to everyone.”
“I meant it as a laugh. I didn’t think anyone would take it seriously.” Slowly, Vash lowered his weapon.
“Do any other nations have a problem with the list?” Alfred asked him.
“I don’t know.” Vash answered.
“Well, let’s go find out.” Alfred said as he stood up and pulled Vash with him out the door. Their first stop was the TV lounge just down the hall. As they walked in they heard the unmistakable sounds of Gilbert’s laughter. He was watching a badly dubbed Kung Fu movie.
“Gilbert, have you seen the list that Alfred emailed everyone this morning?” Vash asked, hoping to be vindicated.
“Yeah,” Gilbert responded, eyes not leaving the screen.
“I’d have thought you’d be upset by it. You’re not even on the list.”
“No list can contain the awesomeness that is Prussia.” Gilbert replied.
“See, you’re the only one with a stick up his ass about this.” Alfred shot at Vash.
“Don’t go making assumptions yet, we haven’t asked everyone. Come on.” This time Vash pulled Alfred out the door, leaving Gilbert to his movie.
As they continued down the hall, the sound of typing and Baltic mumbling met their ears. Seeing as it was coming from the office marked Estonia, Alfred popped his head in and asked, “Hey Eduard, what’s up?”
“I’m trying to figure out the formula they used to create this list.” Eduard answered.
“See I told you there had to be another person upset by this.” Vash quipped at Alfred before asking Eduard, “What’s your problem with it?”
“I’m wondering how Raivis got ranked higher then me. The poor guy wouldn’t know what to do if he was invaded.”
“You do know it was all in fun, right?” Alfred asked.
“Oh yes, it’s a very interesting puzzle is all, a challenge.” Eduard said.
“See I told you.” Alfred teased Vash before pulling him out of the office, “I’m hungry. Let’s go down to the canteen.”
“Fine.” Vash said resigned, he’d grown used to Alfred’s bottomless stomach. Fairly quickly they made it down to the canteen. Alfred loaded up his tray with one of just about everything. Vash even grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of water, not wanting to be sitting there awkwardly while Alfred inhaled his food. As they were sitting down, Vash noticed that there was some scandal happening at the Nordic table. An annoyed looking Tino was explaining something to a perplexed looking Peter. Berwald had apparently noticed their entrance and was heading toward their table.
“Heads up.” Vash said, inclining his head toward the approaching Nordic nation.
“Hmm.” Alfred mumbled around a mouthful of food. Seeing Vash’s gesture, Alfred looked over his shoulder, and had to look up to see Berwald. “What’s up?”
“Peter got hold of a copy of your list. The poor boy almost had an apoplexy trying to find Sealand on it.” Alfred had the decency to look ashamed at hearing this, Berwald continued, “Tino’s explaining that because he’s under my protection, Sealand is considered part of Sweden. Peter’s having a hard time wrapping his head around that."
“Well, I’m sorry. It was just meant as a laugh; I had no idea that it would affect the younger nations like this.” Alfred apologized.
“Thanks. I’m just dreading the day he finds out about the Cocos (Keeling) Islands.” Berwald said, sitting in a spare chair.
Suddenly from across the room came Peter’s distinctive voice, “Papa, Who’s Svalbard? Tino says he belongs to Norway, so why is he on the list?”
Berwald groaned, “That’s another conversation I was hoping to avoid.” He got up and walked back to the other Nordics. Alfred and Vash shared a conspiratorial look before Alfred went back to shoveling food into his mouth.
END
NOTE:
Here’s a quick chart for you people who don’t know all the human names, in order of appearance:
Alfred - USA
Vash - Switzerland
Feliks - Poland
Lili - Lichtenstein
Gilbert - Prussia
Eduard - Estonia
Raivis - Latvia
Tino - Finland
Peter - Sealand
Berwald - Sweden
Cocos (Keeling) Islands - a micronation that gained nation status. You can imagine why Sweden wouldn’t want Sealand to know. (#235 on the list)
Svalbard - an archipelago in the Artic Ocean that belongs to Norway. In my head-canon, Svalbard is the love child of Norway and Russia. Don’t look at me that way, let me explain. Almost half of the population is Russian and some areas speak Russian rather then Norwegian. (#230 on the list)