ramblings
I've been quiet for far too long.
I mean, I've been quiet online which allows me some sort of active potential in my immediate life that I didn't have before.
I didn't realize how much time I had in my hands until I stopped with all the compulsive nonsense of facebook/myspace/livejournal/msn/3 email addresses et al.
I feel weightless not feeling chained to the desktop.
In other news:
I didn't make it to the WOW finals last night. I went swimming. but congratulations to all my lady poet friends who rocked it. I am sure you put out your best. and congratulations to Radar. I am proud.
There have been a few things said out there about my sudden disinvolvement in all things slam. I would like to address a couple of them, as they do not stand very true and I feel that my lack of prescence has shattered my voice in my reasoning for walking.
perhaps I have walked further than I intended. but the comment that I am "so done with this scene" is one that comes from someone thinking I wander around and dump things as I please.
In a way it's true. But not in the way of the glorified ego that I somehow do not need that "scene" (ie:people, friendships, handjobs) and have moved on.
I have moved forward to get an education.
Anyone who has asked knows that I needed to make some seriously progressive changes in my life (after a major breakdown, 3 years in the DTES, and 3 years of drinking at poetry slams). And so I have. For a lot of people, they breakdown and discover their artistic selves. My dad wrote a lot of poetry after my parents split etc..) for me, I broke down and rediscovered my brain...
I feel like going to school is one of the first things I have ever done just for myself. sometimes I want to run up and down the hallways yelling "I can think! I can think about all kinds of shit!"
I miss seeing people I like in one place. The slam is a convienient guarantee that this will happen.
I don't miss the drama and the drinking and the public life and, the competition. I don't need or want fame. I want to write and it is the labour of being part of those things that takes up all my time and cuts my writing time to nil. I miss sitting in a room of people reading poems back and forth for joy.
So I've been working on stories, and reading genetics, and dreaming the fossil record, and learning ancient myth and being hyper critical about things that one should be hyper critical about (ie: the dissappearance of the great apes), and remembering that I care for a lot of things on wholly altruistic terms... not because I want to have something to say about it in a cute dress while elevated above a room of the strange and not so strange.
Some people think I am far more inflated than I am. I know that most of those people dream of fame.
All this rambling is just to say that I'm happy. I've been learning things, and sitting around sharing words for the sake of sharing them.
Thanks to those of you who asked. You are true friends. with no purpose for my life but my own.
I miss you.
call me, let's have coffee outside the box I once thought of as a sphere.
I mean, I've been quiet online which allows me some sort of active potential in my immediate life that I didn't have before.
I didn't realize how much time I had in my hands until I stopped with all the compulsive nonsense of facebook/myspace/livejournal/msn/3 email addresses et al.
I feel weightless not feeling chained to the desktop.
In other news:
I didn't make it to the WOW finals last night. I went swimming. but congratulations to all my lady poet friends who rocked it. I am sure you put out your best. and congratulations to Radar. I am proud.
There have been a few things said out there about my sudden disinvolvement in all things slam. I would like to address a couple of them, as they do not stand very true and I feel that my lack of prescence has shattered my voice in my reasoning for walking.
perhaps I have walked further than I intended. but the comment that I am "so done with this scene" is one that comes from someone thinking I wander around and dump things as I please.
In a way it's true. But not in the way of the glorified ego that I somehow do not need that "scene" (ie:people, friendships, handjobs) and have moved on.
I have moved forward to get an education.
Anyone who has asked knows that I needed to make some seriously progressive changes in my life (after a major breakdown, 3 years in the DTES, and 3 years of drinking at poetry slams). And so I have. For a lot of people, they breakdown and discover their artistic selves. My dad wrote a lot of poetry after my parents split etc..) for me, I broke down and rediscovered my brain...
I feel like going to school is one of the first things I have ever done just for myself. sometimes I want to run up and down the hallways yelling "I can think! I can think about all kinds of shit!"
I miss seeing people I like in one place. The slam is a convienient guarantee that this will happen.
I don't miss the drama and the drinking and the public life and, the competition. I don't need or want fame. I want to write and it is the labour of being part of those things that takes up all my time and cuts my writing time to nil. I miss sitting in a room of people reading poems back and forth for joy.
So I've been working on stories, and reading genetics, and dreaming the fossil record, and learning ancient myth and being hyper critical about things that one should be hyper critical about (ie: the dissappearance of the great apes), and remembering that I care for a lot of things on wholly altruistic terms... not because I want to have something to say about it in a cute dress while elevated above a room of the strange and not so strange.
Some people think I am far more inflated than I am. I know that most of those people dream of fame.
All this rambling is just to say that I'm happy. I've been learning things, and sitting around sharing words for the sake of sharing them.
Thanks to those of you who asked. You are true friends. with no purpose for my life but my own.
I miss you.
call me, let's have coffee outside the box I once thought of as a sphere.