(no subject)
I am sorry that I don't write more meaningful shite in here, really. I always try to vent, but then I think that somehow, the wrong people are going to lay their hands on it and I will have to deal with some type of confrontation. I hate confrontation. When I'm not prepared for it, at least. Because sometimes, confrontation can be very liberating...but sometimes if can just screw things up even more.
Okay, so I'm going to put this in here even though I know it will probably lead to some sort of crap that I don't want to get into. Is it okay that I have a problem with Kyle's friends being here? That's not exactly what I mean, sorry. Okay...so is it okay that I have a problem with Kyle taking his friends out to places when they're here? Wait. That's not quite right either...Is is wrong that I get pissed that he takes them out to do stuff when he has zero dollars but does not do the same curiosity with me? So we're both poor as fuck; he could offer anyway.
I guess it makes a difference that I am here all the time and they never are. He doesn't have to feel obligated to do anything special with me because he knows I'll always be around. They won't be. I mean, that was the first time anyone has bothered to come see him down here. When I asked those questions earlier, I already knew the answer...his actions are justified. But are mine? Can I be upset by it even though I know that it was justified? Or am I just upset because the world does not revolve around me?
So I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I will be alone here once this semester is up. No Kyle, no Dani = zero friends. But they both have to do what they have to do. They can't give up their lives because I am selfish (as was previously discussed in the last paragraph). Kyle thinks that I am literally crazy (but I won't go into why). I think he is right. I got fucked up at birth. My parents made me this way. They made all three of us that way. My brother's problems are just much more easily seen on the surface. My problems (and Kacy's) lie further down...somewhere in our souls. Does anyone know if lost souls can be brought back? Maybe Winona Ryder does.
I'm gonna go hunt down some food right now so that I can feel a little better about my life...until I feel fat once I've finished. Can never win, can you?
Okay, so I'm going to put this in here even though I know it will probably lead to some sort of crap that I don't want to get into. Is it okay that I have a problem with Kyle's friends being here? That's not exactly what I mean, sorry. Okay...so is it okay that I have a problem with Kyle taking his friends out to places when they're here? Wait. That's not quite right either...Is is wrong that I get pissed that he takes them out to do stuff when he has zero dollars but does not do the same curiosity with me? So we're both poor as fuck; he could offer anyway.
I guess it makes a difference that I am here all the time and they never are. He doesn't have to feel obligated to do anything special with me because he knows I'll always be around. They won't be. I mean, that was the first time anyone has bothered to come see him down here. When I asked those questions earlier, I already knew the answer...his actions are justified. But are mine? Can I be upset by it even though I know that it was justified? Or am I just upset because the world does not revolve around me?
So I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I will be alone here once this semester is up. No Kyle, no Dani = zero friends. But they both have to do what they have to do. They can't give up their lives because I am selfish (as was previously discussed in the last paragraph). Kyle thinks that I am literally crazy (but I won't go into why). I think he is right. I got fucked up at birth. My parents made me this way. They made all three of us that way. My brother's problems are just much more easily seen on the surface. My problems (and Kacy's) lie further down...somewhere in our souls. Does anyone know if lost souls can be brought back? Maybe Winona Ryder does.
I'm gonna go hunt down some food right now so that I can feel a little better about my life...until I feel fat once I've finished. Can never win, can you?