What to do with myself... your thoughts?
These days I feel more and more pulled in the direction of doing graduate study in theology, and moving in a direction that involves writing, reading, and teaching about that rather than science. I have always had the thought of going to seminary in the back of my head, and for various reasons kept pushing it aside. Perhaps partly because if I decided to go to seminary I would have had a much harder time feeling motivated to work hard in my physics classes or do good work in my lab. But now the question is much more important and I can't avoid thinking about it any longer. Earlier this year the thought of graduate school in materials science started to give me knots in my stomach. So I thought about that. I thought about what else I could do and what else I'd even want to do and what reasons I'd have for doing whatever it is I do. And I've realized a number of things.
First, there is no question that theology and its applications are my biggest passion. Its what I read about when I'm not doing homework, its what I think about, what I talk about, and when I write its what I write about. I have done and continue to do a fair amount of reading and not just light stuff.
Second, I have realized that I really do enjoy writing and I think I am pretty good at it, and I think I can get a whole lot better at it with practice and intentionality. Even more than enjoying it, I feel called towards writing. To sum up these two points: no matter what happens I'm going to be reading and thinking and writing about theology and what it means for life and what it has to say to our culture and the way we think.
Third, I am becoming more and more convinced that if I stopped studying science I would only miss it in the nostalgic sense, and I would be quite content to read a pop science book every so often, do internet reading when I'm curious.
These things have led me to consider that maybe God is calling me in the direction of seminary. This is stuff I really do want to learn about, and its important enough to me that no matter what I end up doing this kind of study would help inform my vocation. On the other hand:
I am aware that I am only at the beginning stages of studying theology/writing/etc. I mostly know these as passions, things I can do when I want because I want. Science, on the other hand, I know as work: it can be mundane, it can be boring, sometimes you just don't feel like doing it, and no matter how you feel there are some things that are just really crappy to do. I know intellectually that these things are true of theology, teaching, and writing. I even have an accurate picture of how they play out, but I must admit I don't know them very well experientially. I am very wary of fooling myself into subconsciously expecting a change in direction as far as academic study goes to fill some other void or give me a shortcut through some of the hard work of growing up and earning a living.
Also, I am trying to figure out what it means to be called in a certain direction and how I might go about figuring what direction I might be called in. I don't want to make a selfish decision. There are certainly ways in which studying theology could be a lot more selfish than doing engineering. There is a sense in which neither is a "higher" calling. There is a sense in which my call is exactly the same either way. All I know to do do so far is pray and meditate, which I have done a fair bit of but still have a lot more to do.
You can probably tell which way I'm leaning but there seems to me to be a fair bit of ambiguity and some really good reasons not to be sure of myself.
Anyway, I appreciated all the comments to my other post, so I'd like to hear your thoughts/advice/warnings/encouragement/whatever-you-want-to-say based on what you know about me and what you know about any of the topics I brought up here. I thank you in advance.
First, there is no question that theology and its applications are my biggest passion. Its what I read about when I'm not doing homework, its what I think about, what I talk about, and when I write its what I write about. I have done and continue to do a fair amount of reading and not just light stuff.
Second, I have realized that I really do enjoy writing and I think I am pretty good at it, and I think I can get a whole lot better at it with practice and intentionality. Even more than enjoying it, I feel called towards writing. To sum up these two points: no matter what happens I'm going to be reading and thinking and writing about theology and what it means for life and what it has to say to our culture and the way we think.
Third, I am becoming more and more convinced that if I stopped studying science I would only miss it in the nostalgic sense, and I would be quite content to read a pop science book every so often, do internet reading when I'm curious.
These things have led me to consider that maybe God is calling me in the direction of seminary. This is stuff I really do want to learn about, and its important enough to me that no matter what I end up doing this kind of study would help inform my vocation. On the other hand:
I am aware that I am only at the beginning stages of studying theology/writing/etc. I mostly know these as passions, things I can do when I want because I want. Science, on the other hand, I know as work: it can be mundane, it can be boring, sometimes you just don't feel like doing it, and no matter how you feel there are some things that are just really crappy to do. I know intellectually that these things are true of theology, teaching, and writing. I even have an accurate picture of how they play out, but I must admit I don't know them very well experientially. I am very wary of fooling myself into subconsciously expecting a change in direction as far as academic study goes to fill some other void or give me a shortcut through some of the hard work of growing up and earning a living.
Also, I am trying to figure out what it means to be called in a certain direction and how I might go about figuring what direction I might be called in. I don't want to make a selfish decision. There are certainly ways in which studying theology could be a lot more selfish than doing engineering. There is a sense in which neither is a "higher" calling. There is a sense in which my call is exactly the same either way. All I know to do do so far is pray and meditate, which I have done a fair bit of but still have a lot more to do.
You can probably tell which way I'm leaning but there seems to me to be a fair bit of ambiguity and some really good reasons not to be sure of myself.
Anyway, I appreciated all the comments to my other post, so I'd like to hear your thoughts/advice/warnings/encouragement/whatever-you-want-to-say based on what you know about me and what you know about any of the topics I brought up here. I thank you in advance.