(no subject)
Over the last 3 years of silence i have lost myself. I have lost all i held dear, i have lost my hope, my pride, and my drive to do better then what i have right now. I am finding myself on this hazy afternoon lost and confused is so many ways i can't name them all. I love the man im with, but can i handle his dislike and seeming fear of serious relationships? its been about a year and a half i think we've been seeing each other breaks and break ups included. it has not been an easy road to this place we are now, there was plenty of heart ache, confusion, drama, and most of all disaster. My own insecurity eats away at me from the inside while life from the outside, and what is left you ask? The threadbare remains that gets me by. I need to heal myself, get back the strength and vitality i once possessed and for christ's sake start fucking smiling for a change. I can feel myself obsessing and fearing and i need to suppress it. i think a year and a half of equal parts hell and heaven says enough and i need not fear. But as im sure you know, lonely confessional, fear is what i do best.
therefor i called my therapist today for a speedy visit and hopefully and equally speedy cure (if only)
therefor i called my therapist today for a speedy visit and hopefully and equally speedy cure (if only)