(no subject)
I've been depressed for the last month. I haven't slept, eaten or thought of something other than this girl. She asked for all sort of guarantees and then, one magical day, she decides that I'm not worth the risk of being in a relationship with her because I was silent for half an hour. While one of my good childhood friends died, while his car was lifted up the air; his body thrown out the window to land headfirst in the cold asphalt, I was worried that this girl, the one that told me she loved me would not like the cake I bought for her birtdhay. And indeed she did not.
One time I was distressed over something that had happened -- getting locked outside my house -- and wasn't really in the mood to talk about it. This last Saturday I found out, as I expected, that my silence was too much. That those 30 minutes of me not wanting to talk about it made her feel left out, as though as I had shut her out of my heart. And that, my friends, was too damn much.
It was enough for her to come to the conclusion that we were too different. That I kept everything bottled up inside myself and that she just wasn't that way -- which is a lie, obviously. But saying that or trying to explain myself, or even trying to show her that she was mistaken, was like punching some kind of unbreakable wall of stupidity. I've given her the option to break up and she didn't take it. She needs to think about it even though she may not want to have a relationship. That she may not want to be with me, even though I told her that it would be easier if she just left, if that's what she wants.
She doesn't want to be with me and yet doesn't know if she wants to break up. Nobody will probably answer this, but I'd like to ask someone's opinion on this, because I'm tired of being a clown and fucked around.
What the fuck does she want?
One time I was distressed over something that had happened -- getting locked outside my house -- and wasn't really in the mood to talk about it. This last Saturday I found out, as I expected, that my silence was too much. That those 30 minutes of me not wanting to talk about it made her feel left out, as though as I had shut her out of my heart. And that, my friends, was too damn much.
It was enough for her to come to the conclusion that we were too different. That I kept everything bottled up inside myself and that she just wasn't that way -- which is a lie, obviously. But saying that or trying to explain myself, or even trying to show her that she was mistaken, was like punching some kind of unbreakable wall of stupidity. I've given her the option to break up and she didn't take it. She needs to think about it even though she may not want to have a relationship. That she may not want to be with me, even though I told her that it would be easier if she just left, if that's what she wants.
She doesn't want to be with me and yet doesn't know if she wants to break up. Nobody will probably answer this, but I'd like to ask someone's opinion on this, because I'm tired of being a clown and fucked around.
What the fuck does she want?