So how do you mourn...
when the person who you're grieving for is someone for whom you've never had a chance to be truly close to due to a combination of geography and family dramas - which were quite probably the bigger obstacle.
Basically, my grandmother died on Mew Year's Eve. It's weird because for the whole of my life, and for most of my father's life she's lived in America (that's a whole other story for another time), but due to the family stuff, I can only remember her from a few visits out here, one, maybe two while I was growing up, and another 2 as an adult, where she and my Dad were able to work through the family stuff - none of which was their fault, more them being screwed around by my great grandparents - but yeah, I guess what's really messing with me is this person, who is family, and who I know loved me, and I her...and yet the relationship was based more on letters/phonecalls rather than actual contact.
And now, she's gone...and because I was stupid enough to let my passport lapse, and haven't gotten around to getting Ms. M one yet, I can't just go fly in for her funeral...and as it is, even if I could, the weather stateside means that there is no guarantee that I would even get to where I wanted to go anyway.
But enough rambling...I guess I need to go away and come up with some kind of memorial of my own, because my Dad doesn't seem to interested in a memorial service of some sort.
Basically, my grandmother died on Mew Year's Eve. It's weird because for the whole of my life, and for most of my father's life she's lived in America (that's a whole other story for another time), but due to the family stuff, I can only remember her from a few visits out here, one, maybe two while I was growing up, and another 2 as an adult, where she and my Dad were able to work through the family stuff - none of which was their fault, more them being screwed around by my great grandparents - but yeah, I guess what's really messing with me is this person, who is family, and who I know loved me, and I her...and yet the relationship was based more on letters/phonecalls rather than actual contact.
And now, she's gone...and because I was stupid enough to let my passport lapse, and haven't gotten around to getting Ms. M one yet, I can't just go fly in for her funeral...and as it is, even if I could, the weather stateside means that there is no guarantee that I would even get to where I wanted to go anyway.
But enough rambling...I guess I need to go away and come up with some kind of memorial of my own, because my Dad doesn't seem to interested in a memorial service of some sort.