(no subject)
Everyday I feel like I'm turning into a monster I can't recognize. My happy self gets drowned out by the one with claws and blood dripping from her fangs. It's a really powerful and consuming creature. To be honest, I am in awe. I am stunned. I am a little scared by how comfortable I am with it.
"Jingwei, this isn't you. You're turning into someone who's not you".
I stare back at her quietly, munching my food. I don't know what else to do. Per usual, I take her scoldings calmly. I wait for her to finish before taking my own stand. We go back and forth for hours. No hurt feelings, just plain, unintimidated honesty.
I understand. I need to stop. But that creature inside of me continues to wreck. Any moment now it can just burst out of my spine, spewing innards everywhere, and devour me.
And I would no longer exist.
I need to fight it, train it, and keep it captive. Unleash when needed, and not let it run loose like a hazard.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.