(no subject)
constructive thoughts...
listening to ASOT 572
drinking vodka lemonade and teza
living at willis street
still sick in the head, belly and other
not enough courage to see a doctor still, been a year since i last went
feeling rather disconnected, nothing new
i want to be social, but have this fail going on tonight, can't get anyones attention?
just msged american girl, looks like she has a new partner now, it sucks every movie reminds me of her :\ and i only knew her for 2 weeks, and i even got to know other woman right after to distract myself
its so stupid being stupid over a girl, its irrational, the rational actor is not impressed
though a rational actor would be more vengeful and thats not good either
i used to write so much in here, years of nonsense, it was always best talking to myself though, i talk to others like i talk to myself anyhow , just like a mirror , cept when i get to know people , i just endlessly ask them questions
been thinking lately
the plan is as follows
work for 2 more years
quit my job
do a course in something i enjoy (brokering?)
form a company
trade stocks
trade currency
trade commodities
travel
live anywhere
be anyone
buy anything
the only issue is scale
and desire
do i desire the above ? not really
should i desire the above? of course
why?
cause YOU HATE YOUR EXISTENCE
what more reason do you need...
i have been waking up again lately, for a few years now i have thought i had bowel or prostate or bladder or something cancer, i had lack of feeling in my right leg/feet often, bladder problems, random shooting pains internally, random woozyness, random everything really
thinking fuck, WHY AM I THINKING OF THE AMERICAN GIRL AGAIN, go away GEORGIA!!!
fuckin bullshit
god why am i so easily into woman, and then take forever to get over them
FUCKIN BULLSHIT BRAIN
anyhow
fuck i feel so strongly still
manic depressive neurotic self centered FUCK TARD of a person i am
i cant stand myself anymore
anyhow
being negative is pointless
but being angry has a point
just like being depressed has a point
it focuses ones energys to a focal point
and that focal point says
YOU NEED TO CHANGE
why the fuck dont i
listening to ASOT 572
drinking vodka lemonade and teza
living at willis street
still sick in the head, belly and other
not enough courage to see a doctor still, been a year since i last went
feeling rather disconnected, nothing new
i want to be social, but have this fail going on tonight, can't get anyones attention?
just msged american girl, looks like she has a new partner now, it sucks every movie reminds me of her :\ and i only knew her for 2 weeks, and i even got to know other woman right after to distract myself
its so stupid being stupid over a girl, its irrational, the rational actor is not impressed
though a rational actor would be more vengeful and thats not good either
i used to write so much in here, years of nonsense, it was always best talking to myself though, i talk to others like i talk to myself anyhow , just like a mirror , cept when i get to know people , i just endlessly ask them questions
been thinking lately
the plan is as follows
work for 2 more years
quit my job
do a course in something i enjoy (brokering?)
form a company
trade stocks
trade currency
trade commodities
travel
live anywhere
be anyone
buy anything
the only issue is scale
and desire
do i desire the above ? not really
should i desire the above? of course
why?
cause YOU HATE YOUR EXISTENCE
what more reason do you need...
i have been waking up again lately, for a few years now i have thought i had bowel or prostate or bladder or something cancer, i had lack of feeling in my right leg/feet often, bladder problems, random shooting pains internally, random woozyness, random everything really
thinking fuck, WHY AM I THINKING OF THE AMERICAN GIRL AGAIN, go away GEORGIA!!!
fuckin bullshit
god why am i so easily into woman, and then take forever to get over them
FUCKIN BULLSHIT BRAIN
anyhow
fuck i feel so strongly still
manic depressive neurotic self centered FUCK TARD of a person i am
i cant stand myself anymore
anyhow
being negative is pointless
but being angry has a point
just like being depressed has a point
it focuses ones energys to a focal point
and that focal point says
YOU NEED TO CHANGE
why the fuck dont i