Pilates
Well,I just finished working out. I did pilates. I just bought these bands yesterday which are similiar to the bands I Was using during physical therapy. I am so out of shape it's not even funny. I can't believe it. The feet problems I'm having due to my broken ankle are affecting my whole body as well. My back is starting to get extremely sore. It's so frustrating. I just want to feel normal. I am close to getting depressed. I have already just bursted out crying for no reason. No one can understand how painful this is, unless they have experianced. I actually bonded with Jesse's mother yesterday over it because I found out she has suffered from it too, and it has come back on her. I get depressed because I just can't do the things I used to. I get depressed because I'm tired of being in pain all the time. I can't function through this much pain. It makes me not want to do things. I try to fight it.... but I just can't....it takes everything out of me. Jesse asked me this morning why I am so tired the past couple of days. I told him, because I'm in so much pain...it's tiring. It's tiring awakening my entire body.
It also doesn't help that I am overweight. I am almost 200lbs and it scares me. The lbs keep coming on. I don't know what more I could do to loose weight, besides starving. I'm tempted, believe me. I've already cut calories- I've just started working out, and I hope to see some results, but I know it won't happen right away.
I hate looking in the mirror and looking like i'm 6 months pregnant. I hte looking in the mirror and seeing nothing but fat on my face arms and legs
I am tired of not fitting into my clothes and starting to have to shop in the "plus" sizes section of certian stores....or just not being able to shop in certain stores....I know some of this has come from being immobile for three months, but I thought I'd be burning calories like crazy since my activity has increased dramatically. I don't know what's going on with me anymore and I'm truly beginning to wonder if there isn't something deeper wrong wth me.
Today I am 191 I am giving myself until the end of May to be 180. If I am not 180 by then I am going to starve myself. I have enough reserves ;/