Zenith Chapter Four - Close Call
QUESTION - Okay so for the sake of my story I need to know if anyone had any insight into this question: Does Leah know about the werewolves before she becomes one?
I kind of got that impression from the conversation Jacob and Bella have in Eclipse about Sam and Emily, but then I thought that Sam wouldn't tell someone if he could help it. So maybe I'm missing something from one of the books where it clarifies this?
Title: Zenith
Author: Majesta Moniet
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Edward/Bella/Jacob
Summary: At a pivotal moment in New Moon, a simple choice alters the course of Bella's future, and she is forced to endure several more weeks before Edward's eventual return to Forks. Victoria, a pack of young werewolves, and the blossoming of an undeniable bond become the least of Bella's concerns as she undergoes her own supernatural transformation. It turns out vampires and werewolves aren’t the only things that go bump in the night.
Beautiful banner by placeofthunder
Gorgeous banner by ysar
Zenith
Chapter Four - Close Call
Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight or profit from the use of its content. Stephanie Meyer is its proper owner.
____________________________________
Jake and I spent the rest of the day in my room with him curiously going through my belongings. He moved from my desk to my closet to my bookshelf, shooting questions at me and nodding along or snorting at my responses. It was amusing to watch him concentrate so hard over an old stuffed animal or a stack of my favorite CDs as if he were attempting to solve some great mystery. When I asked him why he was staring a hole through my copy of Wuthering Heights, he just shrugged and said it another piece to the Isabella Swan puzzle.
As if I was interesting enough to be put together.
So I let him learn his way around my small room as I started up the computer to e-mail Renee. I wasn’t a very good daughter; I’d been neglecting her again.
In the letter I updated her on my school work and told her about Harry Clearwater’s passing-I wasn’t sure if that was something Charlie would have been comfortable mentioning to her himself. Briefly I entertained the idea of telling her about the latest developments with Jacob because I knew it would thrill her to know I was making an effort at moving on, but when I tried to put our relationship in words, I couldn’t make sense of it. So instead I settled with a small paragraph squeezed between my review of the latest book I was reading and a series of questions about how life was going with Phil:
I’ve been spending even more time with Jacob recently,
but Charlie never complains. I think he sees how good
Jake and I are together, though most of the time we’re
up to no good.
That last part was an understatement, but I didn’t feel a need to fill my mother in on my recent cliff diving expedition; she might feel compelled to take up the activity herself. Renee was intuitive enough to pick up on the message without me having to spell it out for her anyway.
“I should probably be heading home. Charlie will be back from the funeral soon.”
I spun from the computer screen to face Jake as he stood from the bed. ‘Fair’s fair,’ he’d said when he’d sprawled out on my covers almost an hour ago.
“He won’t mind you keeping me company.”
It was the truth. Charlie was always been adamant that Jacob and I had the makings of a good couple, lightly dropping comments about how much time we spent together and how I smiled more when Jacob was around. Once, with all the subtlety of beating around the bush with a chainsaw, he’d even said, “Lord help us if the two of you ever have children; they’ll be the most headstrong kids this town has seen.” Fathers weren’t supposed to say that kind of thing to their 18-year-old daughters!
He was going to be impossible to live with when he found out that Jake and I were…more than just friends. Nowhere close to parenthood, but still…
“Yeah, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind coming home at night to find me alone with his teenage daughter in her bedroom,” Jacob said sarcastically. “Charlie might like me, but he doesn’t like me that much. And I’d rather not have to explain why all of the bullet wounds he’s bound to inflict don’t leave me permanently crippled.”
That threw me. “Really? Bullets wouldn’t do you in?”
He shrugged and ambled over, bracing his hands against the desk on either side of me as he leaned down so our faces were almost touching. “Goodnight, Bella,” he murmured and kissed me slowly, “and sweet dreams.” My eyes slid closed as he kissed me again, and I sighed languidly against his mouth.
His warmth disappeared silently, and when I opened my eyes, I was alone.
After Jacob left I mindlessly went though my evening routine of showering, getting in my pajamas, and brushing my teeth without really noticing I was doing it, my thoughts miles away-in La Push.
Jacob. Jake. My Jacob.
Just thinking about the kiss we shared in the kitchen caused my toes to curl in excitement and the butterflies to let loose in my stomach.
The kiss had meant something, but I didn’t feel the hefty implications that something so undeniably heated should have weighed me down with. On the contrary, I felt incredibly light-relief had lent me wings, and down below I could see the deep pit of despair I’d thought for certain I’d fall into. It, like most first kisses, marked the beginning of something new, something different than what I had had with Edward.
No, it wouldn’t do to compare Edward to Jake or vice versa. One was the love of my life, and the other…well, I’d just have to wait and see.
There was something there though, and I couldn’t stop my mind from traveling back to the feel of hot hands pushing into my back and burning lips assaulting my mouth. I’d never experienced anything quite like it before-Edward and I had certainly never kissed like that. And I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t acknowledge that that was one of the reasons I’d liked kissing Jacob so much; in those moments there had just been me and him, no painful memories or burning holes.
The temporary relief was definitely something I could get used to, but would it be enough to drown out my body’s recollection of careful kisses and cold, ghosting touches?
The small smile that had worked its way onto my face fell away as sleep pulled me into restless dreams of a golden-eyed angel.
___________________________________
That Monday school passed in an uneventful blur not entirely dissimilar from school days during my zombie stage. Only now my disinterest stemmed from anticipation of what the afternoon would bring and not from a complete lack of will to live.
Jacob had surprised me that morning by showing up in his Rabbit to take me to school just minutes after Charlie left the house in the cruiser. Seeing all 6 foot 4 inches of his chiseled frame perched casually on the red hood had made my breath catch in my throat.
For a dazed moment I wondered how I had never truly allowed myself to admire him before. There was something very raw about his masculinity; from his near-perfect physique, tanned skin and angular face to his confidant stride, careless words and rugged clothes. Everything about him was natural, a sort of effortless beauty that would be wasted on some one who was vain.
This appraisal caught me by surprise. I had called him “sort of beautiful” before, but now that I wasn’t so caught up in trying to force him into the label “friend” I realized it was a gross understatement.
He impatiently bounced his heel against the front bumper of the car as I stared at him.
“Earth to Bella! We’re gonna be late if we don’t get this show on the road.”
I recovered quickly, forcing down the blush creeping up my neck. “Jake, you didn’t tell me a traveling circus had finally agreed to take you in,” I shot back with a smile as I grabbed my books and locked the front door.
“It was only under the condition that I bring an equally freaky sidekick. I told ‘em I knew a 42-year-old teenager and it was a deal-maker. I’ll turn into a wolf and walk around on my hind legs while you go around fainting at the sight of all the people in the nosebleed section.”
“Forty-two?” I asked as I slid into the passenger seat.
“Yeah, I gave you four years for being such a good kisser.”
I blushed again, and he chuckled as he backed out of the drive and sped towards school. When we arrived in the parking lot, I was reluctant to leave the warmth of the car and Jacob’s presence to enter the dismal drizzle that had started up outside. I decided to procrastinate.
“So is there a reason for the unexpected chauffer service this morning?”
“Yes, and it’s purely selfish,” he said.
“Right.” I nodded knowingly. “Deal-maker for the circus.”
“If I drive you to school, it means I’ll just have to pick you up again in the afternoon.” He sighed heavily as if this were some great burden. “I guess I’ll just be forced to spend more time with you.”
“If all you wanted was to spend time with me, you just had to ask,” I told him honestly. Just the thought of going an entire eight hours of school without seeing him had me feeling dismal. “I’d love to see you later.”
He mumbled a distracted “sure, sure” but his eyes was focused on something through the windshield. I followed his gaze to see Mike standing with Jessica just under the school’s overhang. They were both looking at us intently.
It clicked instantly. Ah.
So time with me hadn’t been his only motivation, maybe not even his primary one. “You know, it would have saved you some mileage if you’d just gotten me a ‘Property of Jacob’ t-shirt,” I grouched. Why did guys have to be so needlessly territorial?
He ducked his head, muttered “sorry,” and had the decency to look sheepish at being figured out. My heart warmed at the sight of his lower lip caught between his teeth-an anxious habit he’d picked up from me-and I really couldn’t hold onto my anger. As I opened the car door I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and was rewarded with a small smile.
“Bye, Bells.”
He leaned over to kiss me on the cheek, and, to keep the entire situation from feeling too much like a dad dropping his 12-year-old off at middle school, I turned my head at the last moment so that his lips met mine.
“Bye, Jake,” I murmured. “See you after school.” I got out of the car quickly before I could see his reaction at my forwardness and made a beeline for the cafeteria’s awning. Jessica was there, her hands clasped excitedly in front of her and her eyes determined. This was one confrontation I wasn’t going to be able to avoid.
“Bella, you didn’t tell me you were dating a college guy! He’s gorgeous!” Her high-pitched squeal quickly dropped to a scandalized whisper. “You didn’t stay the night at his house, did you?”
“No, he’s not a college student; he goes to school in La Push. He just gave me a ride today because my truck’s broken down.” I said this all so quickly that I hoped she wouldn’t be able to see my last statement for the lie it was.
“Oh.” Jessica looked visibly less enthusiastic. “But still, he’s a catch! And just when everyone was beginning to think you’d never move on from-”
I made my escape as the first bell rang. “Sorry, Jess. I’m going to be late to class.”
I spent the majority of the day dodging questions about Jacob and was more than relieved when my last class let out with a visibly sulky Mike speeding off to avoid my company. I was guessing that he might have gotten Jacob’s not so subtle hint.
I anxiously bounced on my toes beside the parking lot in anticipation of Jacob’s arrival, my eyes intent on the entrance for a glimpse of a red Rabbit. The school lot was emptying out fairly quickly as kids left eager to enjoy the sunlight promised by the sky’s clearing cloud cover. By the time there were only a handful of staff vehicles left, I had relocated to a picnic table where my anticipation had quickly turned to irritation at Jacob’s tardiness. The La Push school got out an hour before ours did.
Ten minutes of mindless fidgeting later I had worked through anger and resignation to finally settle on worry. This was unusual for Jacob, he’d never left me out to dry before-except for once, and that single exception made me nervous about this particular occurrence. Perhaps something with the pack had come up.
I chewed nervously on my lip when I could only come up with one reason for the why the pack would need an impromptu meeting: Victoria.
Had she made another dive into Forks? Were the wolves in pursuit? Were they able to stop her before she fed, or had another human life been lost because of me?
These possibilities had me hightailing it off campus and starting down Fork’s main road to my side street, and I made what was normally a 25-minute hike in just over 15. Huffing and puffing I walked/ran up the driveway and raced through the door to the phone.
There weren’t any messages on the machine, so I dialed Jacob’s house without having to consciously think about the numbers. As it rang and rang images of Victoria’s deadly beautiful face came unbidden to my mind beside my last memory of Jacob from that morning. No one answered.
I anxiously crashed the phone back down the receiver and briefly deliberated before snatching my car keys off the counter and heading out to my truck. As unlikely as it was, Jacob may have just forgotten he needed to pick me up, and it would be silly if not embarrassing to not at least drive to La Push before assuming the worse.
I was pulling the truck’s rusted door closed when a piercing howl sent tingles down my spine, effectively freezing me in place. Another drawn out yelp followed, and-if the ringing clarity was any indication-whoever made it was nearby.
I hastily stumbled out of the cab towards the wood’s edge.
There was no doubt that that was a werewolf cry-too chilling to belong to an ordinary beast. And it quite possibly could’ve been my werewolf.
According to Jacob, the entire pack had been upping patrols in the last week, but I had never once heard them so clearly until now. Something was wrong. And I didn’t doubt for a moment that that something was Victoria.
The day I had jumped off the cliff, the werewolves had been in pursuit of elusive vampire, but she had made a run for it before either side could engage-for which I had been endlessly grateful. But what if this time she didn’t run? If Victoria did turn to fight, the outcome would be deadly for somebody.
I took a shaky step into the trees, my instinct to get as far away from Victoria battling with my need to guarantee Jacob and the pack’s safety.
But ultimately, any argument against me going would be a weak one. She was here for me, and I would give her what she wanted before I let anyone else suffer on my behalf.
As I started to work my way through the trees, I realized that for the first time I was grateful that the Cullens weren’t in Forks, that they were safe from Victoria’s deadly warpath. Who knew how far her resentment would reach?
The woods grew denser the farther I wandered, but a minute never passed without some sort of howl or bark to guide me in an ever-changing direction. I felt like I was chasing a phantom, and my reoccurring nightmares came flooding to the forefront of my mind as I continued my search unsuccessfully.
Bent over and gasping for breath, I broke into a small clearing-one I didn’t recognize-and was greeted with a sight that left me strangely relieved. Fifty yards away a big, black wolf was crossing the clearing in powerful, effortless strides despite its intimidating bulk. His head turned at the sound of my noisy entrance, and with astonishing grace his body whipped around and his feet stilled.
I couldn’t be sure who it was. We stared at each other for several moments, and I wondered if he recognized me until suddenly he bounded off into the trees. Disappointed and mildly frustrated, I considered pursuing him, not that I’d have any hope of catching up, but really what other option did I have?
I trudged forward determinedly.
I was so set on encountering a werewolf, that Sam Uley’s sudden appearance in the clearing actually startled me. Bare-chested and barefoot he closed the distance between us in impressive speed. It took me a moment place the wolf’s disappearance and Sam’s entrance in the same wavelength, and an odd image of a human Sam with sprouting fur and enlarging canines muddled my mind as he slowed to a stop five feet away.
His grace and ease of movement wasn’t limited to werewolf form, I noticed absently.
He opened his mouth to speak, but I was quicker. “Where’s Jake?”
“Around,” he said calmly.
Great. Evasion.
“Are you hunting…?” He cut me off before I could finish.
“What are you doing out here, Bella?” Despite his quiet tone, I could see the tension in the set of his jaw and the stiffness of his stance. “You of all people shouldn’t be wandering in the woods alone. Go home.”
My fists clenched at his obvious command. He was patronizing even if he didn’t mean to be. “It’s Victoria, isn’t it? She’s come back into Forks again.”
He looked off to the west with an expression akin to longing, causing my curiosity to burn. “You should head home, Bella,” he said, and for the first time his uneven voice betrayed his impatience.
I couldn’t find it in me to be sympathetic. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”
He glanced over his shoulder once more before stalking past me. Sighing in exasperation I turned to follow him, having to jog to match his longs strides back into the woods I had emerged from.
“I picked up her trail about an hour ago, and it was fresh, no more than a few minutes old. The others were just getting out of school at the time, and as soon we were together we started up a hunt.”
My eyes widened, and the lack of focus on my feet cost me my balance as I stumbled over the uneven ground. I barely noticed. “What happened? Where are the others?”
“We followed the trail to a lake and then lost it.” His level voice gave away nothing.
“And,” I prompted.
My impatience didn’t impress him.
“We split up, tried to find her scent again.” This time he had to reach out and grasp my arm to keep me from face-planting.
“You went alone?”
“No, but when Paul and I picked up your scent so far out from the town, Jacob was concerned about you being set loose in the woods the same time as the vampire. He wouldn’t be able to focus until he was sure of your safety, so I decided to intercept you.”
If Sam was here babysitting me, that meant Paul was running alone. And if he did cross Victoria, he would by vulnerable. Somehow I managed to end up as a debilitating inconvenience once again. It seemed I was fated to forever be a burden.
“He’s right, of course. Wandering like you were is exactly the opportunity she’s looking for. Not to mention that we’ve been expecting her to be heading towards your house, and we’ve been planning our own routes accordingly. You’re vulnerable when you’re alone, away from civilization.” He turned his head to shoot me a curious look, and still managed to deftly dodge a low-lying tree branch as I looked on enviously. “What were you doing out here?” he asked, still calm and collected. His serenity only served to irritate me.
“I was worried when Jake didn’t show up at school,” I scowled defensively. Who was he to reprimand me? He hardly knew me at all.
But then I did a double take because he did barely know me, yet he was standing by me now and had been risking his life in pursuit of my vampire stalker just minutes earlier. He’d done nothing but show me kindness, and here I was selfishly demanding more form him. Instantly I was ashamed of my behavior. I bit my lip and spoke again in a softer tone, “I heard howling and…and I couldn’t just sit at home wondering.”
Our brisk place slowed. I imagined that after nearly falling for the third time, my complete lack of coordination had made itself known, and Sam was taking pity on me. I let out a long sigh of relief, and when Sam spoke again his voice was calmer but still pointed, and the abrupt subject change sent me for a loop. “After Jacob first joined us, I warned him to stay away from you.”
So much for pity.
“I thought that ordering him to keep the secret would be enough.” He sighed and shook his head. “I underestimated his devotion to you. Not to mention your own resolve to not let him go.”
“You don’t approve,” I said slowly.
He glanced down to briefly catch my gaze. “It could end badly,” he muttered reluctantly.
But I knew exactly what he was getting at. “You’re afraid I’ll hurt him,” I accused.
Sam’s answering silence was enough of a confirmation. Had it been someone else, a true outsider, I would have argued against such an allegation because Jacob was my best friend, and hurting him would be like permanently wounding myself. But Sam knew Jacob’s mind, probably even better than I did. It was likely the pack leader had seen his true feelings for me and knew that I could never hope to return the full scope of them. It was a disheartening thought.
After a few moments of quiet reflection, I admitted quietly, “I’m afraid of that too.”
He seemed to consider something before speaking again. “Jacob has more potential than I’ve ever seen or heard of. His control over the transformation, which is supposed to grow with time and experience, greatly outshines my own.” Where I would have expected to hear resentment or jealousy in his voice, there was only blatant admiration.
“He’s so young yet so in tune with the wolf’s instincts. It’s as if he could completely give himself over to the animal and live as one without feeling the need to ever revert back to the weaker, human part of him. Living off the land, acting on survival instinct alone, no limitations.”
I stared at him bewildered. How could he say that like it was a good thing? The idea of Jacob so easily giving up his humanity, the brightness that made him my Jacob, to become a mindless animal was disturbing. I was certain he could never want that, to be a wolf all the time.
“But he’s holding back,” he continued with a frown. He eyed me coolly, and I could feel the unspoken accusation of his statement. You’re holding him back.
“If being one with the wolf is so great, why don’t you give it a try?” I shot back defensively.
“I did,” he answered serenely, “just after I changed for the very first time. I thought I’d gone insane. People don’t just turn into wolves. For almost two weeks I stayed transformed, and by then I had given up hope of ever being human again and had subconsciously decided to let the wolf, or my insanity it seemed, have me.”
Despite myself, I couldn’t help but hang on his every word. It wasn’t often I got such an intimate look in a werewolf’s psyche. Jacob edited a lot.
“My calm resignation did the trick however, and eventually I changed back. But it wasn’t easy being human. I was so angry all of the time, and usually there wasn’t even a logical reason for it. I hurt a lot of people: my friends, my mother, Leah.”
Leah, I thought sadly, and I recalled her broken expression from a few days ago. Had Sam and Leah been close?
“I thought that if I kept the time I spent as human to a minimum, I could eventually distance myself from the people I was hurting and they could move on. I’d be a wolf first and Sam second. I didn’t expect to encounter such fierce resistance to my plan though. It seemed that no one was willing to let me go peacefully; when the elders found out about what I’d become, they did their best to persuade me that staying grounded in human interaction was important…for my duty. I was selfish and disagreed in the beginning…”
He trailed off, and a small smile brightened his passive face. “And then I met Emily. After that I knew there was no leaving the human side of me behind. Instead I vowed to not let the others go through the change alone like I did.”
The compassion that burned inside of me at hearing Sam’s experience was strong, but I noticed a flaw in his logic. “If you didn’t…succumb…to your full potential as wolf because you fell in love with Emily, isn’t it a bit hypocritical to resent me for holding back Jacob?”
He shook his head. “It’s not the same.”
“You don’t think I love him back,” I said knowingly. And I couldn’t be angry because honestly I didn’t know if I could ever return even a fraction of Jacob’s feelings. Yet I clung to him anyway.
Ugh. I was so selfish.
“I don’t doubt that you care for him. It’s just not the same unbreakable hold…”
Well that was a little presumptuous. “I know that you and Emily love each other very, very much; I see it when you look at her. If Jake even had a chance to have that kind of love, wouldn’t you want that for him?”
“Of course,” he answered, and he sounded sincere. “If Jacob does imprint, I’ll be thrilled for him, grateful even. But at least for now he has the opportunity to be so much more than-”
“What’s an imprint?” Some sort of Quileute slang?
He looked reluctant. “It’s complicated.”
Ah. Werewolf jargon then.
“Yes, you wouldn’t want to overwhelm the mere mortal.” I’d get it out of Jacob later.
After that we continued on through the forest, and I was surprised to realize how far from home I’d made it. Embarrassingly, Sam had to practically walk me to my front yard before I was certain I knew the rest of the way home. Before he could take off, I secured a guarantee that he would have Jacob call me as soon as he was home. In return I promised not to leave the house.
Unfortunately, time alone meant time to think. And all I could think about was Jacob and how he was out there somewhere seeking his possible demise. By the time Charlie got home, I was a nervous wreck.
I kind of got that impression from the conversation Jacob and Bella have in Eclipse about Sam and Emily, but then I thought that Sam wouldn't tell someone if he could help it. So maybe I'm missing something from one of the books where it clarifies this?
Title: Zenith
Author: Majesta Moniet
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Edward/Bella/Jacob
Summary: At a pivotal moment in New Moon, a simple choice alters the course of Bella's future, and she is forced to endure several more weeks before Edward's eventual return to Forks. Victoria, a pack of young werewolves, and the blossoming of an undeniable bond become the least of Bella's concerns as she undergoes her own supernatural transformation. It turns out vampires and werewolves aren’t the only things that go bump in the night.
Beautiful banner by placeofthunder
Gorgeous banner by ysar
Zenith
Chapter Four - Close Call
Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight or profit from the use of its content. Stephanie Meyer is its proper owner.
____________________________________
Jake and I spent the rest of the day in my room with him curiously going through my belongings. He moved from my desk to my closet to my bookshelf, shooting questions at me and nodding along or snorting at my responses. It was amusing to watch him concentrate so hard over an old stuffed animal or a stack of my favorite CDs as if he were attempting to solve some great mystery. When I asked him why he was staring a hole through my copy of Wuthering Heights, he just shrugged and said it another piece to the Isabella Swan puzzle.
As if I was interesting enough to be put together.
So I let him learn his way around my small room as I started up the computer to e-mail Renee. I wasn’t a very good daughter; I’d been neglecting her again.
In the letter I updated her on my school work and told her about Harry Clearwater’s passing-I wasn’t sure if that was something Charlie would have been comfortable mentioning to her himself. Briefly I entertained the idea of telling her about the latest developments with Jacob because I knew it would thrill her to know I was making an effort at moving on, but when I tried to put our relationship in words, I couldn’t make sense of it. So instead I settled with a small paragraph squeezed between my review of the latest book I was reading and a series of questions about how life was going with Phil:
I’ve been spending even more time with Jacob recently,
but Charlie never complains. I think he sees how good
Jake and I are together, though most of the time we’re
up to no good.
That last part was an understatement, but I didn’t feel a need to fill my mother in on my recent cliff diving expedition; she might feel compelled to take up the activity herself. Renee was intuitive enough to pick up on the message without me having to spell it out for her anyway.
“I should probably be heading home. Charlie will be back from the funeral soon.”
I spun from the computer screen to face Jake as he stood from the bed. ‘Fair’s fair,’ he’d said when he’d sprawled out on my covers almost an hour ago.
“He won’t mind you keeping me company.”
It was the truth. Charlie was always been adamant that Jacob and I had the makings of a good couple, lightly dropping comments about how much time we spent together and how I smiled more when Jacob was around. Once, with all the subtlety of beating around the bush with a chainsaw, he’d even said, “Lord help us if the two of you ever have children; they’ll be the most headstrong kids this town has seen.” Fathers weren’t supposed to say that kind of thing to their 18-year-old daughters!
He was going to be impossible to live with when he found out that Jake and I were…more than just friends. Nowhere close to parenthood, but still…
“Yeah, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind coming home at night to find me alone with his teenage daughter in her bedroom,” Jacob said sarcastically. “Charlie might like me, but he doesn’t like me that much. And I’d rather not have to explain why all of the bullet wounds he’s bound to inflict don’t leave me permanently crippled.”
That threw me. “Really? Bullets wouldn’t do you in?”
He shrugged and ambled over, bracing his hands against the desk on either side of me as he leaned down so our faces were almost touching. “Goodnight, Bella,” he murmured and kissed me slowly, “and sweet dreams.” My eyes slid closed as he kissed me again, and I sighed languidly against his mouth.
His warmth disappeared silently, and when I opened my eyes, I was alone.
After Jacob left I mindlessly went though my evening routine of showering, getting in my pajamas, and brushing my teeth without really noticing I was doing it, my thoughts miles away-in La Push.
Jacob. Jake. My Jacob.
Just thinking about the kiss we shared in the kitchen caused my toes to curl in excitement and the butterflies to let loose in my stomach.
The kiss had meant something, but I didn’t feel the hefty implications that something so undeniably heated should have weighed me down with. On the contrary, I felt incredibly light-relief had lent me wings, and down below I could see the deep pit of despair I’d thought for certain I’d fall into. It, like most first kisses, marked the beginning of something new, something different than what I had had with Edward.
No, it wouldn’t do to compare Edward to Jake or vice versa. One was the love of my life, and the other…well, I’d just have to wait and see.
There was something there though, and I couldn’t stop my mind from traveling back to the feel of hot hands pushing into my back and burning lips assaulting my mouth. I’d never experienced anything quite like it before-Edward and I had certainly never kissed like that. And I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t acknowledge that that was one of the reasons I’d liked kissing Jacob so much; in those moments there had just been me and him, no painful memories or burning holes.
The temporary relief was definitely something I could get used to, but would it be enough to drown out my body’s recollection of careful kisses and cold, ghosting touches?
The small smile that had worked its way onto my face fell away as sleep pulled me into restless dreams of a golden-eyed angel.
___________________________________
That Monday school passed in an uneventful blur not entirely dissimilar from school days during my zombie stage. Only now my disinterest stemmed from anticipation of what the afternoon would bring and not from a complete lack of will to live.
Jacob had surprised me that morning by showing up in his Rabbit to take me to school just minutes after Charlie left the house in the cruiser. Seeing all 6 foot 4 inches of his chiseled frame perched casually on the red hood had made my breath catch in my throat.
For a dazed moment I wondered how I had never truly allowed myself to admire him before. There was something very raw about his masculinity; from his near-perfect physique, tanned skin and angular face to his confidant stride, careless words and rugged clothes. Everything about him was natural, a sort of effortless beauty that would be wasted on some one who was vain.
This appraisal caught me by surprise. I had called him “sort of beautiful” before, but now that I wasn’t so caught up in trying to force him into the label “friend” I realized it was a gross understatement.
He impatiently bounced his heel against the front bumper of the car as I stared at him.
“Earth to Bella! We’re gonna be late if we don’t get this show on the road.”
I recovered quickly, forcing down the blush creeping up my neck. “Jake, you didn’t tell me a traveling circus had finally agreed to take you in,” I shot back with a smile as I grabbed my books and locked the front door.
“It was only under the condition that I bring an equally freaky sidekick. I told ‘em I knew a 42-year-old teenager and it was a deal-maker. I’ll turn into a wolf and walk around on my hind legs while you go around fainting at the sight of all the people in the nosebleed section.”
“Forty-two?” I asked as I slid into the passenger seat.
“Yeah, I gave you four years for being such a good kisser.”
I blushed again, and he chuckled as he backed out of the drive and sped towards school. When we arrived in the parking lot, I was reluctant to leave the warmth of the car and Jacob’s presence to enter the dismal drizzle that had started up outside. I decided to procrastinate.
“So is there a reason for the unexpected chauffer service this morning?”
“Yes, and it’s purely selfish,” he said.
“Right.” I nodded knowingly. “Deal-maker for the circus.”
“If I drive you to school, it means I’ll just have to pick you up again in the afternoon.” He sighed heavily as if this were some great burden. “I guess I’ll just be forced to spend more time with you.”
“If all you wanted was to spend time with me, you just had to ask,” I told him honestly. Just the thought of going an entire eight hours of school without seeing him had me feeling dismal. “I’d love to see you later.”
He mumbled a distracted “sure, sure” but his eyes was focused on something through the windshield. I followed his gaze to see Mike standing with Jessica just under the school’s overhang. They were both looking at us intently.
It clicked instantly. Ah.
So time with me hadn’t been his only motivation, maybe not even his primary one. “You know, it would have saved you some mileage if you’d just gotten me a ‘Property of Jacob’ t-shirt,” I grouched. Why did guys have to be so needlessly territorial?
He ducked his head, muttered “sorry,” and had the decency to look sheepish at being figured out. My heart warmed at the sight of his lower lip caught between his teeth-an anxious habit he’d picked up from me-and I really couldn’t hold onto my anger. As I opened the car door I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and was rewarded with a small smile.
“Bye, Bells.”
He leaned over to kiss me on the cheek, and, to keep the entire situation from feeling too much like a dad dropping his 12-year-old off at middle school, I turned my head at the last moment so that his lips met mine.
“Bye, Jake,” I murmured. “See you after school.” I got out of the car quickly before I could see his reaction at my forwardness and made a beeline for the cafeteria’s awning. Jessica was there, her hands clasped excitedly in front of her and her eyes determined. This was one confrontation I wasn’t going to be able to avoid.
“Bella, you didn’t tell me you were dating a college guy! He’s gorgeous!” Her high-pitched squeal quickly dropped to a scandalized whisper. “You didn’t stay the night at his house, did you?”
“No, he’s not a college student; he goes to school in La Push. He just gave me a ride today because my truck’s broken down.” I said this all so quickly that I hoped she wouldn’t be able to see my last statement for the lie it was.
“Oh.” Jessica looked visibly less enthusiastic. “But still, he’s a catch! And just when everyone was beginning to think you’d never move on from-”
I made my escape as the first bell rang. “Sorry, Jess. I’m going to be late to class.”
I spent the majority of the day dodging questions about Jacob and was more than relieved when my last class let out with a visibly sulky Mike speeding off to avoid my company. I was guessing that he might have gotten Jacob’s not so subtle hint.
I anxiously bounced on my toes beside the parking lot in anticipation of Jacob’s arrival, my eyes intent on the entrance for a glimpse of a red Rabbit. The school lot was emptying out fairly quickly as kids left eager to enjoy the sunlight promised by the sky’s clearing cloud cover. By the time there were only a handful of staff vehicles left, I had relocated to a picnic table where my anticipation had quickly turned to irritation at Jacob’s tardiness. The La Push school got out an hour before ours did.
Ten minutes of mindless fidgeting later I had worked through anger and resignation to finally settle on worry. This was unusual for Jacob, he’d never left me out to dry before-except for once, and that single exception made me nervous about this particular occurrence. Perhaps something with the pack had come up.
I chewed nervously on my lip when I could only come up with one reason for the why the pack would need an impromptu meeting: Victoria.
Had she made another dive into Forks? Were the wolves in pursuit? Were they able to stop her before she fed, or had another human life been lost because of me?
These possibilities had me hightailing it off campus and starting down Fork’s main road to my side street, and I made what was normally a 25-minute hike in just over 15. Huffing and puffing I walked/ran up the driveway and raced through the door to the phone.
There weren’t any messages on the machine, so I dialed Jacob’s house without having to consciously think about the numbers. As it rang and rang images of Victoria’s deadly beautiful face came unbidden to my mind beside my last memory of Jacob from that morning. No one answered.
I anxiously crashed the phone back down the receiver and briefly deliberated before snatching my car keys off the counter and heading out to my truck. As unlikely as it was, Jacob may have just forgotten he needed to pick me up, and it would be silly if not embarrassing to not at least drive to La Push before assuming the worse.
I was pulling the truck’s rusted door closed when a piercing howl sent tingles down my spine, effectively freezing me in place. Another drawn out yelp followed, and-if the ringing clarity was any indication-whoever made it was nearby.
I hastily stumbled out of the cab towards the wood’s edge.
There was no doubt that that was a werewolf cry-too chilling to belong to an ordinary beast. And it quite possibly could’ve been my werewolf.
According to Jacob, the entire pack had been upping patrols in the last week, but I had never once heard them so clearly until now. Something was wrong. And I didn’t doubt for a moment that that something was Victoria.
The day I had jumped off the cliff, the werewolves had been in pursuit of elusive vampire, but she had made a run for it before either side could engage-for which I had been endlessly grateful. But what if this time she didn’t run? If Victoria did turn to fight, the outcome would be deadly for somebody.
I took a shaky step into the trees, my instinct to get as far away from Victoria battling with my need to guarantee Jacob and the pack’s safety.
But ultimately, any argument against me going would be a weak one. She was here for me, and I would give her what she wanted before I let anyone else suffer on my behalf.
As I started to work my way through the trees, I realized that for the first time I was grateful that the Cullens weren’t in Forks, that they were safe from Victoria’s deadly warpath. Who knew how far her resentment would reach?
The woods grew denser the farther I wandered, but a minute never passed without some sort of howl or bark to guide me in an ever-changing direction. I felt like I was chasing a phantom, and my reoccurring nightmares came flooding to the forefront of my mind as I continued my search unsuccessfully.
Bent over and gasping for breath, I broke into a small clearing-one I didn’t recognize-and was greeted with a sight that left me strangely relieved. Fifty yards away a big, black wolf was crossing the clearing in powerful, effortless strides despite its intimidating bulk. His head turned at the sound of my noisy entrance, and with astonishing grace his body whipped around and his feet stilled.
I couldn’t be sure who it was. We stared at each other for several moments, and I wondered if he recognized me until suddenly he bounded off into the trees. Disappointed and mildly frustrated, I considered pursuing him, not that I’d have any hope of catching up, but really what other option did I have?
I trudged forward determinedly.
I was so set on encountering a werewolf, that Sam Uley’s sudden appearance in the clearing actually startled me. Bare-chested and barefoot he closed the distance between us in impressive speed. It took me a moment place the wolf’s disappearance and Sam’s entrance in the same wavelength, and an odd image of a human Sam with sprouting fur and enlarging canines muddled my mind as he slowed to a stop five feet away.
His grace and ease of movement wasn’t limited to werewolf form, I noticed absently.
He opened his mouth to speak, but I was quicker. “Where’s Jake?”
“Around,” he said calmly.
Great. Evasion.
“Are you hunting…?” He cut me off before I could finish.
“What are you doing out here, Bella?” Despite his quiet tone, I could see the tension in the set of his jaw and the stiffness of his stance. “You of all people shouldn’t be wandering in the woods alone. Go home.”
My fists clenched at his obvious command. He was patronizing even if he didn’t mean to be. “It’s Victoria, isn’t it? She’s come back into Forks again.”
He looked off to the west with an expression akin to longing, causing my curiosity to burn. “You should head home, Bella,” he said, and for the first time his uneven voice betrayed his impatience.
I couldn’t find it in me to be sympathetic. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”
He glanced over his shoulder once more before stalking past me. Sighing in exasperation I turned to follow him, having to jog to match his longs strides back into the woods I had emerged from.
“I picked up her trail about an hour ago, and it was fresh, no more than a few minutes old. The others were just getting out of school at the time, and as soon we were together we started up a hunt.”
My eyes widened, and the lack of focus on my feet cost me my balance as I stumbled over the uneven ground. I barely noticed. “What happened? Where are the others?”
“We followed the trail to a lake and then lost it.” His level voice gave away nothing.
“And,” I prompted.
My impatience didn’t impress him.
“We split up, tried to find her scent again.” This time he had to reach out and grasp my arm to keep me from face-planting.
“You went alone?”
“No, but when Paul and I picked up your scent so far out from the town, Jacob was concerned about you being set loose in the woods the same time as the vampire. He wouldn’t be able to focus until he was sure of your safety, so I decided to intercept you.”
If Sam was here babysitting me, that meant Paul was running alone. And if he did cross Victoria, he would by vulnerable. Somehow I managed to end up as a debilitating inconvenience once again. It seemed I was fated to forever be a burden.
“He’s right, of course. Wandering like you were is exactly the opportunity she’s looking for. Not to mention that we’ve been expecting her to be heading towards your house, and we’ve been planning our own routes accordingly. You’re vulnerable when you’re alone, away from civilization.” He turned his head to shoot me a curious look, and still managed to deftly dodge a low-lying tree branch as I looked on enviously. “What were you doing out here?” he asked, still calm and collected. His serenity only served to irritate me.
“I was worried when Jake didn’t show up at school,” I scowled defensively. Who was he to reprimand me? He hardly knew me at all.
But then I did a double take because he did barely know me, yet he was standing by me now and had been risking his life in pursuit of my vampire stalker just minutes earlier. He’d done nothing but show me kindness, and here I was selfishly demanding more form him. Instantly I was ashamed of my behavior. I bit my lip and spoke again in a softer tone, “I heard howling and…and I couldn’t just sit at home wondering.”
Our brisk place slowed. I imagined that after nearly falling for the third time, my complete lack of coordination had made itself known, and Sam was taking pity on me. I let out a long sigh of relief, and when Sam spoke again his voice was calmer but still pointed, and the abrupt subject change sent me for a loop. “After Jacob first joined us, I warned him to stay away from you.”
So much for pity.
“I thought that ordering him to keep the secret would be enough.” He sighed and shook his head. “I underestimated his devotion to you. Not to mention your own resolve to not let him go.”
“You don’t approve,” I said slowly.
He glanced down to briefly catch my gaze. “It could end badly,” he muttered reluctantly.
But I knew exactly what he was getting at. “You’re afraid I’ll hurt him,” I accused.
Sam’s answering silence was enough of a confirmation. Had it been someone else, a true outsider, I would have argued against such an allegation because Jacob was my best friend, and hurting him would be like permanently wounding myself. But Sam knew Jacob’s mind, probably even better than I did. It was likely the pack leader had seen his true feelings for me and knew that I could never hope to return the full scope of them. It was a disheartening thought.
After a few moments of quiet reflection, I admitted quietly, “I’m afraid of that too.”
He seemed to consider something before speaking again. “Jacob has more potential than I’ve ever seen or heard of. His control over the transformation, which is supposed to grow with time and experience, greatly outshines my own.” Where I would have expected to hear resentment or jealousy in his voice, there was only blatant admiration.
“He’s so young yet so in tune with the wolf’s instincts. It’s as if he could completely give himself over to the animal and live as one without feeling the need to ever revert back to the weaker, human part of him. Living off the land, acting on survival instinct alone, no limitations.”
I stared at him bewildered. How could he say that like it was a good thing? The idea of Jacob so easily giving up his humanity, the brightness that made him my Jacob, to become a mindless animal was disturbing. I was certain he could never want that, to be a wolf all the time.
“But he’s holding back,” he continued with a frown. He eyed me coolly, and I could feel the unspoken accusation of his statement. You’re holding him back.
“If being one with the wolf is so great, why don’t you give it a try?” I shot back defensively.
“I did,” he answered serenely, “just after I changed for the very first time. I thought I’d gone insane. People don’t just turn into wolves. For almost two weeks I stayed transformed, and by then I had given up hope of ever being human again and had subconsciously decided to let the wolf, or my insanity it seemed, have me.”
Despite myself, I couldn’t help but hang on his every word. It wasn’t often I got such an intimate look in a werewolf’s psyche. Jacob edited a lot.
“My calm resignation did the trick however, and eventually I changed back. But it wasn’t easy being human. I was so angry all of the time, and usually there wasn’t even a logical reason for it. I hurt a lot of people: my friends, my mother, Leah.”
Leah, I thought sadly, and I recalled her broken expression from a few days ago. Had Sam and Leah been close?
“I thought that if I kept the time I spent as human to a minimum, I could eventually distance myself from the people I was hurting and they could move on. I’d be a wolf first and Sam second. I didn’t expect to encounter such fierce resistance to my plan though. It seemed that no one was willing to let me go peacefully; when the elders found out about what I’d become, they did their best to persuade me that staying grounded in human interaction was important…for my duty. I was selfish and disagreed in the beginning…”
He trailed off, and a small smile brightened his passive face. “And then I met Emily. After that I knew there was no leaving the human side of me behind. Instead I vowed to not let the others go through the change alone like I did.”
The compassion that burned inside of me at hearing Sam’s experience was strong, but I noticed a flaw in his logic. “If you didn’t…succumb…to your full potential as wolf because you fell in love with Emily, isn’t it a bit hypocritical to resent me for holding back Jacob?”
He shook his head. “It’s not the same.”
“You don’t think I love him back,” I said knowingly. And I couldn’t be angry because honestly I didn’t know if I could ever return even a fraction of Jacob’s feelings. Yet I clung to him anyway.
Ugh. I was so selfish.
“I don’t doubt that you care for him. It’s just not the same unbreakable hold…”
Well that was a little presumptuous. “I know that you and Emily love each other very, very much; I see it when you look at her. If Jake even had a chance to have that kind of love, wouldn’t you want that for him?”
“Of course,” he answered, and he sounded sincere. “If Jacob does imprint, I’ll be thrilled for him, grateful even. But at least for now he has the opportunity to be so much more than-”
“What’s an imprint?” Some sort of Quileute slang?
He looked reluctant. “It’s complicated.”
Ah. Werewolf jargon then.
“Yes, you wouldn’t want to overwhelm the mere mortal.” I’d get it out of Jacob later.
After that we continued on through the forest, and I was surprised to realize how far from home I’d made it. Embarrassingly, Sam had to practically walk me to my front yard before I was certain I knew the rest of the way home. Before he could take off, I secured a guarantee that he would have Jacob call me as soon as he was home. In return I promised not to leave the house.
Unfortunately, time alone meant time to think. And all I could think about was Jacob and how he was out there somewhere seeking his possible demise. By the time Charlie got home, I was a nervous wreck.