Comments | magusdewynter: My Mokole' PC History (So far)

magusdewynter

My Mokole' PC History (So far)

Nov 04, 2004 02:41

Well, I'd really like to know what everyone thinks of this. I sat down to start typing tonight, and I couldn't stop typing for the life of me. This is what came out. Please comment...this is the only real outlet I have for critiquing.

( Parts I and II )

Comments 8

Im not sure if Im forgetting somthing but heres the 2 biggies. royalcrown November 4 2004, 03:53:46 UTC

Work in the Primal memories.
Work on the name

basksinshadows November 4 2004, 09:38:05 UTC

except fior the fact that there are no gator farms in SC ,good job.a non-traumatic WOD history,who would have thought it?

Putting on the Literature Nazi hat here... nimue_amethyst November 5 2004, 11:10:48 UTC

Overall, a great story, and very creative. I've already given you a few ideas to work on as far as tone and consistency, but as I was scanning through again, I noticed something that confused me the first time. "It was a small family...just Father, myself, and the occasional visit by my aunt and grandparents, kin of my mother...who I never knew in the flesh." This is a bit confusing. It's not clear if it's his mother or his mother's kin that he didn't know in the flesh. Nice foreshadowing to the "memory" version when you figure out it refers to his mother, but I would word it differently so there would be no doubt ( ... )

Re: Putting on the Literature Nazi hat here... magusdewynter November 7 2004, 20:30:04 UTC

Thanks. If you can't be hard on your friends, you can't be hard on anyone. I'll take this in stride, and work on corrections/additions/moving things.

Re: Putting on the Literature Nazi hat here... nimue_amethyst November 8 2004, 13:07:05 UTC

Not trying to be hard on you, just making suggestions...hope I didn't offend.

Re: Putting on the Literature Nazi hat here... magusdewynter November 8 2004, 13:12:52 UTC

No offense taken. No worries.

Extra Stuff albedo1 November 7 2004, 15:24:53 UTC

So, here are my thoughts on the character ( ... )

Re: Extra Stuff magusdewynter November 7 2004, 20:28:40 UTC

Thank you very much. As with the commentary I have recieved from others, I will take this on board in the creation of a character whose history will come alive for all who know of him.