yeah yeah...
This weekend I got to take part of the first OakUp/BayUp reunion in oakland. It was a good time just sitting with people who had been through the same experience that I had been. Ollie, Michele, Renee, and Wayne were there. It was pretty good times just hearing about how this program started, then died, then started back up again. One of the better moments for me was to remember the ways that I wanted my life to change while I was there. We had some time to do some personal reflection, and I got to sit outside while thinking about all the ways that I've changed since I've come back from Oakland, and the ways that I have reverted since I've been back.
The most interesting thing about the whole spending time in reflection was the fact that I realized that I had been spending so much time indoors that I had forgotten what the sun felt like. I didn't remember what it felt like to be outside on a day such as saturday was, with the sun gently radiating its heat all over my body. It was delightful to be able to just sit and feel the breeze on my arms. Being cooped up in Kinko's all day, every day, really has killed the simple joys in life. I loved feeling as if the whole of creation was sitting in front of me and that I could just enjoy it. It was great for me to sit and connect with/ see God in that way this weekend.
This just reminds me of the way that I used to be, and some of the ways I'd like to go back to that. I miss spending time just being sprawled out on campus with a book or something to study. The eased and laid back nature of a spring afternoon spent on the quad, starting up random conversations with friends who would pass by. I miss sitting in the fresh air and writing a poem. Those were simpler joys that I feel like I don't have the time right now to pursue. I've turned into a boring soul with the tragic apathy towards some things that would be expected from someone at least double my age.
I've been finding it really interesting how I've been so healed by God, that I've been able to carry out a normal friendship with "Erica". I thought it was kinda crazy how I was able to just sever any kind of romantic feeings for her. I always thought that there was some kind of unfair advantage for her, because she was with a significant other in he life. I just realized how I have a significant other in Jesus, who has really helped me deal with things. I won't lie and say that there aren't times when I don't think about her, or when I don't feel myself being more attracted to her than other times, but I really am trying to replace thoughts of her with thoughts of Jesus and either how I need Him or how He will completely finish the job that He started. Her bf came into town this weekend, and I won't lie, I was kinda jealous that He got to spend time with her this weekend. However, I didn't really spend any time dwelling in it. I just decided that I would keep it movin' and do my thing. Eventually, I'll be able to say that I don't like her in the least bit. Until then, I'm just glad that there isn't any hard feelings there. She is awesome, and I do care about her. (even tho' I'm sure that I shouldn't)
recovery level is 90%. Soon, I'll be able to just be completely normal about things.
anyways, I'm sure that my friends are sick of hearing about this situation, and I think that i'm on a good path of just rediscovering who I am, and who I was before I met Erica. It's kinda interesting how sometimes, you just meet people and just share a connection that you'll always have, without anything really going on.
Things have become way too sex centered with some of my friends. I get together with them, and this is what they wanna talk about? I don't likes....
anyways, I think I should be off. These allergies are killin' me!
I'm out...
The most interesting thing about the whole spending time in reflection was the fact that I realized that I had been spending so much time indoors that I had forgotten what the sun felt like. I didn't remember what it felt like to be outside on a day such as saturday was, with the sun gently radiating its heat all over my body. It was delightful to be able to just sit and feel the breeze on my arms. Being cooped up in Kinko's all day, every day, really has killed the simple joys in life. I loved feeling as if the whole of creation was sitting in front of me and that I could just enjoy it. It was great for me to sit and connect with/ see God in that way this weekend.
This just reminds me of the way that I used to be, and some of the ways I'd like to go back to that. I miss spending time just being sprawled out on campus with a book or something to study. The eased and laid back nature of a spring afternoon spent on the quad, starting up random conversations with friends who would pass by. I miss sitting in the fresh air and writing a poem. Those were simpler joys that I feel like I don't have the time right now to pursue. I've turned into a boring soul with the tragic apathy towards some things that would be expected from someone at least double my age.
I've been finding it really interesting how I've been so healed by God, that I've been able to carry out a normal friendship with "Erica". I thought it was kinda crazy how I was able to just sever any kind of romantic feeings for her. I always thought that there was some kind of unfair advantage for her, because she was with a significant other in he life. I just realized how I have a significant other in Jesus, who has really helped me deal with things. I won't lie and say that there aren't times when I don't think about her, or when I don't feel myself being more attracted to her than other times, but I really am trying to replace thoughts of her with thoughts of Jesus and either how I need Him or how He will completely finish the job that He started. Her bf came into town this weekend, and I won't lie, I was kinda jealous that He got to spend time with her this weekend. However, I didn't really spend any time dwelling in it. I just decided that I would keep it movin' and do my thing. Eventually, I'll be able to say that I don't like her in the least bit. Until then, I'm just glad that there isn't any hard feelings there. She is awesome, and I do care about her. (even tho' I'm sure that I shouldn't)
recovery level is 90%. Soon, I'll be able to just be completely normal about things.
anyways, I'm sure that my friends are sick of hearing about this situation, and I think that i'm on a good path of just rediscovering who I am, and who I was before I met Erica. It's kinda interesting how sometimes, you just meet people and just share a connection that you'll always have, without anything really going on.
Things have become way too sex centered with some of my friends. I get together with them, and this is what they wanna talk about? I don't likes....
anyways, I think I should be off. These allergies are killin' me!
I'm out...