Family Fun!!!
there are times when i wish i could just totally dissociate from so much of my family. gah. the really extended end isnt bad, and my immediate family is fine. its my aunt and first cousins that are really REALLY getting to me.
for those of you who dont know, i am currently in florida, and just finished the party celebrating my grandfathers 90th birthday, his and my grandmothers 61st wedding aniversary, and my dads wedding to Eileen.
while it is nice to be in florida, and to sup a little at the golden teat (put it like this- the house im currently staying in is about 6000square feet, and most of that is airspace because there are 20ft cielings throughout, and my grandparents lalique and gale collection only takes up a small section of teh art collection), it is becoming increasingly clear that i cant spend more than a few hours in close company with any of them.
my cousin mark is a neo-con industrialist wannabe uber-yuppie with the tact and social graces of a water buffalo, which in no way inhibit his blatant and constant networking attempts (the boy is like a used car salesman, its scary). anyway, he is one of the most classist people i know, and his fiance is this wierd pseudo-yuppet, who is, shall we say, very waspy, and her smile never reaches her eyes.
my main peve with my aunt is that she formed all of her perceptions of me when i was 13, becuase that was when we were actually close, but in the decade hence she hasnt changed her way of interacting with me a jot. it is really infuriating being treated like a teenage idiot when im talking about something i know more about than she does.
gahh
its also all of the little bullshit judgmental things that go on at a family event. it is so tiring, when no one is even making an attempt to be genuine, and everything is put on for a show. my sister has been dressed up like a doll (they even insisted she shave her pits and such), and feels rediculous. apparently her hair was a 'crisis'. what? and no one would say anythign until rheesa (my other cousin) showed up, becuase they know she and jen talked a lot, so they used her as an ambasador. its rediculous.
and also, the older i get the wierder it is being in an environment where there are real servants. i just keep seeing it as this pseudo-slavery and it makes me so sick to my stomach. i mean, i like th efeeling of being pampered, but then i look at these people who's life is cleaning up other peoples dirty dishes, and it is just fucked up.
gah
well, the party was a sucess at least. i hid behind the camera, so i was saved from small-talk and pretending i know any of my grandparents rich old right-wing freinds. and the penultimate thing that gets me upset here is that i am inthe closet in this part of the family, under stric instruction to remain as such (my aunt is convinced the news would literally kill my grandparents through shock and worry, because they had a freind whos son died of AIDS, and that is teh linimt of their expirience with it. i think its bullshit, but im not gonna start a war over it. and what if she is proved right and my grandfaher drops dead a week later? it wouldnt be worth it, i love them both very much, and we have a good relationship).
its all really frustrating.
ah well.
for those of you who dont know, i am currently in florida, and just finished the party celebrating my grandfathers 90th birthday, his and my grandmothers 61st wedding aniversary, and my dads wedding to Eileen.
while it is nice to be in florida, and to sup a little at the golden teat (put it like this- the house im currently staying in is about 6000square feet, and most of that is airspace because there are 20ft cielings throughout, and my grandparents lalique and gale collection only takes up a small section of teh art collection), it is becoming increasingly clear that i cant spend more than a few hours in close company with any of them.
my cousin mark is a neo-con industrialist wannabe uber-yuppie with the tact and social graces of a water buffalo, which in no way inhibit his blatant and constant networking attempts (the boy is like a used car salesman, its scary). anyway, he is one of the most classist people i know, and his fiance is this wierd pseudo-yuppet, who is, shall we say, very waspy, and her smile never reaches her eyes.
my main peve with my aunt is that she formed all of her perceptions of me when i was 13, becuase that was when we were actually close, but in the decade hence she hasnt changed her way of interacting with me a jot. it is really infuriating being treated like a teenage idiot when im talking about something i know more about than she does.
gahh
its also all of the little bullshit judgmental things that go on at a family event. it is so tiring, when no one is even making an attempt to be genuine, and everything is put on for a show. my sister has been dressed up like a doll (they even insisted she shave her pits and such), and feels rediculous. apparently her hair was a 'crisis'. what? and no one would say anythign until rheesa (my other cousin) showed up, becuase they know she and jen talked a lot, so they used her as an ambasador. its rediculous.
and also, the older i get the wierder it is being in an environment where there are real servants. i just keep seeing it as this pseudo-slavery and it makes me so sick to my stomach. i mean, i like th efeeling of being pampered, but then i look at these people who's life is cleaning up other peoples dirty dishes, and it is just fucked up.
gah
well, the party was a sucess at least. i hid behind the camera, so i was saved from small-talk and pretending i know any of my grandparents rich old right-wing freinds. and the penultimate thing that gets me upset here is that i am inthe closet in this part of the family, under stric instruction to remain as such (my aunt is convinced the news would literally kill my grandparents through shock and worry, because they had a freind whos son died of AIDS, and that is teh linimt of their expirience with it. i think its bullshit, but im not gonna start a war over it. and what if she is proved right and my grandfaher drops dead a week later? it wouldnt be worth it, i love them both very much, and we have a good relationship).
its all really frustrating.
ah well.