MK&A
So, I've been wandering around life and livejournal these past few days, drinking too much coffee and pulling old volumes of poetry off the shelf. I wanted to preface what I'm about to say with that just so anyone reading this knows that I may or may not be over-analyzing things lately, or I may just have an odd perspective on things in general.(and I have made the mistake of making unintentionally inflammatory remarks in this private journal which got me blacklisted for awhile, so you can understand the cautionary tone)
The Mary Kate and Ashley phenomenon on all of the Ana forums and on lj has really taken root. What I thought was a temporary sign of support has failed to dissipate in favor of some other more worthy icon (worthy being a skewed judgment call in this instance). As I started thinking about it, I noticed that in fact many of the icons and banners linked to this group of individuals are actually of the twins together. This is perhaps a telling detail- it is not the anorexic twin that they idolize. It is the duality of the grounded, healthy twin looking still very much identical to the lost, listless wide-eyed twin. I see it as a metaphor for ana herself- two separate, conscious beings existing in the same body. The confusion of looking in the mirror and seeing the girl trapped inside and being the girl who is free. There is the awake, alive, understanding part of the dementia that clings at the falling, failing, lost side. They look at each other and know that they are one and the same, that they both contribute to the same result- either in irreproachable perfection or in indefatigable weakness but it is with an understanding that they are trapped by one another. The key to the freedom defies every instinctual feeling- the sane side and the tilted reality want to be free of one another, so they pull at the chains that bind them, but they can only be free and balanced when they reach out and cling to one another- forcing the reality to confront the dementia and vice-versa.
The thought of all of the tiny, afraid little girls makes me want to cry. The secret to their recovery is locked inside their own head, which is the place they are most afraid to go. And everyone in their life is so outside of these thoughts that they are unable to guide them to the solution- they continue addressing it as two dichotomous parts.
The Mary Kate and Ashley phenomenon on all of the Ana forums and on lj has really taken root. What I thought was a temporary sign of support has failed to dissipate in favor of some other more worthy icon (worthy being a skewed judgment call in this instance). As I started thinking about it, I noticed that in fact many of the icons and banners linked to this group of individuals are actually of the twins together. This is perhaps a telling detail- it is not the anorexic twin that they idolize. It is the duality of the grounded, healthy twin looking still very much identical to the lost, listless wide-eyed twin. I see it as a metaphor for ana herself- two separate, conscious beings existing in the same body. The confusion of looking in the mirror and seeing the girl trapped inside and being the girl who is free. There is the awake, alive, understanding part of the dementia that clings at the falling, failing, lost side. They look at each other and know that they are one and the same, that they both contribute to the same result- either in irreproachable perfection or in indefatigable weakness but it is with an understanding that they are trapped by one another. The key to the freedom defies every instinctual feeling- the sane side and the tilted reality want to be free of one another, so they pull at the chains that bind them, but they can only be free and balanced when they reach out and cling to one another- forcing the reality to confront the dementia and vice-versa.
The thought of all of the tiny, afraid little girls makes me want to cry. The secret to their recovery is locked inside their own head, which is the place they are most afraid to go. And everyone in their life is so outside of these thoughts that they are unable to guide them to the solution- they continue addressing it as two dichotomous parts.