Relationships
I have been feeling quite conflicted lately. I often take out my journal, thinking that I will write to better understand this swirl of chaotic emotions. Instead, I find myself staring at a blank page.
Kehari is my girlfriend and partner. I love her completely. I have sworn to protect her, to watch over her; she lives with me, and sleeps in my bed. But, she hates Besax, who is also my lover and mindsharer.
Kehari loves Untitled, who is my dear friend and whom I love dearly as well. My feelings for Un are hardly secret and yet still not acted upon--at least, not to the extent that I might wish. I long to submit to him as Kehari does and hunger for his touch upon me. I thrill to his kindness and despair of ever truly pleasing him; I tease and taunt him at every opportunity.
Untitled also hates Besax.
Besax doesn't pay any mind to Kehari or Untitled, one way or the other. Besax loves Besax first and foremost. I understand this; in a way, I am the same. For his part, Besax adores me, doting upon me with the intense attention and affection I crave. However, Besax would hurt me terribly if he knew he could do so without losing me. He very well may do so anyway. The tender pulse present within my tentacles tells me so, even as it throbs other murmurings--of desire, mostly...of the sweet pain of being taken and ravished unceasingly. But it does not pulse in promise of undying loyalty. Nor would I want or expect that.
I trust Kehari and Untitled with my life, and yet I have given myself over to their enemy, of sorts.
Sometimes I do not understand myself.
p.s. Sabina, Rinzen, and Frosti all bring me much needed comfort. Oh, I am so glad for toys to cuddle and stroke and kiss. I love their cute sighs and squeals and moans as they squirm against me. Just writing about it makes me feel just a little breathless. Though, perhaps that is due merely to the tight lacing of my new corset.
Kehari is my girlfriend and partner. I love her completely. I have sworn to protect her, to watch over her; she lives with me, and sleeps in my bed. But, she hates Besax, who is also my lover and mindsharer.
Kehari loves Untitled, who is my dear friend and whom I love dearly as well. My feelings for Un are hardly secret and yet still not acted upon--at least, not to the extent that I might wish. I long to submit to him as Kehari does and hunger for his touch upon me. I thrill to his kindness and despair of ever truly pleasing him; I tease and taunt him at every opportunity.
Untitled also hates Besax.
Besax doesn't pay any mind to Kehari or Untitled, one way or the other. Besax loves Besax first and foremost. I understand this; in a way, I am the same. For his part, Besax adores me, doting upon me with the intense attention and affection I crave. However, Besax would hurt me terribly if he knew he could do so without losing me. He very well may do so anyway. The tender pulse present within my tentacles tells me so, even as it throbs other murmurings--of desire, mostly...of the sweet pain of being taken and ravished unceasingly. But it does not pulse in promise of undying loyalty. Nor would I want or expect that.
I trust Kehari and Untitled with my life, and yet I have given myself over to their enemy, of sorts.
Sometimes I do not understand myself.
p.s. Sabina, Rinzen, and Frosti all bring me much needed comfort. Oh, I am so glad for toys to cuddle and stroke and kiss. I love their cute sighs and squeals and moans as they squirm against me. Just writing about it makes me feel just a little breathless. Though, perhaps that is due merely to the tight lacing of my new corset.