Dean's List
Well, I'm kinda really happy. Ok, I'm psyched. I got some mail today from LCCC, stumped, I shredded it open and found inside a certificate looking thing.. I'm like what the heck is this, I didn't graduate....than I looked close, I made the dean's honor list:) This made me so happy. I take great pride in making such accomplishments, perhaps it's because I never make any, and perhaps because it doesn't feel that hard,...if I just "try"
I went through alot of my old things today. I realized I have issues with my past, I mean, I already knew this, but...the pain that wells up inside me when I'm confronted with these things, doesn't seem healthy. I've repressed so much, that I think I've repressed the very essence of who I am at times.
I also realized another thing. A certain someone made me lose myself years ago....I never saw it coming. I actually couldn't contribute it to just one person. Maybe I can't contribute it to anyone but myself, All I know is I lost myself somewhere between pennsylvania and florida,and detroit,
I'd like to think I've recently begun to find myself again, and when I look back on the past, or empty things that have interested me in the past.... I'm like....what was I thinking? Who was that person who thought watching laguna beach was cool..lol...who was that person who wasted her life away doing such drivelminded things.
I've come to the realization, I am not a social person, and never was. I always suffered great anxiety in social situations, and i never seem to know what the "appropriate" things are for friends to do.
I need to take comfort in this. If I can be confident of this fact, it might actually warrent itself more friends, people will see it too, rather than seeing some confused person, who doesn't seem to be a good friend because she doesn't know what she's doing....they will know I'm a real person, who just hates social situations, but loves people....
Ok, I've entirely ranted too long, and Jesse is watching the british house of commons and going "oh shit, no way, no he didn't oh shit" " dude babe your missing great stuff" ....
no i'm not, I don't want to watch, that's why I'm sitting at the computer you doodoobutt....ugh. domesticated life...how i do actually love it. lol The point is, I can no longer concentrate because his excitement seperates all my thoughts.
I went through alot of my old things today. I realized I have issues with my past, I mean, I already knew this, but...the pain that wells up inside me when I'm confronted with these things, doesn't seem healthy. I've repressed so much, that I think I've repressed the very essence of who I am at times.
I also realized another thing. A certain someone made me lose myself years ago....I never saw it coming. I actually couldn't contribute it to just one person. Maybe I can't contribute it to anyone but myself, All I know is I lost myself somewhere between pennsylvania and florida,and detroit,
I'd like to think I've recently begun to find myself again, and when I look back on the past, or empty things that have interested me in the past.... I'm like....what was I thinking? Who was that person who thought watching laguna beach was cool..lol...who was that person who wasted her life away doing such drivelminded things.
I've come to the realization, I am not a social person, and never was. I always suffered great anxiety in social situations, and i never seem to know what the "appropriate" things are for friends to do.
I need to take comfort in this. If I can be confident of this fact, it might actually warrent itself more friends, people will see it too, rather than seeing some confused person, who doesn't seem to be a good friend because she doesn't know what she's doing....they will know I'm a real person, who just hates social situations, but loves people....
Ok, I've entirely ranted too long, and Jesse is watching the british house of commons and going "oh shit, no way, no he didn't oh shit" " dude babe your missing great stuff" ....
no i'm not, I don't want to watch, that's why I'm sitting at the computer you doodoobutt....ugh. domesticated life...how i do actually love it. lol The point is, I can no longer concentrate because his excitement seperates all my thoughts.