250.
time seems to be tripping me up again. i can't keep up with this world. last night i had nightmares that time was running away from me & i couldn't run fast enough to keep up & i watched as the world dripped from my view. these things don't scare me & perhaps they should.
my arm aches & i can't work out why when everything is closed up already (because i'm really starting to believe i'm Claire from heroes), but my leg bled a little in the night. but it's not enough & isn't satisfying me, i'm recognizing the signs that i want to self destruct, i have such an urge to get blind drunk & make a mess of myself, which isn't a good idea because i just know i'll end up on another section 136 somehow. & i really don't want that, so i just need to keep myself busy & practice the harm reducing techniques, such as holding ice, but then my mind goes into haywire & i know i could hurt myself with that. in a crisis anything can become a weapon the disaster area.
boything & i, i think we're back on track, it' going to take work, i feel so betrayed, knowing he has been flirting with one of my female friends, but it's not really that if i'm honest, it's him telling her i'm mentally ill, even i hadn't disclosed that information to her & he should never have said anything, & he accepts this. i know my faults & i know that i shouldn't cling onto the anger & hurt, i need to let it go. i turn into a bitter person so easily, biting anyone who comes close.
i feel so mentally worn out these days, & the fact my camera has no macro function so won't focus on the piece i need to photograph correctly left me hiding under my desk bawling at uni. & i'm worried so much about money, or the lack of actually. my bank account reads minus 350 pounds & i'm scared.
i'm so scared of everything right now. & i can't run fast enough to keep up with time.
my arm aches & i can't work out why when everything is closed up already (because i'm really starting to believe i'm Claire from heroes), but my leg bled a little in the night. but it's not enough & isn't satisfying me, i'm recognizing the signs that i want to self destruct, i have such an urge to get blind drunk & make a mess of myself, which isn't a good idea because i just know i'll end up on another section 136 somehow. & i really don't want that, so i just need to keep myself busy & practice the harm reducing techniques, such as holding ice, but then my mind goes into haywire & i know i could hurt myself with that. in a crisis anything can become a weapon the disaster area.
boything & i, i think we're back on track, it' going to take work, i feel so betrayed, knowing he has been flirting with one of my female friends, but it's not really that if i'm honest, it's him telling her i'm mentally ill, even i hadn't disclosed that information to her & he should never have said anything, & he accepts this. i know my faults & i know that i shouldn't cling onto the anger & hurt, i need to let it go. i turn into a bitter person so easily, biting anyone who comes close.
i feel so mentally worn out these days, & the fact my camera has no macro function so won't focus on the piece i need to photograph correctly left me hiding under my desk bawling at uni. & i'm worried so much about money, or the lack of actually. my bank account reads minus 350 pounds & i'm scared.
i'm so scared of everything right now. & i can't run fast enough to keep up with time.