(no subject)
One of the worst things in the world is wanting to be a certain somewhere with a certain someone and not getting to. It's driving me crazy. I don't care about anything.
I guess I should be happy. I got a pretty good summer job only four days after being home. I have another interview for a different job at Dairy Queen, which would be kind of rad. I've always wanted to work at a Dairy Queen. So I'd be selling Chanel to old ladies and blizzards to fat kids who don't need it. What a combination. But I don't know that I want two jobs. I'd rather just spend the rest of the sixteen hours a day at home sulking.
I hate this town. I really do. I would be happier in Fort Collins. I would be much happier in Leicester. But what's the point? I always have to come back here. It always drags me back. My fucking parents live here. And I can't stand them because of it.
My only happiness comes from the fact that I get to move, again, in three months. I hope it'll be the last time. No more coming home for Christmas. No more summer or spring breaks here. I'm up there. And then after I graduate in three semesters, I'll move again. To somewhere I like. And I'll get a nice job and be able to get away from all this sleeze and dirt. I'll go to Chicago or New York City or London. And I'm not coming back.
I HATE THIS TOWN.
In other news, I'm going up to Fort Collins tomorrow to get my stuff and put it into storage. Ian and I are OK now, I think. I also get to see the house where I might live this fall. I'm kind of excited about that.
Rachel sent me a really long, nice email today and it made me feel better. I think Kelly and I need to make plans to visit her this December and soon. I miss Steve more and more everyday. I wonder if he ever thinks about me. I know he does. This is so hard for me. We were so good together. Why can't he just be here? It wouldn't matter where I was if he was here. Nothing would matter if I could just give him a hug right now.
I'm just trying to hold on. I'm waiting for all this bullshit to be done and for me to be able to settle down somewhere I love.
Anyway, I guess I'll go home and watch more 'Freaks and Geeks'. My sister got the series on dvd for her birthday. That show is the only thing that makes me happy right now.