song... stuck... in... head...
Anyways, This weekend was pretty nice actually. I FINALLY GOT MY CAR BACK! = estactic me! if you havn't noticed! and it runs sooooo much better now. It idols perfectly and so much more smoothly! it doesn't shake anymore, and I don't have to worry about my breaks now, cause those were fixed too!
but on a side note, I don't really know what was wrong with it, and I'm not excatly sure what Scott, the guy who fixed my car, actually did to fix it. so yes. great things! much love for me! I finally get my car back.
So the next step with that is switching my parking permit to west hall instead of the ondine, and that is on my todo list after class today, and class will be shorter today too because we have a test... *wish me luck* I think i'll do alright, cause I seem to understand this stuff more then i understood the stuff in the last test, and that makes me happy. I'm going to go over the study guide one more time before class today after i get done writing on here. but yea, and my teacher also said that those who scored in my range of score of the last test tend to do better on this test because they start to understand things and want to do better so they study more. and that is actually true, i've studied more for this test then with the other one. *crosses fingers* so i really hope things go well.
Spent time at my grandparents place on saturday with my mom. that was nice. they love the DVD player that i got them for christmas, and it was funny listning to her talk about it! oh my gosh! I should have taken a picture of the cat! they have this big fluffy dark gray kitty, and he was stretched out on his back paws above his head and his back legs all streched out down! it was soooo cute! lol, it was funny, i really should have taken a picture.
Mom took me to get my car, and that was happy, then i spent time with mom, playing with the dogs! I miss my puppies! Bronx was soooo happy to see! he kept bringing me his ball, cause he wanted me to play with him and throw it for him, and then him and Kaesha started playing... biting eachother and whatnot! it was sooo cute! they were showing off for me! :) I miss them so much.
at one point, i had gotten my business book out to keep working on the study guide for this test today, and mom started to tell me that one day, after she had gotten off of work that she had pulled up and looked into the back yard, and she saw a figure walk by, and it was tall and thin, and it had a white tee-shirt, and light jeans, and a backward baseball cap on, and for a second she felt like she was going to call out for my uncle terry. she said that she couldn't really see the face, but everything about what she saw said "Terry". She finally told my dad about it, and he confessed to seeing a simular thing around the place. And once my dad and his friend Gary were out in the back room when someone knocked on the outside door and when my dad got up to see who was there, no one was there. I mean, i'm kind of glad she told me, but i just started crying, as i feel I'm about to do now, and I couldn't stop for a long time, and it stayed with me for the rest of the day, though i pushed it back out of my thoughts untill i was in bed, and i started crying again. I can't forget him, and i still haven't let go. I don't know what it will take. but it still eats at me, when i least suspect it. its been 4 months already, and i don't know. i don't think it's ever taken me this long to accept something, even someone's death. I've had other loved ones die, and I accepted it. maybe because I actually went to a funeral *sp* and got to say my goodbye's. They never had one for Terry, I never got to see him one last time, never got to tell him how much i loved him and tell him that i'll miss him. and I just get soooo... angry... I don't want to feel like this, and my mom tells me that he knew that I loved him and cared about him and that sometimes I seemed to be the only one that he'd listen to, but if I was such an ifluence, why couldn't i do anything to stop him? Why wasn't I on his mind before he thought of killing himself? why? what was going on in his life? what happened? I just have so many questions that are left unanswered and they won't let me let go.
sorry for all the endless chatter... it just seems that no matter how much i write about him, it never goes away, and this is the only way that i can get anything out. I can't actually talk about it. my voice leaves me when i try. I only manage to get out a few words or maybe a sentence, and i can't talk anymore. it happens everytime. *sigh* i don't know...
but I did get jay to come over to my parents house, and we had pizza and wathed a movie. *boring movie, but great landscaping shots, but it was filmed in oregon! yay! It's called Westender if you want to know*
we actually had a pretty good time.
went back to jay's parents place and stayed the night, worked on homework almost all the next day untill we left, but i still enjoy being there. its nice. and jay loves being there, he acts like such a dork there.. lol... he always tells me how much it feels like home for him when he's there, and i think that he feels that he can act like, whatever, and no one will judge him for it. it really is cute, and funny. lol. came back and just chilled for the rest of the night. watched Ty, they made an amazing house, and had some yummy chips and self made chili dip! yum! lol. good stuff. and a drink that made me alittle buzzed... lol, but then i just fell asleep with jay and didn't get up till morning. :) good feelings of warmth and love when i'm with him. things are just better. anyways, i need to read. sorry for the long ass post, but yea, lots of things on my mind i guess. later all! hope you all have a good week, and a good monday!
but on a side note, I don't really know what was wrong with it, and I'm not excatly sure what Scott, the guy who fixed my car, actually did to fix it. so yes. great things! much love for me! I finally get my car back.
So the next step with that is switching my parking permit to west hall instead of the ondine, and that is on my todo list after class today, and class will be shorter today too because we have a test... *wish me luck* I think i'll do alright, cause I seem to understand this stuff more then i understood the stuff in the last test, and that makes me happy. I'm going to go over the study guide one more time before class today after i get done writing on here. but yea, and my teacher also said that those who scored in my range of score of the last test tend to do better on this test because they start to understand things and want to do better so they study more. and that is actually true, i've studied more for this test then with the other one. *crosses fingers* so i really hope things go well.
Spent time at my grandparents place on saturday with my mom. that was nice. they love the DVD player that i got them for christmas, and it was funny listning to her talk about it! oh my gosh! I should have taken a picture of the cat! they have this big fluffy dark gray kitty, and he was stretched out on his back paws above his head and his back legs all streched out down! it was soooo cute! lol, it was funny, i really should have taken a picture.
Mom took me to get my car, and that was happy, then i spent time with mom, playing with the dogs! I miss my puppies! Bronx was soooo happy to see! he kept bringing me his ball, cause he wanted me to play with him and throw it for him, and then him and Kaesha started playing... biting eachother and whatnot! it was sooo cute! they were showing off for me! :) I miss them so much.
at one point, i had gotten my business book out to keep working on the study guide for this test today, and mom started to tell me that one day, after she had gotten off of work that she had pulled up and looked into the back yard, and she saw a figure walk by, and it was tall and thin, and it had a white tee-shirt, and light jeans, and a backward baseball cap on, and for a second she felt like she was going to call out for my uncle terry. she said that she couldn't really see the face, but everything about what she saw said "Terry". She finally told my dad about it, and he confessed to seeing a simular thing around the place. And once my dad and his friend Gary were out in the back room when someone knocked on the outside door and when my dad got up to see who was there, no one was there. I mean, i'm kind of glad she told me, but i just started crying, as i feel I'm about to do now, and I couldn't stop for a long time, and it stayed with me for the rest of the day, though i pushed it back out of my thoughts untill i was in bed, and i started crying again. I can't forget him, and i still haven't let go. I don't know what it will take. but it still eats at me, when i least suspect it. its been 4 months already, and i don't know. i don't think it's ever taken me this long to accept something, even someone's death. I've had other loved ones die, and I accepted it. maybe because I actually went to a funeral *sp* and got to say my goodbye's. They never had one for Terry, I never got to see him one last time, never got to tell him how much i loved him and tell him that i'll miss him. and I just get soooo... angry... I don't want to feel like this, and my mom tells me that he knew that I loved him and cared about him and that sometimes I seemed to be the only one that he'd listen to, but if I was such an ifluence, why couldn't i do anything to stop him? Why wasn't I on his mind before he thought of killing himself? why? what was going on in his life? what happened? I just have so many questions that are left unanswered and they won't let me let go.
sorry for all the endless chatter... it just seems that no matter how much i write about him, it never goes away, and this is the only way that i can get anything out. I can't actually talk about it. my voice leaves me when i try. I only manage to get out a few words or maybe a sentence, and i can't talk anymore. it happens everytime. *sigh* i don't know...
but I did get jay to come over to my parents house, and we had pizza and wathed a movie. *boring movie, but great landscaping shots, but it was filmed in oregon! yay! It's called Westender if you want to know*
we actually had a pretty good time.
went back to jay's parents place and stayed the night, worked on homework almost all the next day untill we left, but i still enjoy being there. its nice. and jay loves being there, he acts like such a dork there.. lol... he always tells me how much it feels like home for him when he's there, and i think that he feels that he can act like, whatever, and no one will judge him for it. it really is cute, and funny. lol. came back and just chilled for the rest of the night. watched Ty, they made an amazing house, and had some yummy chips and self made chili dip! yum! lol. good stuff. and a drink that made me alittle buzzed... lol, but then i just fell asleep with jay and didn't get up till morning. :) good feelings of warmth and love when i'm with him. things are just better. anyways, i need to read. sorry for the long ass post, but yea, lots of things on my mind i guess. later all! hope you all have a good week, and a good monday!