Waking up from a deep slumber...
Surprise surprise!
Livejournal again, in 4 years.
This blogging platform feels different now, by the way. (I'm typing in their apps, for starters.)
I've never been very open about where I come from, but I no longer live in Jakarta, Indonesia. I have moved to sunny Singapore, it's been 7 great months so far. I'm also working full time, and living life as much as my free time allows me. The last time I was here, I barely started university, and still much into Arashi fandom.
I am not surprised that I still am, a very much Arashi fan. Part of me is surprised that I don't find it difficult to adjust back to fan routine--catching up with files, mostly. But another part of me is still slowly digesting the fact that this fandom experience shall be very different than everything I've ever known. There's a huge sense of independence that I'm having in my life now, and fandom commitment becomes a conscious choice I consent to. It is now a choice that is of a higher importance, because the time commitment is the hardest. But more importantly, I appreciate the fact that I can now talk openly about this fandom to my friends and colleagues. I still remember the 16 year old me put more time and money investment, but kept that life mostly a secret. My life kinda revolved around my internet life at that time, but I was sort of retreating to my comfort zone--Internet, as opposed to balancing non-Internet life. I feel like I can strike the right balance. It's not going to be easy. But it should be doable.
Perhaps it's something my idols did on their end too. At the end of 2010 or 2011 I felt like they were very, very popular to the point that I did not see any genuine creative content that made Arashi who they were before. There's a time where their singles really sounded predictable to me. At the same time I was very busy with school and debates, so the time that I needed to spend to entertain myself with another life, another community, another secret kept hidden didn't sound very appealing.
I didn't think my fandom time was just a phase, one that can be dismissed easily. It is indeed silly if people think internet community is a waste of time and money only. English was (and still is) not my first language, and the exposure LJ posts give me to read, write, and speak in English was important. I was a chronic introvert too, and I had already been a shut-in even before LJ, so LJ actually prompted me to interact with people that are of different nationalities. I learnt Japanese (albeit shortly) because of Arashi, and I really enjoy learning various modern Japanese culture. It wasn't really silly in hindsight, to do above and beyond, learn a new language, dream of living in a new city, meet different people. My fandom time became a very important symbol of how much I should be very honest to myself of what I want, my dreams, and that I shouldn't be content living like a hermit in my own comfort zone. It's an important life lesson that life achievements begin from the attitude you have on silliest things--my departure from Indonesia to Singapore, for example.
I didn't intend that this post be about my fandom/life blues, but hey, why not! (: Anyway my lunch time is almost up. I'd love to see a shoutout of people who still have me in their friends feed, and reconnect again!