swirling sludge of blackened dirt
i haven't been able to comment recently, my mind a swirling. & i don't know why. i am spurred on, i am running without shoes on, sharp stones blister & bleed my feet, faster the chase of who knows what (which reminds me, i'm walking on hot ashes to raise money for st johns when i get back to hastings).
remember; the person you love & the person who loves you are rarely the same.
we meet at the End of the World. staring out on the bleak endless, meaningless nothing, gazing trying to find anything, but it's a nothing there isn't a way to describe it.
at the Graveyard I contemplate the you I write about. biscuit? most definately not, exboytj? i'm not so sure. romantisism slips from my tongue effortlessly. i am a dreamer of the you i have yet to meet. yet everyword carefully chosen could be used against any of my lovers, aimed at friends, of possible future and past me as i stand in a line up with myself.
I am everything but nothing, i dissect myself, analytical of my presence. i come to the conclusion i am the noumenon in the many guises i have. i am languid liquid, fluidly changing to fill gaps i didn't know where there.
today my heart is in my mouth of high energy anxiety & i don't like it, my hands shake as i try to focus on things that slip away from me.
edit: oh my, luke (do you remember him those of you on that site) is sat completely oposite me in the library & i didn't recognise him at all, not until he spoke to his friend, he looks well. oh wow, surprises.
i ride in a car with borrowed time. he tells me i shouldn't have made it this far, my model was discontinued long ago, major faults led to catastrophic events. he tells me in theory i should have collasped & broken years ago. i smile watching the sky turn the colour of my blood as we race along. each day is new, i find things out & climb into my dreams. borrowed time tells me to go careful, as shadows will catch me up.
today was a day for ghosts from my closet, i saw exboytj, oh how hearts collide & collapse, if only a hug could take away the pain etched on his face, yet it wouldn't(couldn't?) be from me & i don't know what to think. i know i can't stop caring though, harsh words do no good & even my nonchalance surprised me, oh why erin? why?
remember; the person you love & the person who loves you are rarely the same.
we meet at the End of the World. staring out on the bleak endless, meaningless nothing, gazing trying to find anything, but it's a nothing there isn't a way to describe it.
at the Graveyard I contemplate the you I write about. biscuit? most definately not, exboytj? i'm not so sure. romantisism slips from my tongue effortlessly. i am a dreamer of the you i have yet to meet. yet everyword carefully chosen could be used against any of my lovers, aimed at friends, of possible future and past me as i stand in a line up with myself.
I am everything but nothing, i dissect myself, analytical of my presence. i come to the conclusion i am the noumenon in the many guises i have. i am languid liquid, fluidly changing to fill gaps i didn't know where there.
today my heart is in my mouth of high energy anxiety & i don't like it, my hands shake as i try to focus on things that slip away from me.
edit: oh my, luke (do you remember him those of you on that site) is sat completely oposite me in the library & i didn't recognise him at all, not until he spoke to his friend, he looks well. oh wow, surprises.
i ride in a car with borrowed time. he tells me i shouldn't have made it this far, my model was discontinued long ago, major faults led to catastrophic events. he tells me in theory i should have collasped & broken years ago. i smile watching the sky turn the colour of my blood as we race along. each day is new, i find things out & climb into my dreams. borrowed time tells me to go careful, as shadows will catch me up.
today was a day for ghosts from my closet, i saw exboytj, oh how hearts collide & collapse, if only a hug could take away the pain etched on his face, yet it wouldn't(couldn't?) be from me & i don't know what to think. i know i can't stop caring though, harsh words do no good & even my nonchalance surprised me, oh why erin? why?