The Saddest Part..
Ever since I came into the fandom, I was able to come across comments/blogs about some fans leaving the fandom. This really saddens me. Not because they are leaving Arashi, it makes me sad knowing that I would definitely end up doing the same in the future....
The first time this thing affected me was when I was able to read the LJ of the founder of Arashi-on. For some reasons, I was curious that time what she's doing in her life now since she's not in the fandom anymore. Her current posts that time are all about her own family and her kids. But back reading, she used to do what I am currently doing now because of Arashi.... Learning Japanese, dreaming of going to Japan, etc. etc. Makes me wonder if what I'm doing are all worth it?
My best friend told me that I should just enjoy what I love doing right now and just don't hold back, but I am not sure why I can't do that. I was supposed to just enjoy, instead I was thinking whether or not I would happy about it in the future and if this is something that will still make me happy even after years of doing it...... After thinking much about it, I decided to let it pass that time, until everything calmed down and I was back to normal fangirling.
Until I read AoM's post.... which affected me once again... I know there's a high chance I'd leave the fandom again, either change or maybe focus in RL. I used to be in another fandom before Arashi, and Arashi took me away from them(Super Junior). That's the reason why I don't really watch Kanjani8's show, they are a promising group and I am not sure if I would be able to stay in Arashi if I go too deep with Kanjani. With SJ and Arashi, it used to be more SJ, less Arashi, until it became equal, then more Arashi, less SJ then no SJ at all.
Since all of sudden, I'm not interested to SJ anymore, I don't even care about them anymore. Just last year, I was dreadfully planning my SJ Seoul get away, I want to experience more SJ, go to their Radio recording, go to their live perfs, go to their Cafes,..... This year, the Seoul getaway pushed through and I didn't even watched their shows on TV, just one time and that's just because they happen to be on TV when I turned it on...
Well, back to my issue.. I am really frustrated right now about this. I am spending 90% of my profit after monthly expenses for Arashi, goodies, goodies, goodies! Which makes only 10% of my residual income goes to other expense like going out with friends from time to time. I am really wondering if I will be happy doing this in the future? Should I continue this Arashi insanity? Lol. I can't let the day pass without any Arashi anymore, I should at least hear their songs. It's really bad imo. Now, I'm wishing they'd all get married so I can somehow lessen my interest to them. Lol. So selfish.
The first time this thing affected me was when I was able to read the LJ of the founder of Arashi-on. For some reasons, I was curious that time what she's doing in her life now since she's not in the fandom anymore. Her current posts that time are all about her own family and her kids. But back reading, she used to do what I am currently doing now because of Arashi.... Learning Japanese, dreaming of going to Japan, etc. etc. Makes me wonder if what I'm doing are all worth it?
My best friend told me that I should just enjoy what I love doing right now and just don't hold back, but I am not sure why I can't do that. I was supposed to just enjoy, instead I was thinking whether or not I would happy about it in the future and if this is something that will still make me happy even after years of doing it...... After thinking much about it, I decided to let it pass that time, until everything calmed down and I was back to normal fangirling.
Until I read AoM's post.... which affected me once again... I know there's a high chance I'd leave the fandom again, either change or maybe focus in RL. I used to be in another fandom before Arashi, and Arashi took me away from them(Super Junior). That's the reason why I don't really watch Kanjani8's show, they are a promising group and I am not sure if I would be able to stay in Arashi if I go too deep with Kanjani. With SJ and Arashi, it used to be more SJ, less Arashi, until it became equal, then more Arashi, less SJ then no SJ at all.
Since all of sudden, I'm not interested to SJ anymore, I don't even care about them anymore. Just last year, I was dreadfully planning my SJ Seoul get away, I want to experience more SJ, go to their Radio recording, go to their live perfs, go to their Cafes,..... This year, the Seoul getaway pushed through and I didn't even watched their shows on TV, just one time and that's just because they happen to be on TV when I turned it on...
Well, back to my issue.. I am really frustrated right now about this. I am spending 90% of my profit after monthly expenses for Arashi, goodies, goodies, goodies! Which makes only 10% of my residual income goes to other expense like going out with friends from time to time. I am really wondering if I will be happy doing this in the future? Should I continue this Arashi insanity? Lol. I can't let the day pass without any Arashi anymore, I should at least hear their songs. It's really bad imo. Now, I'm wishing they'd all get married so I can somehow lessen my interest to them. Lol. So selfish.