one less friend

[majel]

About a month ago I received a phone call from a high school friend of mine. He apologized in greeting. I was confused. He asked in a grave tone if I had heard the news. I was still confused, almost worried. Long story short, I learned that one of my older friends had died suddenly a few days prior. All I know is that he was comatose in the hospital for a few days and that a neurosurgeon or brain doctor of some kind was on hand to treat him. I wonder if some of the thoughts that occur to me about him and his death and his life are somehow selfish. I wonder how his rent will get paid. How his family was notified. How his best friends are coping. What will happen to his extensive comic and DVD collections. I wonder how much I will miss him and what will remind me of the loss. I wonder if I was one of his best friends. I feel bad that such a bright and busy mind is now silent and still. His birthday was only a few weeks away. I heard that it got turned into a memorial service. I didn't go. I didn't feel as though I belonged there. I didn't want to burden anyone with all these petty thoughts of mine. Or embarrass myself with their simplicity. I guess I was truly shocked that he died and that I am still in disbelief.

His name on my LJ friend list is Tabloidman. I miss him.

-Jack