(no subject)
okay. flip out time again. my aunt e mailed me from austin and sh is having a super hard time and shes all depressed. she wants me to go live with her really bad. it is so tempting due to the fac that she is much cooler than this family here and i could go ge magwai. she is supposedly sending me money this week to leave. i am scared. my cousin shawn( her son)from san francsco is comng into town to visit his friend on the 20th, she wants me to leave with him and go down there. i am freaking out a little. i dont kow what to do. i do have friends in austin and stuff. i dont know how id tell my family that im leaving. they hate each other now. i would be closer to my real mom and my sister too. i am so confused. i have been here two months and i still havent found a job. i dont know if this is some battle for me though like it has been before. my family is always using me as some kind of thing like "susan chose to live here, because she doesnt like you" theyve been doing this to me my whole life and i dont want to choose anyone because i love them all so so much. i wish it wasnt like this and everyone still talked. i love my aunt margie and if she needs me i want to go, but if i dont go she is going to blame it on mary and say that i am choosing marys side about the whole inheritance thing (thats why they dont talk anymore since my grandma died) which is totally not the case. i totally agree with margie about all of that, but i cant talk to mary about it because she gets so upset and yells at me for choosing margies side. but if i go, mary is going to be so upset and she did drive all the way down there to get me. things suck here but they are not that bad. but i dont want margie to think that i dont love her and if she needs me as much as she says she does, i feel really bad abandoning her after everything that shes done for me. i knowi would be happier in austin, but if i leave i dont knnow if i could ever come back here and mary wouldnt want to talk to me she would be so upset. as for my mom, i never even told her that i left el paso, she would have been pissed that i came here to live with mary, because then she would think that i am choosing mary as my mom. its all so much of a mess. on the other hand, me goingt o live with margie might force them to speak to eacj other again ending this whole family feud. i dont know. i need advice guys and quick. what should i do or say to any of them, please help thanks