Dork!
Horoscopes for yew.
CANCER: The checkered tie, floral shirt, paisley shorts and striped knee-sock look is so last year. move on. Quickly.
LEO: Snails don't really deliver the mail. And babies don't come from storks. There's a lot to learn, little grasshopper. Hop along. Be free.
VIRGO: You might accidentally spend your college tuition on a new jumbo aquarium and a collection of rare, miniature sharks.
LIBRA: Hello, anaconda. It's time to shed your skin and find a mate. Sssssoon.
SCORPIO: Don't give up your lifelong dream to be the world's fastest marshmallow eater. Your cheeks will stretch over time. Keep chewing.
SAGITTARIUS: Somewhere between heating up your cold hot chocolate and eating and old cookie this morning, you might fall in some mud. Or love.
CAPRICORN: While jogging through the city, looking for sprinklers to ambush, you might get wet and meet a salamander named Fred.
AQUARIUS: Every time you visit Aunt Edna, you have to eat her specialty monkey-brain soup. And she never has crackers.
PISCES: There's no time like 3pm to shave your head and tell your co-workers you are a prophet from the planet UngaHooHoo. So, do it.
ARIES: Slap. You've just been hit by The Cat in The Hat. Slap. And hit again. Acting in a soap opera means enduring dramatic swats. Slap.
TAURUS: Leave your frozen-banana stand and go heckle people on the beach.
GEMINI: If you're intent on crawling through the sewers, looking for turtles with exceptional martial arts skills, you might get dirty.
DOSE.ca
CANCER: The checkered tie, floral shirt, paisley shorts and striped knee-sock look is so last year. move on. Quickly.
LEO: Snails don't really deliver the mail. And babies don't come from storks. There's a lot to learn, little grasshopper. Hop along. Be free.
VIRGO: You might accidentally spend your college tuition on a new jumbo aquarium and a collection of rare, miniature sharks.
LIBRA: Hello, anaconda. It's time to shed your skin and find a mate. Sssssoon.
SCORPIO: Don't give up your lifelong dream to be the world's fastest marshmallow eater. Your cheeks will stretch over time. Keep chewing.
SAGITTARIUS: Somewhere between heating up your cold hot chocolate and eating and old cookie this morning, you might fall in some mud. Or love.
CAPRICORN: While jogging through the city, looking for sprinklers to ambush, you might get wet and meet a salamander named Fred.
AQUARIUS: Every time you visit Aunt Edna, you have to eat her specialty monkey-brain soup. And she never has crackers.
PISCES: There's no time like 3pm to shave your head and tell your co-workers you are a prophet from the planet UngaHooHoo. So, do it.
ARIES: Slap. You've just been hit by The Cat in The Hat. Slap. And hit again. Acting in a soap opera means enduring dramatic swats. Slap.
TAURUS: Leave your frozen-banana stand and go heckle people on the beach.
GEMINI: If you're intent on crawling through the sewers, looking for turtles with exceptional martial arts skills, you might get dirty.
DOSE.ca