Pet Peeves...what the fuck is that...I hate that word.
So my dear Kristin has informed me that I may be a touch on the angry side...to which I responded, "Fuck you!"
But that had me thinking. Am I really an angry crotchedy person?..yes, definitley...and here's why. I just voice out (sometimes crazily) what everyone is thinking in their head. Does this mean I have no filter?...Yes. I had a filter once but it was crushed along with my freaking body on Jerusalem Ave. and some of it was puked out from chemo. From everything that has happened, I have absolutley no tolerance for stupid selfish people. So if you piss me off, you're going to know about it. I'm just like Michael Douglas from Falling Down...except I don't have a shotgun...yet (just kidding) I just have my mouth, and I don't have a buzz-cut...yet (kidding???) So here is a list of everyday things that you guys probably look the other way to but piss the shit out of me so badly I would love to infer punishments. I am going to do this in segments because as Kristin knows, I'm an angry person, so I have a lot to complain about.
1- People talking on their cell phone while driving
I know you guys probably do this but know this...if I ever saw you doing it I just might have to break your phone..oh, and it's illegal. I can't tell you how many times someone almost hits me while driving because they are on their phone and not paying attention. People are dumb and I'd say 95% of people can't do more than one thing at a time. It's fucking dangerous. Buy a fucking blue-tooth or something (although I hate those things too I guess it's better than nothing) Rob's car was totaled parked outside of his house a couple of years ago because the fucking guy driving the other car was on his cell phone, texting. That brings me to #2. But first, Punishment: stabbing you in the throat with the antenna so you can't talk on the fucking phone anymore, making the roads a safer place to drive.
2- Text Messaging
Come on people...it's a fucking phone. By the time it takes you to write the fucking message, you could have called the mother fucker up and told them ON THE PHONE!!! It's one thing when you just write something quick, but to sit their and go back and forth for whole conversation...fucking bullshit. Punishment: Tearing your thumbs off and shoving them in you asshole so when you get them re-attatched, they're going to smell like shit for the of your shitty life.
3- People who feel the need to jam up doorways or entrances/exits...who as soon as a show/movie is over will jump out of their seats and rush out, etc.
This category is very broad. I just hate it when people can't make an orderly line. We're all going to get in/out. No one is going to get left behind so fucking relax. It's even better when it's a concert and you have assigned seats. People, where the fuck are you going. No one is taking your seat. These people suck my asshole. It just hooks into the mentality that poeple have...I'm the king, I'm more important than you. I call it the Franklin Square/Long Island mentality. Punishment: GIvie them a shit shower. The shit will be their own so when they think that their shit doesn't stink, I could say, Yes, yes it does stink...Can someone light a match or something?
But that had me thinking. Am I really an angry crotchedy person?..yes, definitley...and here's why. I just voice out (sometimes crazily) what everyone is thinking in their head. Does this mean I have no filter?...Yes. I had a filter once but it was crushed along with my freaking body on Jerusalem Ave. and some of it was puked out from chemo. From everything that has happened, I have absolutley no tolerance for stupid selfish people. So if you piss me off, you're going to know about it. I'm just like Michael Douglas from Falling Down...except I don't have a shotgun...yet (just kidding) I just have my mouth, and I don't have a buzz-cut...yet (kidding???) So here is a list of everyday things that you guys probably look the other way to but piss the shit out of me so badly I would love to infer punishments. I am going to do this in segments because as Kristin knows, I'm an angry person, so I have a lot to complain about.
1- People talking on their cell phone while driving
I know you guys probably do this but know this...if I ever saw you doing it I just might have to break your phone..oh, and it's illegal. I can't tell you how many times someone almost hits me while driving because they are on their phone and not paying attention. People are dumb and I'd say 95% of people can't do more than one thing at a time. It's fucking dangerous. Buy a fucking blue-tooth or something (although I hate those things too I guess it's better than nothing) Rob's car was totaled parked outside of his house a couple of years ago because the fucking guy driving the other car was on his cell phone, texting. That brings me to #2. But first, Punishment: stabbing you in the throat with the antenna so you can't talk on the fucking phone anymore, making the roads a safer place to drive.
2- Text Messaging
Come on people...it's a fucking phone. By the time it takes you to write the fucking message, you could have called the mother fucker up and told them ON THE PHONE!!! It's one thing when you just write something quick, but to sit their and go back and forth for whole conversation...fucking bullshit. Punishment: Tearing your thumbs off and shoving them in you asshole so when you get them re-attatched, they're going to smell like shit for the of your shitty life.
3- People who feel the need to jam up doorways or entrances/exits...who as soon as a show/movie is over will jump out of their seats and rush out, etc.
This category is very broad. I just hate it when people can't make an orderly line. We're all going to get in/out. No one is going to get left behind so fucking relax. It's even better when it's a concert and you have assigned seats. People, where the fuck are you going. No one is taking your seat. These people suck my asshole. It just hooks into the mentality that poeple have...I'm the king, I'm more important than you. I call it the Franklin Square/Long Island mentality. Punishment: GIvie them a shit shower. The shit will be their own so when they think that their shit doesn't stink, I could say, Yes, yes it does stink...Can someone light a match or something?